


Just Can't Choose

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety Disorder, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Cutting, Depression, Gang Violence, Hiding things, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Multi, Murder, Original Character Death(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Rape, Recreational Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Terrorism, Vandalism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-03 02:07:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 47,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4082620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(AN AU where Trolls and Humans both live on Earth, with the Trolls migrating from Alternia years ago.) John and Karkat have been childhood friends, and Dave met John online a few years back. Moving to Washington about a year ago, he and Karkat have gotten on decent terms. They all slowly but surely realize that they're all pointlessly in love, while trying to get through troubles at home and school. However, something on a far more larger scale is happening in their town, and it could end up drastically changing everything they've ever known.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Movie Night for Nerds

*Dave's POV*

 

I shivered as I walked down the windy street to John's place. Okay, 50 degrees is cold for a Texan. If there's one thing I miss about Texas, this has to be one of them. I miss the heat. Well, I don't miss the sweat and overpriced water bottles. I miss the constant summer-feeling. And the hot wind flowing through my window.

Now I can barely keep it open 4 inches without freezing my ass off in November.

Anyways, John invited me and Karkat (Or "Karkat and I", but that doesn't sound right.) over to his place to watch movies. Well, he and Karkat are going to watch movies. I, on the other hand, will proceed to raid his fridge of any snacks. And by snacks I mean apple juice and Doritos (Hey, the healthy thing cancels out the unhealthy thing… Right…?)

Luckily for me, I happen to live pretty damn close to his place. About 4 houses down, so I don't have to deal with this wind in another 30 seconds. Karkat however, lives about 3 or 4 blocks away. Sucks for him. However, he's probably used to this bullshit weather by now.

As I hop on his front porch and raise my fist to knock on his door, I hear shouting. I lower my fist, and listen in, concerned for my bro. It sounds like an older man and John shouting at each other. I try to focus my hearing in on them. "… 're just friends! It's not a date if there's three people, dad!... No! I don't need you ordering me anything! Just get out!... UGH! NO!! I don’t _need_ condoms!" The shouting is beginning to get dangerously close, so I jump over the railing of his porch and land on the ground below.

I hear the front door swing open, and I swiftly place my back against the edge of the porch, and continue listening in. "I'll be home a little late for you and your "friends", Johnathan." Johnathan? Oh boy. "Ugh, stop saying " _friends_ " like that. You're driving me insane!" I hear him slam the door closed, and a few moments later a car leaves the driveway.

I wait a few more minutes before leaving my post and turning up the stairs until-

I smash into with Karkat.

He falls back, and we look at each other. Here we go… "Watch where you're going, you piece of shit!" I grin at his remark, and give him a hand. "And what in the ever-loving fuck were you doing behind John's porch? Fucking creep!" He reluctantly takes it, and stands up and dusts himself off, still fuming. God does this guy ever shut up?

They say that short people are angrier since they're closer to hell. Well if that's the case then Karkat's height should be in the fucking negatives. No, seriously though, I'm 5'11, John's 5'8, and this fucker is 5'4.  It's hilarious. I'm a full head taller than him, and he still argues with me. Does he think I won't beat his ass?

Okay, I won’t. But only because he's John's friend. Well not only that, but I mean hell, he's fucking adorable when he's mad. It's like if you crunch up a kitten's face. Like it's fucking hilarious and adorable that I can barely keep my stoic face going while looking at him.

I pick on him a lot in a brotherly way. Cause hey, he's my bro. Although he's a cute bro, which is even better. There are times where I swear he's macking on me, but I let it go. Who wouldn't want a piece of this Strider?

He continues rambling at me as we get to John's front door, where I successfully knock, and as we hear John's thunder-feet Karkat finally shuts up and just frowns at me. As I see John open the door, I grin.

You see, I've had a crush on John for quite some time now. Since a few months after we first met, which was back around when we were in 7th grade. It was over the internet (Duh.) so we would talk over chat. Have I ever mentioned that that's probably the best way to meet someone?

You don't know what they look like. Just who they are in a sense. How they talk. What they like, etc. Imagine the person you like. Now imagine them without a definite image, like someone you talk to on the internet, or that empty Facebook profile picture logo for a girl or boy. The silhouette of the person.

If you can't like them without a definite picture, then forget about them. It's crazy. And you know what, it's even better when you do find out what they look like. Well, unless it's a catfish. But when it isn't, it's amazing.

I remember when I first added John on Facebook, and I saw what he looked like, I nearly squealed. He was adorable. Honestly. However, the only issue was that well, I live in Texas. Extra homophobia with some extra homophobes sprinkled on top. And add the cherry with my brother.

My older brother is not only abusive, but he's extremely homophobic. And no, not because of religion, not because he was "raised that way".

Because the love of his life left him. And he was a man.

So apparently I'm not allowed to like any guys. Because of something one person did to him. However if I do, and he finds out, he'll starve me, beat me, and if we lived in our old apartment, he'd hang me off the edge of the roof and tell me not to scream and cry, or he'd drop me.

Well, he does that anyways.

Yep. That was my life. Well, that's still my life, minus the dropping me off the roof part. We live in a two-story house now, so that wouldn't really work. Plus, we live with my Aunt Roxy, but hell, she's always drunk, so I doubt she'd care. He still does the rest of the abusive bullshit, and fucks around with my shit and messes with my head a lot when my cousin Rose isn't around. His porn job doesn't help with my mental state either.

But enough about that. Back to John. I remember when I had first shown him my eyes, too. I was always raised to hide them, and that I was a bad person for them. But John, he made me feel a lot better. I still hid them, of course, and John respected that. Hell, he even bought me another pair of shades after my old ones broke in a fight.

All of those feelings were bottled up over a long period of time, and they may just start fading away soon. So I don't need to worry about it anymore.

* * *

 

~Karkat's POV~

 

"Hey guys! Get in here! The movie's about to start!" John grins as he waves us in and jogs into the living room. Why does this dumbass always seem happy about something?

"I'll be right there." Dave gives John his usual shit-eating grin as he slips off his shoes and walks straight into the kitchen. "Such manners." I grumble under my breath, taking off my Converse shoes and closing the door behind me.

Dave is an asshole. No doubt about it. A stoic, selfish jerk that thinks of nobody but himself, and has an ego bigger than all of the universes combined. Yet there's something about him that I can't quite grasp, and while I usually couldn't give two shits about it, I'm actually genuinely curious about him.

And maybe that's what he wants. Maybe the whole stoic act is to get people's attention, or their minds on him. And god fucking damn it it's working, isn't it? I sigh as I walk over to the living room, where John has three whole bowls of popcorn and the main menu of Juno on the TV.

"Haven't you seen this before?" I asked, sitting down next to him and grabbing a handful of popcorn. "Yeah, but that was with Dave." John shrugged, grabbing the remote. Great. Now he's going to spend half of the movie pointing out little things that mean absolutely nothing to the plot.

 "Spoiler Alert: It sucks." Dave shouted from the kitchen, earning a "Dave~!" from John. "Didn't ask for your opinion, dipshit." I shouted towards the kitchen, and I swear to god I could feel the fucking shrug come from that jackass.

"Karkat, come on, let's all be friends! We have movies!" He gestured to the pile of CD's on the floor. "And popcorn!" He held up one of the bowls and smiled like a fucking 8-year-old. This kid is what keeps me alive sometimes.

Or at least, brings back my faith in humans. When I first came here, a shitton of people were assholes towards me because of my blood color. I remember when they first found, when in first grade I fell and scraped my knee. John just looked at me, and then punched himself in the nose, and pointed at his blood, saying that we were the same.

He was one of my first few friends.

Now, about 9 years later, we're still friends. And we even have a little clique. John, Dave, and I. I'm not too happy about Dave, but it works for the most part. And Dave can be surprising sometimes too. When John first told me about his new online friend, I thought Dave was a pedophile. Well, I wasn't too far off on that…

Anyways, when he finally moved over here and I got to meet him, surely enough I was surprised when I met him. Surprised that he wasn't a 40-year-old man with a chainsaw as a friend, and genuinely surprised that… Well…

He was pretty damn cute.

But then, he opened his mouth.

Yeah, that ruined everything. I learned of his douche nature and those 3-day feelings went away. He wasn't too bad of a guy though. I occasionally listen to the mixes he makes and read some of those shitty comics. And I remember when he eventually found out about my blood. It was his fault though.

We had finally gotten into an actual fist fight, and we didn't tell anyone. We were at the Denny's parking lot at 3:00 AM. However, Rose managed to find out somehow and told John, and he found us around the end, crying and apologizing about 30 times before taking me to the hospital.

Anyways, as we fought, Dave punched me in the nose and I knocked off his glasses, shattering them. We both crouched and did our respective "Don't look at me!" things. However when we both heard each other we looked, and we realized that we were both people who were hiding something that we were ashamed of that was part of us.

We became a lot closer since then.

But not exactly close as in how he and John are. In a sort of brother-like way. Where we argue a lot and we act like assholes to each other but if something bad happens to either of us we go into our defensive mother bear-stance.

I'm not exactly happy or disappointed with this.

Now let me explain, I'm happy with where our relationship is now. What I'm trying to figure out is if I'm satisfied. Meaning "Do I want to keep our brother-like relationship or try to turn it into something more… Romantic?" As much as I hate to admit it, it's the truth. Would I ever admit this to Dave?

Hell. Fucking. No.

At least, not yet. I still have to figure out if I'm even feeling this, let alone want to pursue it and change my mind halfway, because that is a dick move. And I don't want to be a dick. Well not all the time. Just not in that respect. I've seen enough romcoms to know that heartbreak sucks and that it's hard to get over.

I gave John the most unamused look I could muster and pushed the popcorn out of my face. "I swear to god, if you weren't here, I'd fucking kill Dave." I muttered, taking a handful of popcorn and shoving it in my mouth. "Can you even reach me?" Dave asked, walking into the room with a cup of apple juice in a Santa Claus mug in one hand and a bag of Doritos in another hand.

"Bite me, fuckass!" I hissed, tensing up as he sat next to me. "Wow Karkat, way to be a flirt." Dave snickered, grabbing a single popcorn kernel and tossing it in the air, catching it in his mouth. My face went entirely red, and I sputtered before growling at him. "You fucking-"

"Guys! Shh! The movie's starting!" John said, clamping a hand over my mouth. Dave gave me eyebrows and I swear to fucking god.

That asshole will be the death of me.

* * *

 

~John's POV~

 

After I finally calmed Karkat and Dave down, I started up the movie and stood up to turn off the lights. I smiled as I looked back at the two of them on the couch, bickering about something. They're like husband and wife- er, husband and husband? Does that make any sense? Probably not.

Anyways, I've always known Karkat since we were little. I helped him out when his blood color was discovered, and I helped him feel more comfortable. I view him as a brother of a sort, since he helped me out a lot when my mom disappeared. He was even there for me when I met Dave! Well, sort of.

He was wary at first- but only because he was worried about me! I understand that he didn’t want Dave to be some pedophile, but then again, after about 3 years of talking, I'm sure he wasn't one. I don't think pedophiles can make very good music, anyways.

And I remember when Dave first moved here. It was awesome! I showed him around my school, and he met a bunch of my friends. And I even got to become friends with his cousin (I knew of Rose, but I had no idea that she and Dave were actually related!) Anyways, we're total bros now! With Karkat as an added bonus!

Although, sometimes I get weird vibes from the two of them. At first, Karkat and Dave hated each other. That was really hard for me, since my two best friends wouldn't hang out with me at the same time. Anyways, I would be a constant buffer between their fights, and I'd have to calm them down or put an end to it.

However, they still continued to fight verbally and physically without my knowledge.

Most of the time, it wasn't too bad. However there were a few fist fights here and there, but nothing too bad but bruises and scrapes. Those would tend to be ended by teachers or fellow classmates (Those fights happened during school when I was gone/sick.)

But then there was that one night.

It was the one night where everything changed between them. For better or for worse? I don't know. Hell, I don't know half of what happened that night. I know that Dave's shades shattered, and I bought him a new pair for his upcoming birthday. I know that Karkat got a bloody nose, and had to get it snapped back into place.

The weird thing about that night was that by the time I got there, they were already leaving with one another. Dave letting Karkat lean on him for support, while Karkat lent Dave his hoodie to cover his eyes. They were helping each other. Karkat even held the shattered fragments and frame of Dave's sunglasses and tried to glue them back together later that night (Didn't work, sadly.)

They both told me that they were on good terms from then on, and while there are bumps in their relationship (Okay hell it's a rocky ride from start to finish), they seem to be really good friends at heart. And I'm happy for them. And for myself, in a kind of selfish way.

Since now, I can have my two best bros watching movies together with me, without strangling each other.

What can go wrong?


	2. Crabbycakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat's bickering gets John in trouble, and they end up having to find somewhere else to go. However, Dave has a small crisis...

*Dave's POV*

 

As we're all sitting there, watching Juno, Egbert and Karkat are arguing about some bullshit with the plot or whatever, and are distracting me from Ellen's huge ass stomach. "Would you guys shut up?" I snapped, grabbing some popcorn from the bowl near me.

"Oh, shut it, Strider." Karkat grumbled. "You don't have much of a taste in movies either, and you just mindlessly accept whatever garbage is given to you. Just let the critics talk." I scoffed, turning my body towards him and pausing the movie.

"You two are the ones rewatching Con Air and all of those other bullshit romcoms." I said, gesturing to the huge ass pile in the corner of the room, making John snicker a bit. Karkat's frown deepened. "You have no appreciation for art, Dave." John poked my chest, giggling.

"Yeah, well you do it for fun. Karkat does it since he wishes that someone would say the same cheesy pick up lines to him." I turned back and reached for the remote, when I was hit by a buttery substance.

_Popcorn._

Oh it is _on_. I quickly turned back to see a fuming Karkat, and I grabbed at my own respective bowl and threw a handful at him. I couldn't help but laugh at the kernels in his hair, and one rubbing against his horn that made him flip out.

In mere minutes we were throwing popcorn around the room like crazy, and John was ducking for cover and begging us to stop. Karkat took the half-filled popcorn bowl and threw it at my head. I ducked, and instead of hearing the expected shatter, I heard a loud, low growl come from behind me.

I turned around to see none other than Dadbert, in the flesh. He looked pissed. And not only because he was hit with popcorn. But hit with popcorn by Karkat.

You see, trolls and humans have lived together for quite some time now. With everything in history about people having differences, racism became an issue. And not black, white, and Asian sort of racism. Like, human and troll racism.

Now, most of that stuff was in the past. However, skin tone racism still exists, and so does species type racism. Dadbert is a clear example of the second.

"John… May I please see you for a moment?" He asked, flicking the popcorn off of his hat. John swallowed and nodded his head, quickly walking into the kitchen. I felt my stomach sink a little. I don't want him getting in trouble! I looked over at Karkat, who was visibly uncomfortable.

"Way to go, Karkles." I sneered. He shot daggers at me. "Don't you fucking dare." He growled. "That's low, even for you." He did have a point there.

John ended up coming back with disappointed eyes. "Well, my dad's pissed. And he wants you guys to leave and for me to clean this up." He sighed. "I'm sorry bro. Need any help?" I asked, standing up and placing a hand on his shoulder. He shook it off.

"No, it's fine. Just get out of here before he starts yelling." He began to pick things up, and I felt kind of bad. I eventually realized who was still here and I grabbed Karkat and we ran out the front door.

After about half a block we started walking again when my phone buzzed. I had gotten a text from Aunt Roxy.

_ Dirk is really drunk, and I'm working late and Rose is at Kanaya's. No matter what, don't go home. Sorry love! _

I sighed and clicked my phone closed. "Wonderful." I muttered to myself, running a hand through my hair. Karkat seemed to notice this, and raised his eyebrow.

"Now what're you complaining about?" He grumbled, frowning and placing his hands in his hoodie. "I need a place to stay." I responded casually, causing Karkat to stop walking altogether.

"I'm sorry- What?" He asked, giving me a confused look. "My brother's drunk." I explained, making a few hand gestures here and there. "Therefore I cannot stay there." I explained slowly, which Karkat gave me a scowl in return.

"Can't you just run up the stairs and lock the door?" He asked, puzzled. " _If only I could actually do that._ " I muttered again, rolling my eyes. "It's not that simple."

Karkat looked at me for a few seconds, before sighing and turning around, walking ahead. "Come over to my place." He said. My eyebrows raised.

Karkat Vantas, out of all people, inviting me to a _slumber party_?

Hell.

Fucking.

Yes.

I took a few quick and large steps up to him, practically skipping next to him. I spun around and began walking backwards at his pace. "Sorry, repeat that again?" I said, smirking. Karkat clicked his tongue. "Don't make me change my mind." He glanced over at me, giving me daggers. "Just don't talk to my brother and you'll be fine."

_Brother?_

"Since when do you have a brother?" I asked, turning back around and walking forward again. Karkat looked at me in anger, and then calmed down. "The kid who you spilled milk on for lecturing you and accidentally scratching your shades." He said coldly, looking the opposite direction of me. Oh.

_That's his brother!?_

That whiney kid who always tries to tell me how to live my life, is a teachers pet, and is dating that douchebag Ampora? That's his brother!? "How in the ever-loving fuck are you two related!?" I nearly shouted, and then added a "No offence." at the end.

He gave me a glare with a couple of blinks, which I registered as 'Nice save, fuckass.' as he then shrugged. "I dunno, he was around my dad a lot more growing up, so I guess his preaching rubbed off on him."

"Preaching?" I asked.

"Yeah, my dad's a priest." Karkat said, shrugging. I laughed. "Oh man, does he like make you guys recite prayers at dinner and doesn't allow swearing or profanities?" We had just come up to a red light, and with no cars coming, we ran across the street.

"Nah," He said, running like a moron with his hands in his pockets. "He doesn't want to force religion on us. He's pretty chill." He shrugged as we started walking again. "Oh. That's nice." I said, trying to think of something else to talk about.

"What about your mom?" I looked over at him, and he tensed up a bit. He paused before answering. "I don't know."  
"You don't know?"

"No, she's been missing for 5 years." We were just coming up to his block. "Missing?" I asked. "Why was I not informed of this!?" I nearly shouted, but Karkat clamped my mouth shut.

"Not missing as in missing person, I mean one night she just packed up and left. She left a note and we never heard or saw her again." We had just gotten to his front door. I felt bad for asking. "Sorry man." I said, frowning. He looked unamused.

"Don't apologize for something you had nothing to do with." And as he said that, the lock popped open with the door. I had suddenly just realized that this was maybe my third time at Karkat's place (If being held in the foyer counts.)

It was tidy. There were family photographs around on the walls and the place seemed well kept. You'd think your average family lived here. I saw a worn photograph of a young-looking troll lady who seemed really attractive, and next to her was a tall, smiling man. _Karkat's parents?_

Karkat tugged me up the stairs, and I followed him. As we turned and headed for Karkat's bedroom door, we heard a loud thump and a scream. Karkat's eyes widened, and he ran to the door opposite from his own, and swung it open.

Inside was Kankri, pinned under and being attacked by Cronus. Well, not exactly attacked violently, but more like Cronus was being a leech to Kankri. No wonder he always wears turtlenecks.

"What the fuck is he doing here!?" Karkat shouted, pointing at Cronus. Cronus sat up and crossed his arms. "Can't a guy have some private time with his matesprite?" He asked, playing with Kankri's hair (Who seemed _extremely_ uncomfortable.)

"Not at night, when I'm home!" Karkat growled. Cronus looked over at me and smirked. "Don't be such a hypocrite, Kar." He eyed at me. Karkat suddenly understood what he meant and growled. "I'm not even in a fucking quadrant with him!" _Oh great, that troll romance shit._ "Just get the fuck out!"

"Cronus…" Kankri said in a small voice. "We can continue this-" "We'll continue this when I want to. Which is right now. And I'm not about to let some shitty brat ruin this for me." He grumbled, standing up. Kankri sat up and shot upwards immediately. "Don’t you dare talk abou-" And then was smacked in the face by Cronus.

"Whatever. I'm leaving." He said, shaking his head in disapproval and walking out of the room. Kankri had shrunken down to the floor and began to cry.

"Get out." He whispered, sniffling. Karkat sighed and closed the door. I gave him a look of concern.

"He'll be better tomorrow." He assured me. I awkwardly nodded my a bit, feeling like shit for lashing out on that poor kid a few months earlier, and we both walked into his room.

Karkat's room was about as tidy as the rest of the house. Except for a huge pile of DVDs scattered around in one corner. I raised my eyebrow at him and gestured to the DVDs. He sighed and furrowed his brow. "Kankri was looking for some movie and fucked it up. Normally they're stacked." He sighed, taking off his sweater and tossing it across the room.

He was wearing a gray long sleeve shirt, which seemed to be too big for him. He walked over to his computer monitor and sat down, ignoring me. I felt a little twinge of annoyance. _What a great host, Crabbycakes._

"So uh…" I said, feeling awkward and out of place, standing off to a corner and unsure if I should sit on his bed or just stand. Karkat seemed to notice my confusion, and rolled his eyes. "My bed doesn't have any monsters under it, you freak. Sit down." I jumped a bit, and shuffled over to his bed.

"Where's your dad? Does he care if I swear er…?" I shifted a bit, feeling the softness of his blankets.

"He's at work." Karkat said, not moving his eyes from the monitor. "And even if he was here he wouldn't care anyways. He'd be in the basement or the garage working on something."

"Like what? What does a priest make?" I asked, intrigued. "Erm, he has a hobby of making car parts." Karkat minimized something and swiveled around in his spinny chair. "He has a side job of upgrading shitty cars or just pimping out people's rides."

"Really? That's pretty sweet." I say, impressed. "He seems like a pretty cool Priest. And ironically, you destroy everything you touch."

"I do not!" He muttered, opening a drawer and pulling out some tic tacs, throwing them at me. I caught it in midair and smirked, popping the container open and taking a few. "Thanks, Crabbycakes." He groaned at the name and rolled his eyes.

"Douche."

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

 

_Dave Strider is in my house._

_In my room._

_Sitting in my bed._

_How in the absolute fuck did this happen again?_

Oh right, I decided to try to be nice to the asshat and then invited him over. Great. I'm sitting at my desk, showing Dave shitty videos from YouTube Poop and other weird shit. It's around 11, and I already know that Kankri snuck out since he would have complained about the noise by now, but it's not like I can do anything about it.

It makes me sad to see my older brother who acts like such a wise guy be so fucking stupid.

That Ampora guy makes me sick. He's an abusive dick, and he never respects anyone. I heard that he raped Porrim Maryam, but those are just rumors (However, I wouldn't be surprised if it was true.) He dated so many other girls and guys while dating Kankri, but he still stays with him.

Although, I do know why.

Since before Cronus went through his dick-period where it was before his dad got sent to prison for rampantly murdering his mother in front of him and his little brother, he was actually a pretty cool guy. He was nice, and he was Kankri's best friend. They started going out a year and a half before the incident.

I already know that Kankri isn't a virgin, even though he acts like one. I've had my moments where I've came home and heard soft moans and grunts coming from his bedroom. I wasn't disgusted at the time though, since I knew they were in love. I guess that sometimes I felt a little jealous, since he had someone to have such trust and intimacy to.

But those days are over now, and instead I come to noises that I have trouble registering as pain or muffled pleasure, and rough grunts and slamming coming from the walls. It makes me want to break the door down and shoot him in the head.

I did break the door down once.

It didn't go too well. Sadly little freshman me didn't know that junior year Amporas carry pocketknives on them. I took a huge blow to the stomach and Kankri started crying and begging him to stop. He ended up getting pissed and leaving, but he ended up coming back and driving me to the hospital in his pickup truck.

I've always hated him and Kankri knew it. But he always said the same line. "Sometimes people go down the wrong paths, and it's up to others to help them get back on track again." He isn't a damn saint like our dad, and even if he was, some people can't be changed.

My thoughts are interrupted by Dave clearing his throat and gesturing to the time on my monitor. It's 12:30 now. We have school tomorrow, and my eyes widen. "Ah, shit, I forgot." I said, turning off my monitor and standing up.

"So uh…" Dave starts. "Where am I gonna sleep?" He says it in just below a whisper, and I mentally facepalm. I didn't think of a place for him to sleep.

"Shit. Uh…" There's no way he's sleeping in Kankri's room, he'll flip. Dad's room is off limits, and Cronus is probably going to take the couch….

"Just sleep with me. Anywhere else you'll get me in trouble or you'll get hurt." I said, hopping in bed and scooting over in my blankets. His face went red. "N-No, I can sleep on the floor, it's fine." He began to lower himself on the floor, until I groaned and pulled his arm, making him flop onto the bed.

"You're not laying on the floor because there are things under my bed that you don't need to see." I muttered. He smirked and looked up. "Nudes? Porn?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. I smacked his head.

"No dumbass. None of your business." I groaned. "Now take off your shades." As I reached for them, he pushed my hand away. "I can do it by myself, Crabbycakes." He chuckled, placing them on my bedside table and laying down beside me.

"I swear to god, say this to anyone and I will kill you and hang your ass up in my room like a fucking deer head." I threatened, but Dave laughed. "And what will you do with my ass, huh? Keep it with the rest of your stuff under the bed?" I rolled over, facing him, and placed cold feet under his shirt and on his stomach.

He yelped and begged for mercy, making me smirk. "Don't try anything, Strider." I said, rolling over and closing my eyes. I felt him nod, and I drifted off to sleep.

  
~4:00 AM~

I open my eyes to an unfamiliar warmth on me. I crinkle my fingers and toes to feel where everything is. A pair of broad arms are around me. I look beside me and see Dave, cuddling me and has his forehead against my shoulder.

_What the fuck? Is he seriously a cuddler?_

I'm about to move when I suddenly notice something. 1. He's shaking. 2. His eyes are wet and puffy, meaning that he was crying.

 _Does he get nightmares? Why is he holding me? Why is he crying?!_ I try to calm myself down, and I close my eyes again, hoping to fall back asleep.

It doesn't really work. I hear soft murmurs coming from Dave, and I try listening in. _"… No…. Stop… I give up… No…"_ I felt sort of sad that he was having a nightmare, but then again, everyone needs something to break their ego sometimes. After a few more minutes, my eyelids become heavy again, and I fall back into a deep slumber.


	3. Time for Some "Education"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat come late, and John struggles in school. Dave sneaks off with Jade and Karkat is given "therapy" by Rose and Kanaya.

*John's POV*

 

It's already 8:15 am. Dave isn't here, which is the usual. He's always at least 30 minutes late, with some shitty note from his brother. But Karkat isn't here either. That isn't normal. He's always here on time, thanks to his perfectionist brother.

 _Is Karkat sick? No, he never gets sick. What if something bad happened?!_ I start to worry, since Karkat is my best bro, and I can't survive a school day without him or Dave. I need them both to help me with schoolwork and shit. I have a hard time paying attention sometimes, okay!? Just as I begin to have a mini-mental breakdown, the door swings open with Dave and Karkat, both out of breath and panting.

"You're late." Our teacher says, already writing down a tardy slip. "No, I have a note." Dave said, holding out a slip of paper. "So do I." The teacher took both Karkat and Dave's notes. She smiled at Karkat and told him to take a seat, crumpling up his tardy slip, but frowned at Dave. "Mr. Strider, your older brother seems to love keeping you home. Does he not care about your education?" She questioned.

Dave shrugged. "I dunno. Why don't you ask him yourself?" He said, nonchalantly. "I'd rather speak to your mother or father about this, Mr. Strider." The teacher placed her hands on her hips, and Dave smirked. He made a fake gasp. "Wow! You can speak to the dead?" Those who didn't know in this class let out a gasp.

Dave's parents died in a double suicide when he was 4. His brother was only 16, but he had a stable enough job to keep them both alive. Then he started taking more desperate measures to earn money, and he slowly but surely turned into an ass. It's kind of sad, but he makes a lot of money now.

The teacher's eyes widened, and she sputtered a bit before speaking. "M-Mr. Strider, I apologize pro-" "Shut your mouth. " Dave interrupted. "How about you think about people's living situations before you bitch about their personal lives." And with that, he grabbed a seat and sat down, folding his hands behind his head.

The teacher just glared at him, before starting class.

* * *

 

*Dave's POV*

 

I'm walking in the hallway when I suddenly get attacked by a squealing mess of black hair. Jade. Of course. John's insane cousin who happens to love the outdoors and growing shit. The leader of the gardening club and is the go-to for any firearm, legal or not.

"Dave!" She says loudly, tugging my arm. "You need to come with me, right now!"

"What the fuck Harley," I said, allowing myself to be dragged. "Where the hell are we going?" I knew I wasn't going to get an answer, but I still went along with it.

We came across to the stairway, and Jade holds me up against the wall. "Hold still." She says as she hops on the side of my body. "Jade- What the hell are you doing!?" I nearly lose my balance. "Hold still! I need to get out!" She slides through the window, and slips out. "Come on!"

I'm tall enough to get through by hopping up, so I do so. I jump down and I already see Jade running down the side of the school. "Jade would you fucking wait half a second." I say, running after her. She turns the corner, and I follow, and we're at the dumpsters.

"Jade what the fuck. Why are we here?" I have to plug my nose from the smell. She says nothing, and hops on top of the dumpster, jumping up and grabbing hold of an old, rusted ladder. "Jade I don't think this is safe, or legal."

"Since when are you a cop?" She turns and asks me. I shrug. "Touché." I say, climbing onto the dumpster. I hop on the ladder and pull myself up (Thanks, P.E.)

We were up on the roof now, and Jade was running around on the little pebbles that covered it. "What if they hear footsteps?" I asked. "They'll think it's a raccoon or some shit." She said.

"Aren't there security cameras?" I asked. Jade had found some large stick. She went up to where she was above a hanging security camera, and smashed it with the stick. "Done." She smiled. I sighed and shook my head.

"They're going to figure out there's no signal and check those eventually." I said, face-palming. "They don't check the cameras every day, only like once a week." She stated, smiling.

"Jesus H Christ how do you know all of this shit?" I asked, to which I got no answer once again as she skipped along the roof, looking around at the tree branches. "So… What exactly was your plan for us being up here?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. I thought it was cool." She sat down on the edge of the roof, letting her legs dangle over. "Maybe we could… Talk?"

I shrugged, and sat down next to her. "'Bout what?"

"I dunno… Stuff?"

"What kind of stuff?"

"Stuff!"

"Like…?"

"Who do you like?... Or hate! Whichever you prefer."

"Neither. I don't know why I should even tell you out of all people that."

"Why?"

"Since you're friends with Feferi and Vriska."

"What about them?"

"They feed off of this shit. And you can't keep many secrets."

"Yes I can!"

"No, you can't. When John told you he liked Rose one morning, by the end of the school day half of the school knew."

"Maybe someone overheard?"

"All of those people ended up being linked back to you."

"Snitches get stitches."

"What?"

"Nothing!"

I chuckled. Man, Jade sure is something else.

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

 

Never have I ever been late to class. Thanks to Kankri, of course. But Kankri never came home, like I expected. Neither did Cronus, which I take as a bad sign. He was at school, but he didn't talk much. I didn't need to say anything to him to know what happened. I don't even want to know.

Dave ended up making us late, since he "Knew we were going to be late anyways" so he went to go force his hangover-ridden brother to sign some shitty notes for him. Plus, that stunt he pulled off in class was horrible.

What outraged me the most, was that he woke up before me, but he didn't bother to wake me up. When I asked why, he just said I "looked too cute, and he didn't want to ruin it." Asshole.

Today hasn't been a good day for me. It's about the halfway point, and I'm already saying this. I was reminded of my empty quadrants as I saw my ex-moirail and my ex-matesprite holding hands and sucking face in the hall. I chuckled to myself when they both got detentions, though.

Terezi and I dated for about a year, and it was pretty nice. But in the end, I ended up ignoring her for a while because of depression, and other shit going on in my life. Apparently, we didn't interact enough to be considered moirails anymore, so she left me for "someone who would actually talk to her".

That someone was none other than my moirail at the time, Gamzee.

Now, Gamzee still thinks we're moirails, but let's just say I now understood why Terezi broke up with me. We don't talk. He's always with Terezi, which makes me jealous over him and her at the same time, which doesn't even make any fucking sense, but whatever.

Plus, I don't even know if I want to talk with him anymore. Gamzee's been getting involved with his older brother's gang, Alternian Devils. They steal, beat the shit out of people, and some even rape girls. They make me sick. Asshole-Ampora is part of them as well.

Kankri was asked to join by Cronus's friends several times, but (This is the only time I give Cronus credit as a boyfriend) Cronus beat the shit out of those guys and told them to leave Kankri out of their shit. But, Kankri still dates that fucker.

I was sitting in study hall as I thought about all of this, looking at some shit American History textbook for some shit test coming up. I felt two shadows hover above me, and before I could say anything, I was being dragged away, muffled and lifted off my feet.

I was thrown into a tiny closet, with a beat up plastic chair in it. "Hello, Karkat." I heard a familiar voice say. Rose.

"Sorry for being so rough," Kanaya?! "But this was urgent."

"I get Rose, but why Kanaya?" I asked. "I thought she should hear this too, since she has been concerned." Rose said, smiling over at her.

"You look troubled, and you came to school late. I saw you running with Dave, so I got worried." She explained. I made a puzzled face. "Worried about what? It's just Dave." I shrugged.

This was actually pretty normal. Rose would normally drag me somewhere to have "therapy sessions", but that's just a formal way of calling it a feelings jam. Kanaya does it too, but I tend to get more into it with Kanaya. Probably because she's a troll.

Kanaya would be considered my moirail, but I haven't really broken up with Gamzee formally yet. It's not really cheating though, since it's not like we do anything anyways.

She and Rose shared worried glances. "What?" I asked. "Karkat, Dave has been rumored to be affiliated with the Makara's gang." Kanaya said. My eyes widened.

"What." I said. Rose stepped in, seeing the shock in my face. "They're only rumors. And even if it was true, Dave wouldn't do those horrible things they do. He probably sold them a gun or two from Jade for some extra cash, or needed protection from his brother-" "What's with him and his brother?" I interrupted her, and she gave me an odd look.

"You…" She paused, looking for her wording. "You… Don’t know…?"

"Well if I did, I wouldn't be asking, now would I?" I said, stating the obvious. "Last night he needed somewhere to stay because apparently his brother is too much to handle."

"So… Where did he go…?" Rose asked. "I let him stay with me."

"With you?" Kanaya asked, even more surprised. I chuckled a bit. "Yeah, I know. I thought I was just being polite until I realized exactly what I was doing, but it was too late by then."

"Does Karkat not often invite people over?" Rose asked Kanaya. She shook her head, and Rose began to write something down in her little Karkat Journal, as I like to call it.

"Then what happened?" Kanaya asked. "Well, we stayed up late fucking around, then we went to bed, and we woke up late." I seemed to have said it too simple for Kanaya to believe.

"Ugh, can you answer my question about his brother now?" I asked. Rose gave me an uneasy look, and sighed. "Don't tell him I told you. If you don't know, then I'm not sure he wants you to…"

"Just spit it out." I said, getting impatient. She took a deep breath. "Dave's brother abuses him. A lot. My mother forced him to come live with us, so it could stop, or at least slow down. But when he's drunk, it amplifies and Dave couldn't come home without being in harm."

I couldn't say anything. Then I remembered when he was talking in his sleep. "He… He was talking in his sleep." I said slowly. "How do you know?" Rose asked. "We slept in the same bed, don't ask, okay." I muttered.

Kanaya snickered, but I pretended not to hear her. "I heard him begging someone to stop doing something, and he was crying- er, sleep-crying."

Rose frowned. "What did you mean- When you said it… Amplifies…?" I asked carefully, not wanting to hit a soft spot. Rose shook her head. "I already told you too much. I'm not going any further."

"This concludes our session." She and Kanaya walked out of the closet, leaving me alone and feeling like utter shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the gang name kind of sucks. Trust me, this shit will get better.


	4. It's All A Deadly Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Jade have an emotional moment while Karkat wishes he had his old friend back.

*Dave's POV*

 

_"And then this asshole tries to buy it from me for only $200. I mean, come on! That isn't even half of the worth of that gun! Who the fuck does he think he is!?"_

Jade is ranting about how Horrus was trying to scam her for some shitty price on a gun. I wasn't really paying attention though. It's kind of funny, since Jade is the last person you'd expect to be in a gang.

"Why are you laughing?" She turns to me, and gives me confused eyes with a smirk on her lips. I hummed. "I just find it kind of funny how you're even in this gang."

"Oh really?" She places her hands on her hips. "Are you just saying that cause I'm a girl?"

"No, I'm just saying that you seem like the kind of girl that's obsessed with makeup and magazines and boys; Not guns and shooting things." I shrugged as I said it. "I mean, why do you think they flock to you? You're under the radar since nobody suspects you."

"Hypocrite." She huffed. "Excuse me?" I raised an eyebrow. She laughed, and stood up, tugging me along with her.

"Don't forget what you do to get extra cash, and stop your Bro from potentially killing you." She poked my chest, and traced her finger up to my chin, and held it. "Or, who even got you those jobs."

I gently pushed her hand away. "I'm not actually in the gang though." I looked away from her, and looked out off of the roof. I don't like making eye contact with her when she gets like this. "But you're affiliated." She rebutted.

"' _Affiliated_ ' is just a fancy way of saying 'not in the gang but help out from time to time'." I made air quotes around my words, and slowly began to walk backwards to the ladder. "Yeah, well you're probably not going to be ' _Affiliated_ ' anymore." She muttered, breaking eye contact. I stopped.

"What?" I asked, leaning forward a bit. She groaned. "Ugh, have you not noticed?" She looked at me as if I was Rose when she was lecturing her not to join. "Kurloz has been losing his members. They're dropping like flies, and he needs all the help he can get for his next plan."

"But nobody can leave." I said. "How can he be losing members?"

"You leave, you're dead." She explained, looking more uneasy than usual. "Why do you think they're gone?"

"H-He killed them!?" I stammered. "God no! Are you fucking stupid!? They died! _He_ didn't kill them, some other group did." Jade face palmed, and stepped closer to me.

I took one step back, but she took another forward. She wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me close. She's a lot shorter than me, so her face was tucked into my stomach. "Jade… Get off…" I tried peeling her arms off, but she had an iron grip. "Jade-"

"I don't want you to die." She whispered. My shirt felt damp, and she held me tighter. _Ah, shit._ "I'm not going to die." I assured her, rubbing her head with my hand. She shook her head against my stomach. "If you go back there again, they'll force you to join." She said shakily.

"I won't let them." I said, slowly wrapping my arms around her as well. If you can't beat them, join them. "They'll hurt you… Trust me…" She pulled away, hair shielding her face, and lifted her shirt up to show me her bare stomach.

Well, almost bare.

A large scar bulges out, looking like a worm on it's side sticking out of her body. It was red and purple and looked deep. I could see old stitching marks on her body, but it didn't really seem to help the wound.

I noticed it went higher, and when I tried to lift her shirt more, she stopped me. "I-It goes up to my breast." She whispered. "What the fuck happened?" I asked, grabbing her by the shoulders. "I'll kill whoever did this to you."

She smiled sadly and shook her head. "You can't, and you won't." She let out a shaky sigh, and let her shirt down. She rubbed circles into her eyes. "If you want to make me happy, just don't go back there. No matter how broke you are."

"What about my Bro?" I asked, crossing my arms. "Didn't Karkat let you sleep over? Go to him. Or John!"

"What makes you think they'll want to help me again? John's Dad thinks we're fucking with how much I sleep over there, and Karkat never even let me in past his foyer before last night. I'm not going to overstay my welcome with them." I sighed. Jade frowned.

"I'd let you stay with me… But you know… Jake…" _Jake_. The guy that dated my Bro. And Bro-ked his heart. And made him hate me, and take out all of his anger and frustration on me in more ways than one, and more ways then I'll gladly admit.

"Yeah. I understand." I said softly. "No issue."

Our thoughts were interrupted by the lunch bell.

* * *

 *Karkat's POV*

 

I'm in my last period before I can get out of this hell hole. I'm tired, hungry, and I want to just dick around on my computer for a while. As the last bell rings, I feel a pair of eyes on me. I don't bother to look though, since to be honest, I couldn't care less right now.

As I'm walking out the door, I'm tugged to the side violently, and pulled behind some bushed. My mouth is covered, and I begin to struggle and bite at the person. I bite down, and I see a dark purple liquid coming from the person's hand. _"Ah shit, motherfucker!"_

_What is he doing here?_

"Gamzee!?" I shout, backing away from him quickly. He cradles his hand in pain, and then looks up at me. I expect him to be angry, and beat the shit out of me, but he shakes his hand a bit and smiles lazily at me. "Hey best bro."

_Why am I talking to him?_

"H-Hi… Gamzee…" I say awkwardly, fidgeting a bit before standing up. "What is it?"

He chuckles a bit, before also standing up and coming a bit closer. "Well, I just wanted to hang out, before you all up and bit me," He says, clenching the bitten fist and unclenching it. "Oh… I'm sorry, you scared me." I said, taking his hand and examining it.

_What am I doing?_

"Look Bro, I'm sorry for not hanging out with you in a while. I've just been all up and schmoozing Terezi that I got distracted." He explained. "Lemme make it up to you. Come over to my place. Let's play some motherfucking videogames." He placed his arm around me, and not even listening to my answer, dragged me along to his place.

His place was still the same as I remembered it. Although, just a lot more gunshots in the walls.

I've always been put off by Gamzee's place, but I never said anything about it. I knew he was in a gang, I just didn't know what his gang did until a while later. He sat me down in the living room, and he turned on his PS3.

"Next week I'm getting a PS4." He said, sliding in the disc for Call of Duty. "Better graphics, and better gaming. You can all up and come over and play it whenever you like, Bro."

"Thanks." I said, still feeling awkward. He hands me his second controller, and we start playing. After about an hour, we hear the door swing open, and Kurloz walks in. "Hey big Bro." Gamzee says lazily. He comes into the living room, glares at me, and then walks up the stairs into his room and slams the door.

I jump a bit when the door slams, and Gamzee notices and sighs. "I'm motherfucking sorry, Bro." He says, pausing the game. "He's been all up and stressed about shit lately."

"Oh." I say. "Stressed about what? School?"

Gamzee glances at the stairs for a few seconds before answering me. "Not exactly." He says, scooting closer to me. "It's about his motherfucking gang, man." He says softly

My eyes widen. "W-What's going on?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer. "Well, he's been all up and losing his members. He needs more for something important, and he's all low on it." Gamzee explains.

"The good thing though, is that since there's less people we get paid motherfucking more," He chuckled. "Hey, best Bro." He says, nudging me.

"What?" I ask, tilting my head a bit. "Wanna join our gang?"

I stood up, infuriated. "What?!" I screamed. "Whoa Bro, calm do-" I punched him in the face- Hard.

"You do realize that your shitty gang is the reason why my brother doesn't fucking talk to anyone anymore? And why he has an abusive as shit boyfriend?" I screamed. Gamzee looks down at the floor, not responding.

"Why the fuck does Terezi even date you?!" I yelled. "You're just a sack of shit like your brother!"

Gamzee chuckled, rolling his head around his shoulders and looked up at me. He spat his blood in another direction before speaking. "That teal bitch is just my motherfucking side, Bro." He slurred. "I'm just fucking with her, we don't got any chemistry Bro,"

"But damn, she moans like a whore when I fuck her."

I punch him again, but this time I'm the one who's hurt. A loud bang goes off, and I feel a sharp pain in my shoulder. I look up to see Kurloz on the stairwell, holding the smoking gun. "I told you he wouldn't join." He mutters, firing again.

I run out of the house, bullets chasing me, but missing. I clutched my shoulder in pain. _What the fuck just happened?_

Then I realized.

_Gamzee wanted me to join his gang._

_I felt lonely and I wanted my old moirail back._

_I'm getting the absolute fuck out of here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it isn't obvious, yes, Kurloz is the leader of the gang. Yes, there is another gang in their town.


	5. Freaking Out Over Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave runs into a bloodied Karkat and forces him to go to the hospital. He tells John, who proceeds to freak out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically I failed to color-code the pesterchum chats, since I suck at HTML stuff.

*Dave's POV*

 

It's 4:30, and I'm wandering around with nothing better to do. I have no work to do, and I'm not in the mood of having some sort of awkward conversation with Bro or Rose. I'm walking uphill, and my legs begin to burn.

I'm not really paying attention to where I'm going. Just the stinging in my legs and the shitty music flowing out of my earbuds and wrapping around my head. I do this pretty often. Just walk. With or without music. It makes me feel like a zombie, but I don't care.

Music takes me away from the shittiness of the world. It's how we decorate time, and make it pass. I want to fast forward to graduation where I can get the hell out of this small ass town with John and turn my back on all of these assholes.

Making music, and listening to it. Those are my hobbies. I want to be a musician- Electronic or not- and just do what makes me happy.

I don't want to end up like Bro, working at a job that I hate that makes me a lot of money.

In some way, I am responsible. He was 16, and tasked with taking care of a 5 year old for the rest of his life. He was at a shitty part-time job, with some cosplay on the side. Then he got into his weird ass puppet-pornography. He hated it. I know he did. He hated having to hide things from me, which he eventually stopped.

He changed drastically, going from saying "It's not your fault," to "Why couldn't you just die with them?" over the course of 4 years. At 10 years old, the abuse started getting worse. Beating occurred daily. He wore those damn leather gloves with metal knuckles, which hurt a lot more.

At 14, the abuse escalated to-

A sharp scream breaks me from my thought, as I fall to the ground with a thud. I feel something warm and wet on my arm, and I see bright red blood. I scream out, and look up. Karkat is on his knees, clutching his shoulder, tears slipping from his cheeks. "D-Dave?"

"Karkat, what the fuck happened to you?" I scramble to get up, reaching for his arm before he pulls away. "Don't fucking touch me!" Karkat snaps, showing his sharp teeth. Fucking trolls…

"Dude, I want to help you." I say- Not touching- but looking at his wound. A bullet wound. "I could care less about your blood color. It's the same as mine so even if I cared about your blood-caste-bullshit, I'd have no say."

He had stopped talking (For once) and moved his hand, granting me a better view. The bullet was still in his shoulder. "Fuck-" I say, pulling out my phone. "You gotta go to the hospital."

"No!" He shouts, grabbing for my arm with the phone in hand. I twist my eyebrows. "I… My dad… I don't want him to know about this."

"Dude-" I grab his arm, and push my shades up onto my forehead. I ignore the bright sun in my face and look directly at his eyes, causing him to tense up. "If you get an infection, you will die. I know for a fact that trolls' immune systems are weaker on earth."

"You're going to the hospital."

* * *

 

*John's POV*

 

I was sitting at my desk, nose-deep in a book.

Well, a textbook to be exact. For my upcoming biology test. Which I'm probably going to fail. I finally got a good start of my studying when my phone buzzes.

My first instinct is to ignore it; My studies are more important than one of Dave's shitty raps. But then I looked at the preview of the message. 'Karkat… Hospital… Shot…'

Well, there goes my textbook.

I grab my phone and nearly crack my screen with it's passcode.

 

EB: what!? what do you mean he's in the hospital?! what happened?

EB: …

EB: dave!?

 

No answer. Well, considering the fact that he's probably in an ambulance with Karkat, that would make sense. I'm too ansy to even finish my studying, let alone think about biology at a time like this.

I begin messaging Karkat.

 

EB: karkat?? are you there? is everything ok??

EB: oh man please don't be too hurt i'm really worried

EB: message me when you can buddy

 

Well that didn't help. At all. I quickly open up Pesterchum. I need to ask Rose and Jade about this, or at least tell them.

 

EB: rose! are you there? please answer me!!

TT: John? Is everything alright?

EB: no, dave just texted me something about karkat getting shot!! i'm really scared and i don’t know what to do!

TT: Oh shit.

TT: Ask your dad to take you to the nearest hospital then.

EB: he isn't home

TT: Damn.

TT: My mother isn't anywhere close to the legal limit of her blood to alcohol level.

TT: I'm afraid we are going to have to wait this out.

EB: but what if it was a critical hit!?

TT: "Critical hit"?

TT: This is not Call of Duty, John.

EB: sorry

TT: It's fine.

TT: I'm afraid I have to go, my dear mother seems to be getting rid of her excess alcohol.

EB: ew. alright, i'll talk to you later! bye!

 

EB: jade!!

GG: john!!

EB: jade listen to me! dave texted me that karkat got shot! they're at the hospital!!

GG: oh no! :o

EB: i'm scared. i hope karkat wasn't hurt too bad

GG: im sure hes fine :)

EB: what makes you think so?

GG: i mean trolls are in general tougher than humans. they could probably take a bullet or two before going down

EB: wow

GG: yeah! And plus im sure it wasnt a bad hit. the people around here suck at aiming

EB: heh, there are times i forget you're in a gang

GG: hehe, ;)

GG: besides, the gangs around here have been getting more rowdy. youre lucky youre not involved.

EB: yeah, but i mean it gets kind of boring sometimes. i'd like to be adventurous like you.

GG: i dont think these are the kind of adventures you would want to go on. :(

EB: oh.

 

I'm interrupted mid-sentence with a phone call from Dave. "Hello?"

"Hey man, sorry I didn't respond to your text. Things have been hectic."

"That's fine! Just- How's Karkat? And what happened!?"

"Basically his ex-best friend and his brother tried to force him to join their gang, and when he resisted they shot at him. Nothing too serious, but they got his shoulder. Damn did you know how tough troll skin is-"

"Dave, I just want to know if he's okay."

"Yeah, he's just in surgery now. He'll be fine in a couple of hours."

I sighed in relief. "Thank god."

"Thank the doctors, too." And with that, he hung up. I looked at my phone, and then at my computer.

 

EB: dave called! karkat's ok!

GG: yay! see, what did i tell you? :)

EB: heh

 

EB: karkat's okay, according to dave!

TT: I'm glad to hear that. Something good out of this sea of vomit.

EB: gross, rose.

TT: Sorry. Anyways, did Dave say when he's coming home?

EB: nope! sorry!

TT: Ugh, that's fine.

 

And with that, I continued my studies (or at least attempted to before playing Minecraft for another 4 hours.)

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

 

I open my eyes to flourescent lights, a popcorn ceiling, and a searing pain in my left shoulder. I attempt to move my right arm, but it's strapped to the bed with an IV in it, as well as other tubes. I cringe at the sight of blood flowing through one of the tubes. I look to the left, and I see a Strider sitting in a chair next to my bed.

I flinch, attempting to scoot away (With no avail.) He's asleep, head dipped low enough where his eyelashes slip under his shades, making it clear that his eyes are closed. I chuckle a little, wishing I could take a picture or at least kick him, but even my legs feel heavy.

"Hey, fuckass." I say, trying to wake him up with my voice. "Strider!"

Aren't I supposed to be really loud? Why isn't this working? I groan, and give up, letting my arms go limp. I feel a lump in my pants. My phone (You sick fucks.) I can move my left arm from the elbow down, so I grab my phone and turn it on. 3 new messages from John himself.

Oh great, he's probably flipping his shit by now, unless Dave told him. I have no interest in dealing with that moron, so I click off my phone and slide it back in my pocket. I look at Dave, who's still asleep. Fuck it, let's try to get rid of my signature bags. I close my eyes, and wait for sleep to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was so short, I had to deal with something and when I came back I forgot how I wanted to end it ;-;


	6. I Always Fuck Shit Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Karkat wakes up and fights with Dave, and John figures out that he may not be 100% straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I've been mostly sticking to DaveKat, and I'm going to start showing a lil more JohnDave. Don't worry I'm taking this slowly guys. Even if you guys hate me for it.

*Karkat's POV*

 

_"Fuck off. You don't even have any friends so you wouldn't understand anyways."_ I hear muffled shouting coming from just outside my hospital room, and I wake up. _"It's not like you even want me there anyways… Shut up, you're drunk."_

_Dave?_

_"You only care about being arrested for neglect, not about my well being."_

_Who is he talking to?_

I try moving, but those damn IV's are still in my arms. "Da-Dave!" My voice croaks as I speak. I see the shadow of his head look towards my door. _"Shit- Look, I'll be home. I gotta go."_ I hear quick steps, and my door is swung open. "Karkat?"

"Yes, Dave?" I ask, glaring at him. "Holy shit dude are you feeling alright?" He leaps over the hospital bed- _"Whoa fucking watch it-"_ He looks at me, then laughs. My face twists into a frown.

"What?" I ask. "Oh nothing." He laughs, shaking his head. "I just never expected you to be in the action of these gangs, getting shot and all."

"I'm not, asshole." I click my tongue. Is he really doing this? "Hey, how does it feel to get shot?" He smirks. "Fuck you!" I hiss. Dave laughs.

"Sensitive, huh?" He sneers. "Hey Dave?" I ask. He hums.

"What do you think of all of this gang bullshit?" I could see him tense at the corner of my eye. "I mean I got shot over it, it seems kind of stupid, don't you think?" I looked up at him. He hesitated before speaking. "So how exactly did it feel to be shot?" He was avoiding the topic.

"Dave." I say, hardening my voice. "Are you in a gang?"

He says nothing, avoiding eye contact. "Dave."

"Dave, answer m-" "I'm sorry." Is all he says when he sighs, sitting down.

I don't say anything. I just glare at him, and feel anger fuming in my gut. "How fucking stupid are you!?" I shout, eyes stinging. "You do realize that those people are the ones that fucking hurt my brother? Like fucking Cronus?"

"Look; One, I'm only affiliated. Two, I needed it for the money, and for protection from my br-" He stops himself. "I'm not like those other guys."

"Cronus changed, so can you." He turns to me, looking hurt even behind his dumb shades. "And why the hell do you need protection from your brother? What, does he get mad when you sneak out to your gang meetings and get hurt? Does he beat your ass because he's worried about you getting hurt? Well you deserve it asshole." I spit at him, and notice that Dave's hands have been balled into fists and he's looking down.

His head snaps up, he grits his teeth. "Really? I fucking deserve it? I fucking deserve to have his pent up anger and sexual frustration taken out on me? Being drowned in a fucking toilet bowl and forced to clean up his messes, having to fucking sneak food into my room to actually _eat_ , being told that you're the cause of his downward spiral in life and being wished to have died with my parents?" He shouts, kicking his chair over in anger. "Yeah, I fucking deserve that bullshit. _Every. Single. Day._ "

I couldn't speak. I fucked up again. I always fuck up. I don't want Dave to die. I don't want him to become another Cronus and hurt everyone.  "Dave I-I'm sorry. I don't want you to change… Like Cronus… I don't want you to get hurt… Okay… I went out of line… I'm sorry…" I whispered, tears rolling down my face.

Dave just stood there. Looking stoic as usual. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "It's… It's alright. I get it…" He says softly, rubbing my shoulder. "Who told you?" 

"I'm not saying. You'll get mad." I say, rubbing my eyes. He chuckles. "Smart of you."

* * *

 

*Dave's POV*

_Why the fuck would Karkat give two shits about me?_ Well okay, sure I just spilled some of my darkest secrets to him, but I doubt he'll really think much of it. It was probably the medicine or whatever that's affecting him.

We hear a knock on the door, and the doctor comes in, telling us that he's releasing Karkat. When he's up and running, Karkat's dad offers to drive us home.

It's a silent drive back, and fairly awkward. With Karkat's dad uninterestedly asking questions and Karkat shooting him down. Almost as bad as my relationship with Bro. When he drops us off, Karkat slides something in my hoodie pocket.

I get out of the car, not really knowing where I was. I didn't want to be in the car anymore. I walk up the driveway. I just stand there for a few minutes, processing what had just happened. I shoved my hand in my pocket, feeling  a sheet of paper.

_ I want to be alone for the next few days. It's not your fault. Please understand. _

I sighed, crumpling up the paper and tossing it in a stray puddle. _It's probably my fault. Why do I always fuck shit up? He's probably freaked out and feels bad and is blaming himself now. Great job, Dave._

I stop myself. The last thing I need is to get worked up over this. What I need is to find a place to stay, and that's that. I look around and take in my surroundings, then smile. I dial up John's number and call him.

"Hello?"

"John. Can I sleep over tonight?"

"Uh, sure. Where are you?"

"Your driveway."

" _What_!?"

Well that's taken care of. I walk over and hop up the steps, waiting for John to open the door. He opens it looking mildly terrified, and I laugh. "That's the magic of Striders." I say, walking in and taking off my shoes. "Yeah… Whatever you say Dave." He says, hopping up the steps to his room. I follow.

In his room, he was already setting up some shitty movie to watch. We sat on his bed, and I lied on his lap, taking off my shades. "Dude I swear to god if you ever go on a diet I will kill you." I said, adjusting my new pillow. "What?" He asks, chuckling. "Your lap is an amazing pillow."

"Uh, thank you?" He says, starting the movie.

* * *

 

*John's POV*

 

Dave Strider is asleep in my lap. His eyelashes are longer than most guys. He looks really relaxed, and less tense then he normally is. His hair feels soft, and it falls in all the right ways. He's skinny but strong, and his eyes are unique and cool looking.

_Dave is really attractive._

_Wait, no- I can't think of my best friend like that._

_I am not gay. And that sounded kinda gay. But I mean I'm just saying, it explains why girls love him. I'm just trying to see him in a girl's point of view. That's all._

I know he used to have a crush on me before. I don't know if he still does now. When he tried asking me out, I denied him, telling him that I wasn't a homosexual. _That'd be a dick move, saying that you're not and then asking him out two years later. What if I'm not straight?_ Rose told me about something called heteronormality or something like that. Where everything says they're straight because they think it's normal.

I groan. _I am not thinking about this right now! I have school tomorrow! I need to sleep!_ I carefully slide him to rest his head on my stomach. I grab a pillow for my head, and lie back. If I get any boners, I'm killing myself.

%MCEPASTEBIN%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest apologies for it being short. I had to end it this way for something in the next chapter.


	7. Coffee and Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where John wakes up and has a confusing morning, leaving him to seek help from Rose. Meanwhile, Karkat sits in isolation and guilt.

*Dave's POV*

 

I am awoken by two things. John's snoring, and a heavy weight on my body. I open my eyes to a black sea of hair. God damn it, this boy is a cuddler.

I try to feel my surroundings. He's half on me, and our legs are tangled. I feel a bulge pressing against my thigh. I chuckle to myself. _Is someone having a wet dream about Rose? How cute._

I look to my right, and see John's little ghost clock. _7:30. Well, I need to get up._ But with 140 pounds of pure Egbert, I'm can't moving a muscle. I nudge his head upwards with mine, causing our faces to get really close. I feel that familiar pang in my chest, and immediately begin yelling in my head.

_No, you are not getting the crush dokis right now. Otherwise you're going to be in the same banana boat as John…_

I start blowing in his face, and digging my fingers into his sides to make him wake up. His eye slowly started to open, but when the realization hit of how close we were, his eyes snapped open and he pushed himself back, falling off the bed with a thud.

"How graceful, Egderp." I say, sitting up and stretching my sore arms. "Shut up. What were you doing?" He asks, rubbing the back of his head and yawning. "Waking you up. We're gonna be late." I slid out of bed, standing up and stretching my entire body.

John had stood up as well, rubbing his eyes and grabbing his glasses. "Y-Yeah, well I'm taking a shower." He grabbed his towel on top of his door and walked out of the room, holding it awkwardly in front of him. "Have fun in there." I winked, making John reciprocate a face of disgust.

I flopped back down onto the bed, face-first. I inhaled the blankets. They were soft and fluffy, and smelled like John's shampoo and cream. I rolled around his covers for a few minutes, before getting up and looking at his obscure film posters and shit Nick Cage movie posters.

_What the hell does he see in the guy?_ I glanced at his closet, seeing a bunch of decent shirts that he never wears, and some fancy shit. _Have I ever seen John in a tux? Probably not._ I looked over at his clock. He's been in there for ten minutes already. I was waiting for him to come out to change, but I think I'm safe.

I strip out of my white T-shirt and tank top, and get rid of my pants. I walk over and grab my pajamas. As my thumbs slip under my boxers, the door swings open. " _Dave I-_ "

* * *

 *John's POV*

 

"Dave I-" Dave is half naked in my bedroom. "- _SHIT_!"

I fall back, the door still being open about three inches. "Dude, are you okay?" Dave doesn't even look embarrassed. "Y-Yeah… Fine… Just, finish changing…" I say, closing the door. _And I had just gotten rid of my boner too…_

I groan, reimagining the image I had saw. _Am I even straight?! Who can I ask about this?_ I smile, and reach for my phone to text Rose.

 

_EB: Rose, talk to me after school at Kitchen Sink._

 

_She seems more experienced on the topic. Considering how she's dating a female-alien girl. Wait, trolls have genders, but no sexualities. So would that even count?_

My thoughts are interrupted when Dave walks out of the room, fully clothed, with shades and backpack. "Come on, we're gonna be late."

* * *

 *Karkat's POV*

 

I can't go to school, since I still need to heal, and the last thing I need to do is shoulder-bump 900 other kids all day. John's going to be upset, but he can deal with it. I take a sip of my hot cocoa that Kankri made me before he left. The Haunting Hour is playing on my TV, but I'm not really watching it.

I feel like shit for what I did to Dave, but I just don't want to be around anyone right now. I know that they aren't but what Gamzee did to me got to me. _What if they're all faking it because they want something?_

_Drip._

_If I hadn't fucked things up with Terezi, maybe she wouldn't be dealing with Gamzee and his bullshit right now._

_Drip._

_Maybe if I was a better moirail._

_Drip._

_Maybe it's because I'm a mutant._

_Slice._

_Drip._

_Rinse and repeat._ Just like every other night, but only this time it's in the morning. The red matches the couch. Nobody would really notice. Nobody ever notices.

* * *

  *John's POV* 

_**After School**_

 

"So, what exactly is it that you wanted to talk about?" Rose asks, legs crossed and a warm mocha in her hands. We were at this old coffee shop on the outskirts of town that nobody we know really goes to. Perfect for private conversations. Or just coffee. Or both.

"I've been hanging around Dave, everything normal." I explain. "And then, everything just… _Changed_."

"Changed?" Rose asks, tilting her head. "How?"

"The way I think of him. I've noticed more things about him." I say, thumbing the coffee mug. "What have you noticed?"

"The way his hair sits, how his muscles stir when he's annoyed, how he relaxes when he sleeps, his hands, just-Everything." I say, scratching my head. Rose smiles.

"So…You think you're in love with him?" She leans forward, seeming more interested. "Well… _'In love'_ is kind of an exaggeration…" I ponder for a few seconds. "I just find him more… _Attractive_ … Than I normally do."

"So, you found him attractive before?"

"W-Well, no. I never really thought much about it. I knew he got girls, but that's about it." I sputtered, speaking quickly. Rose squinted at me, and then set her coffee down for a moment.

"John, why are you afraid of being gay?"

"I'm not afraid of being gay!" I say a little too loud, causing a few customers to look at me suspiciously. "You act like you are." Rose says, picking up her mug.

"Well... I mean, he tried asking me out before, and I said no. It'd be a dick move, and plus I don't want to risk out friendship. Hell, I don't even know if this means I'm gay or what!" I plant my face in my arms. Rose chuckles, taking another sip of her coffee.

"Sexual orientation is a difficult thing for someone to discover about themselves."

"How did you find out?" I raised my head from my arms.

Rose raised an eyebrow at me. "Well, I was constantly thinking I was straight as a young girl. I knew I was… _Fascinated_ … With girls, but I was told that liking boys was normal, so I did that." She swished her coffee around in the cup. "However, I met Kanaya, and love took hold. I eventually realized that I liked her."

"So… You found out because you met the person you love?"

"Precisely," She winked. "And I think that may be happening to you."

I swallowed. "What's Dave?... Sexual orientation-wise."

"Demisexual."

"What?" My eyebrows knitted together.

"He gets attracted to people who he has strong bonds with." Rose explained. "You happen to be in that category."

"O-Oh." My face began to get red. "Y-You know, you're lucky to have such an intimate relationship with Kanaya. With that level of trust and everything."

"You have relationships like that as well." Rose said, clicking her tongue. "Dave and Karkat."

"What? We aren't dating!" I nearly shout, but Rose shushes me. "Platonic, John."

"What, do you mean like that friend-romance troll thing?"

"Moirails? Yes."

"But both Dave _and_ Karkat are my friends!"

"That's okay. They can both be your moirails."

"What?" I nearly spat out my coffee. "But that's cheating!"

"Not if they both consent to it." Rose said, smiling. "It's called a polyamorous relationships. Er- that would be polyplatonic I think…" She pondered a bit, then shrugged.

"That exists?" I asked. "Of course it does, I wouldn't make it up." Rose's mug had black lipstick stains on it.

I chuckled a bit, shaking my head. "I don't think I'd like it very much." Rose laughed. "I bet it's because you're too selfish to share your partner."

I huffed at Rose, and took a sip of my coffee.

_Multiple people in a relationship, huh?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if a chapter seems kinda short or semi-cut off, it means that it's being cut off for a reason. It may seem annoying, and I apologize for that.


	8. Do You Wanna Be My Moirail?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave can apparently art and instead of studying science John studies sexuality.  
> Plus Rose is fanfiction trash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Please read the title in a 'Do you wanna build a snowman' theme.)  
> Sorry for a lack of updates! School has been hectic and depression is a bitch. I'll try to update a bit more frequently.

*John's POV*

*Two Days Later*

 

I've been spending my entire weekend studying sexuality and quadrants, and I can now understand why Karkat gets so fed up during his romcoms. Of course, my work has been hidden in incognito tabs and over-the-shoulder glances, but it was worth it. I feel mostly confident in my discoveries.

Well, not for sexuality.

It's hard for me to really figure out what I am without it being fogged or biased in any given way. I was raised thinking that being straight is normal and the only option, and I don't even know if I'm really gay, or bisexual, or if I'm actually straight! It gives me a headache to think about it!

Well, other than sexuality, I'm pretty sure I feel polyplatonic for Dave and Karkat. The only thing is that I don't want to seem like I'm "stealing" troll culture. _I mean, they have the 4 quadrant thingy! What if they get offended? Or what if I do it wrong?_

_I need to ask someone for advice with this. Someone who's experienced, and wouldn't judge me for it. Someone who's probably felt like this before…_ My eyes glance over one of my movie posters, and my face breaks into a smile.

 

* * *

 

*Dave's POV*

 

" _Jesus fuck_ Rose, can't you knock?" I pull my blanket over my boxers, sitting up and blindly grabbing for my shades. Rose had just burst into my room, holding a sketchbook and pencil. She chuckled, leaning against the door frame of my door.

"Someone's had an interesting dream…" She snickered. I rolled my eyes. "What do you want?"

She tossed the sketchbook and pencil at my feet, letting it bounce pathetically on the bed. "I need you to draw my OC's." She flipped her hair at me, and I clicked my tongue, bending over and reaching for the art supplies.

"The poly ones or the lesbian wizards?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her. She scoffed. "The poly ones.  The same ones I've been asking you to draw the past week."

"What're they doing?" I asked. "Any specific poses?"

"Just have them lying in a bed and holding hands." She responded, looking at the stacks of filled sketchbooks on my desk. "I was worried that this would be a not safe for work commission."

She chuckled at me. "I'm not sick enough to ask my brother to draw me porn." She picked a sketchbook from one of the stacks. "The internet has satisfied me enough, thank you very much."

I hummed, sketching the first person's body. In the corner of my eye, I could see Rose flipping through my sketchbook, frowning. "Why is it that you don't try when drawing in these?" She pointed at one of my shitty comics, and I frowned, looking up at her.

"Hey, that one was with my _right_ hand." I said, wiggling my opposite hand. "I tried pretty hard, and that was a great product considering the circumstances."

"You know what I mean." She closed the book and set it down on my desk. "Why not make more sketches of left-handed drawings?"

"The last thing I need is Egbert flipping his shit over me and asking to draw movie posters for him." I said, focusing on my sketching. "Yes, well it would make you some more… _Honest_ money, than your current occupation." I looked up at Rose, glaring at her, receiving snake-like lavender eyes and a black-lipped smirk in return.

"Correction; _Affiliated_." I said, raising my pencil in the air for a moment before returning it to paper. "You're still involved with them." She was sitting on my desk now, dangling her legs back and fourth. "Rumor has it that things are getting more dangerous in that business."

"So?" I ask, not moving my eyes from my paper.

" _So_ , aren't you planning on stopping this?" She tilted her head to the side, and I didn't even have to look at her to tell that she was probably giving me the ' _You're an idiot_ ' look. "I've been careful." I say.

"You're strong, but a gun will almost always win against a sword."

" _Almost_."

Rose groans, sliding off of my desk and walking towards my bed. "You need to get out of there." She says, placing a hand on my shoulder. "It's now or never, and you'll end up getting yourself killed."

"I've been in the middle for a year now, I think I can stay in limbo." I said, finishing the body of the boy. "They'll force you to chose sides. It's happened to others, and it'll happen to you." She says, sitting on my bed and crossing her pale legs. "Considering your strength and agility, they won't take no very easily when they become desperate."

"They're already _becoming_ desperate." I say, grabbing my inking pen. "They haven't forced me yet."

"Are you _waiting_ for them to?" Rose asks, furrowing her eyebrows. I sigh, popping the cap off of my pen. "No, all I'm saying is that I'll deal with it when the time comes."

Rose clicks her tongue. "This isn't some English paper that you can just procrastinate and bullshit and manage to get a C- with. This is whether or not you're going to be dragged into a _suicide mission_ or get out of it." Her black nail polish shines when her toes crinkle.

I stop lining, and look at her, giving her the most done face I can manage. "If I say I'll do it when I can, will you quit this topic?" Rose hesitates before nodding. I hum before finishing the inking on the boy. I take a look at what I had just made.

"You know, this kid sure does look like John." I say, moving to the other girl. "Minus the gayness."

"Actually, that may change." Rose giggles, twisting her hair like she knows a secret. My mind stops for a moment. " _What_?" I give her a confused look.

_John Egbert isn't straight? Call the cops._

"He came to me asking about sexuality and quadrants, asking how I figured out my sexuality and some side quadrant action." Rose explains, playing with my blankets. "Does he think he's gay?"

"Something like that." She said, chuckling to herself. "Just don't tell him."

"I won't." I say, continuing the drawing.

_Why do I feel excited? God damn it Dave didn't you get over him like a year ago? Fucking hell Egbert make up your mind man._

"You seem to be happier." Rose smirks wiggling her eyebrows. "Shut up." I mutter, flicking her leg. She laughs, and hops off my bed, walking to the door.

"Yell for me when you finish."

 

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

 

I'm lying on the couch, watching _Mean Girls_ when I hear my doorbell ring. Expecting it to be my Chinese Food, I hop up and swing the door open.

_"Karkat! I need your help-"_

_Nope. Nope. Nope._

_I am not dealing with Egbert right now._

The doorbell is being spammed, and my door is probably going to come down with those arms of John's, so I swing the door back open, scowling at him.

"What do you want?!" I shout. "I need advice!" John says quickly, looking scared.

I groan. "What kind of fucking advice do you need from me!?" I grumble, scratching the top of my head. "Quadrants. Troll romance. All of the shit you specialize in."

" _Oh_."

_What?_

_Why the fuck does Egbert need to know this shit?_

"I uh… Sure, just- Come in. Sit on the couch, I'll be right there." I say, stepping aside and letting John inside. I shut the door and walk into the kitchen, grabbing some soda form the fridge and walking back.

I sit down, and look at him. He's fidgeting, and seems uncomfortable. "Well, spit it out. What is it that you need to know?" I ask, turning to him. John takes a breath. "Well, I was wondering if it was normal for a human to have or want a pale relationship with someone? Would that be stealing a troll's culture, er…?"

"Oh my god, no. _No!"_ I slam my hand over John's mouth. _"Stop. Talking."_

I slowly remove my hand from John's mouth, and he nods his head. "John, anyone who has friends is stepping into pale territory." I explain. "Oh. But, what if you have multiple friends?" He asked, fidgeting some more.

"Polyplatonic?" I ask. He nods his head. "Yeah, it's like… Here, let me give you an example…" I look around thinking, until my eyes land on my TV.

I point at the paused screen of the _'Plastics'_. "Okay, you've seen _Mean Girls_ , right?" I ask. John nods his head.

"Well the _'Plastics'_ could be an example of that. Although, theirs is _really_ unhealthy…" I mutter. John tilts his head. "Why?"

"Well, they only do it for show. Since they all look pretty and look good together. There's no emotion, or any feelings to back up that friendship. In fact, they all pretty much hate each other."

"O-Oh." John says, seeming to calm down. "How do you know if you want to be a real moirail or just for show?" 

"I… Um…" _How can I answer this when I don't even know the answer to it?_ "Depends on the person." _Way to go, Karkat._

"Hey, why do you want to know this stuff anyways?" I look at him, and he tenses. "I uh, no reason! I was just wondering!"

"Bullshit. Tell me who you're pale for." I said, leaning towards him and smirking. "N-No!"

"John."

"Karkat."

"Tell me."

"Ugh, fine. Promise not to be mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"Because you get mad about everything."

"No I don't!"

" _Yes you-_ Ugh, whatever, okay. It's you and Dave. You're both my best friends. And I wanna make it solid, you know?"

It took me a moment to register what he said. "I mean, I've kinda considered you and Dave a somewhat moirail." I said, shrugging. "Really?"

"Yeah, I mean I'm close with you guys." I said. "Well, does this mean that half of it is accepted?"

"I guess so." I shrugged. John smiled, and started laughing.

"What's up with you?" I ask, smiling a bit. "I was worried you'd yell at me."

I start laughing along with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit's bout to get real pretty soon.


	9. I Messed Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat and John ask Dave for his hand in holy bro-tromony, and Dave gets a job, and tries to make it his last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry.

*Dave's POV*

 

I'm assaulted in the morning by my two best bros. I'm half asleep, tired, and can barely hear out of my left ear because of a loud ass party I went to the night before. But they ask me something that makes me wake the fuck up and consider everything in my life.

"Hey Dave, wanna be moirails with me and Karkat?"

I fell out of my chair. In the middle of class.

Karkat realized that this wasn't a conversation for homeroom, so he took John and I outside into the hallway, explaining about Egbert's confusion and reluctance of troll romance and my acceptance of it and strong bonds with the two of them.

"And you're actually in on this?" I asked, chuckling at Karkat. He scowled at me. "Ha ha. Yes, I am, Dave. Because while you may be a complete asshole and deserve a kick to the face than a feeling jam, you and I are sufficiently close enough to be considered moirails."

"Alright, alright. Geez, you sound like your brother now." John laughed, making Karkat growl at him. "Come on John, don’t make him take it back." I say, ruffling up his hair.

"So… Is that a _yes_ …?" John looks up into my shades, trying to see my eyes. I sigh and roll my eyes _(Even though they can't see it.)_ "Fine."

John jumps for joy and Karkat smiles at me. "So, does this mean that we have to buy a ring for our holy bro-triomony?" I ask. "Oh my gosh, we should!" John exclaims, looking like a ~~cute~~ little puppy. Karkat rolls his eyes and drags us back into class so we don't get tardies. _Heh. Well I'm awake now._

 

_~A Few Hours Later~_

 

In Biology a note was passed to me saying that I should meet someone in the stairwell for an assignment worth $500. At first, I though _'Oh wow, money. I'll do it.'_ But then I remembered what Rose and Karkat said. _Maybe I should just end this shit._

Sitting on the windowsill of the south stairway, going from the 2nd floor and leading up to the roof, the one stairway that's practically never touched, reeks of smoke, weed, and sex. I breathe out smoke like a dragon, and push the window open from behind me, watching the smoke pour out like a waterfall.

I hear footsteps and I toss my cigarette behind me, pop a mint in, and wait to see who comes in. I see a mess of black hair and tall horns, a face painted white and a set of scars across their face. Gamzee.

"Hey man, I was all up and motherfucking sent to give you an assignment." He pauses, and raises his eyebrows. "And an offer."

"An offer?" I ask, pushing myself off from the windowsill. "What kind?"

"Well, you ain't really _in_ our gang, bro." Gamzee explains, pacing a bit. "And we felt that it's kind of rude not to make 'ya feel welcome after all them things you've done for us."

"What're you getting at?" I say, trying to make him hurry his sad ass up. He gives me a look, before continuing. "How would you like to be a motherfucking member? Like- _Full time_."

"Nah."

Gamzee sputters. "What'dya mean, _'Nah'_?!?"

"I mean, I have other things I need to do. The last thing I need is to get in trouble-" Gamzee had charged at me and slammed me into the wall, holding me by my shirt collar. "You're gonna be in a lot of motherfucking trouble if you _don't_ join us." I feel one of his hands remove, and dig in his pocket. Something cool and sharp is felt on my side.

_He has a knife._

_He's going to kill me._

"I'm being _real_ motherfucking _nice_ to you, bro." His grip on my shirt tightens, and the knife is pushed against my skin harder. "And I ain't takin' no for an answer."

I growl, and shove him off of me. "Only one last time. I'll do whatever the fuck you want _without_ payment, and then you better leave me the fuck alone." I offer, holding my hands up. Gamzee stares at me for a few seconds, before finally speaking.

"Fine. But you owe me one." He tosses me a sheet of paper and starts walking down the stairs. "Kurloz is gonna be pissed at me for this."

When I hear the door close, I breathe out a shaky breath and my legs turn to jelly. I fall against the wall and lean on it for support. I feel something sticky on my side, and I look down and see a red puddle on my shirt.

_Blood._

The force of my push made him _(Un??)_ intentionally cut me. That was kind of my own fault. I lift my shirt and look down at the wound. It wasn't too bad. I could see some fat in there, but some bandages would make it better.

I hold my side, and trek down to the nurse's office. _Shit, what kind of excuse can I use for this?_

 

* * *

 

*John's POV*

 

I really didn't want to go home today. I have no homework, and my internet's out for the next week since my dad forgot the pay the bill. I spent the last hour of school begging Karkat to let me come over to his place. He eventually said yes, after I threatened to just break in myself.

Sadly, I could only stay for an hour. I tried texting Dave, but he just disappeared after lunch. He must have skipped class or something. Once we had stepped inside of his house, I heard a bang, and yelling and screaming.

" _Shit-_ " Karkat grabbed my hand and ran up the stairs, dragging me along with him. He unlocked a door and threw me in a room- Presumably his- and I fell onto a bed. "Stay here." He said. "Don't move, and don't touch anything." And with that, the door slammed shut, clicked, and then I heard loud footsteps running away.

_I'm locked in Karkat's room. What goodies can I find?_

I start examining his poor choice in movie posters, try unlocking his computer _(Damn passwords!)_ , and even look in his closet for anything interesting. Nothing. _Wow, Karkat sure is boring._

I lie down on his bed. _10 minutes have passed. Has he forgotten about me? What if I'm trapped here!? What if he moves away and forgets about me and I'm locked in this room for 10 years! Oh man, what if-_

My unnecessary worrying is interrupted by a crow smacking into a window. I yell out, flail, and fall off the bed rather ungracefully.

My back is on the floor, and I hold the back of my head. _That wasn't smart of me to fall like that._ I sig and just lay on the floor for a few moments, before noticing a small box next to me under Karkat's bed. My eyes light up, and I grab the box.

_Maybe it's his secret stash of candy! Or money! Maybe it's-_

About 15 different sharp-looking razor blades are in this box. Some with dark, dried redish-brownish blood on them. I freak out and drop the box. _Are these Karkat's!? Does he-_

"John, what _the fuck_ are you doing?!"

In my freaking out moment, I didn't hear the door click and swing open, with Karkat looking down at me in partial fear, anger, and anxiety. "Karkat! Are these yours!?" I ask, pointing at the box.

Karkat sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. "N-No… They're not mine… I just… Uh…" He stumbles over words as he seems to think of an excuse. "Kankri's." He finally says.

"Kankri used to do it a lot. I would search his room for blades and throw them away. I guess he hid them in the one place I wouldn't find them." He sighs, and he grabs the box and places it on his desk. "But it has your blood color!"

"John, Kankri is my fucking _brother_. His blood isn't fucking purple, moron." Karkat grumbled, looking at me like I was an idiot. "Sorry." I mutter, standing up.

"Come on. Instead of looking through other people's shit how about you come with me downstairs and play some video games." Karkat starts walking out the door, and I slowly follow. I know that he probably lied, but I don't know how to tell him that I know and that I'm not mad without making him mad!

_Ugh, why do things like this have to exist?_

 

* * *

 

*Dave's POV*

 

I did it. My last job, it's finally over. My side is patched up, and I'm ready to go home and take a nice long nap.

I was inside one of Kurloz' Gang's warehouses that they somehow managed to take over. Inside was a few offices for certain people, and I was waiting outside of the one for Gamzee. As I was waiting and smoking, I heard screaming coming from one of the offices. The door swings open, and a girl is being dragged out by Horrus and Cronus.

I drop the cigarette out of my mouth and jog over to get a closer look. I don't know the girl, but I've seen her in hallways. She's crying, and is being held down on a couch. Kurloz comes over, and starts unbuckling his belt and pants.

" _Wait-_ What the fuck are you doing!?" I shout, running up to Kurloz. He glares at me, and then looks over at Gamzee (Who had also run out of his office) and gave him a 'What the fuck' look. "Dave, ignore it. Get back over here." He called out to me.

"Fuck no! Your brother is _raping_ a girl!" I shout back. Gamzee growls at me. "Strider, you ain't affiliated no more. Get the fuck back here _now_."

Kurloz makes a noise sounding like a mixture of a growl and roar, seeming angry. "I made a deal with him." Gamzee has now run over to Kurloz, and tries calming him down. "One that I didn't approve of." I hear him speak, for the first time, and it's raspy and slurred. I know that part of his tongue was cut out somehow, but I never heard him speak before.

"Come on, he ain't gonna be no motherfucking trouble." Gamzee assured, chuckling to himself. Kurloz glared at him for a few moments, before continuing to attack the girl. She began kicking and screaming, and with that Kurloz responded by smacking her in the face- _Hard_.

"Stop!" I shout, but Gamzee holds me back. "If you keep interupting him, then we're gonna get you and your little friends." He hisses in my ear. I shake him off.

Kurloz has already entered the girl, and I blow up. I grab my katana from it's holster and swing it at him. Kurloz let out a sharp cry of pain, and falls back. The girl gets up and runs away. I had sliced a bit of his stomach. He was holding his stomach in pain, and looked at Gamzee and Equius. _Shit._

I slide my sword back in and start making it for the door.

"Run, motherfucker!" I hear Gamzee shout. "You're gonna regret it!"

I started running as fast as I could out of there.

 

 

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

 

_~A Few Hours Later~_

 

It brings tears in my eyes to think that I'm cutting myself with the same blades that my moirail discovered.

And that I lied to him about my addiction.

And that even though he knew I was lying, he didn't say anything.

And how I kicked him out just because I wanted to cut myself.

I look down at my blood, and cry some more.

_I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I-_

A loud crash that shakes my entire house causes me to jump, making my cut significantly deeper than the rest, and snapping me back to reality. My blood is now pouring out of my arm, but I'll clean it up later. What concerns me is that I'm supposed to be home alone, and I may be getting robbed.

Light headed and not thinking, I walk down the steps and go into my living room. I see that the front door is knocked down, and Gamzee and Equius are looking around. Gamzee spots me, and looks pissed. He sees my bloody arm, and his look softens.

"Wait here," He says to Equius, who nods and flexes at himself in my mirror. "Oh _fuck_ bro," He runs up to me and gives me a hug. "I'm so so motherfucking sorry."

"I all up 'an fucked up, bro." He trembled a bit. Was he crying? "Please don't do this to yourself…"

I start to cry too, and I wrap my arms around him. "It's okay… I-" A sharp pain and a loud boom rings through the house. Everything's in slow motion. I feel Gamzee's arms leave me, and I fall to the floor. 

"Please don’t do this to yourself if you ain't serious." Gamzee says, holding his gun above me. "If you're too much of a motherfucking pussy to kill yourself, let me do it for you.

_Gamzee just shot me._

_Gamzee doesn't care._

_I deserve this._

_I deserve to die._

_I'm a coward._

_Nobody will miss me._

I watch Gamzee and Equius walk out as I feel myself fading away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay maybe just a bit sorry.
> 
> Anyways, I said earlier that I wouldn't update, but I managed to find the time. NOW I may not update for a bit. 
> 
> Please feel free to leave any suggestions to help out with some of my writers block. Thanks!


	10. Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave runs to the hospital to see Karkat, and runs into an unlikely duo. John worries, and Karkat rages. Plus, Dave makes a decision that hopes he won't regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in a while. Writer's block is a bitch. Plus I'd like to thank thewinterprince for helping me with this!

*Dave's POV*

 

I fucked up. That's all there is to it. Kankri came home to see a puddle of cherry red blood seeping down their porch steps and ran in to see Karkat's body in a puddle of the blood that he hated so much. He called me first, which I was honored and sickened at the same time.

Bro was too drunk to drive me _(Nor would he even do it in the first place.)_ And John's Chumhandle was on 'Busy'. Jade was away somewhere and Rose was doing God knows what with Kanaya. So, he ended up running the 3 miles to the hospital that Karkat would be staying in.

_He was already shot in the shoulder, how much more does he need?_

When I got there, I wasn't allowed to see him since he was in surgery. They sat me down and told me to keep calm and wait. I was furious. I didn't want to fucking wait. I want to see Karkat and apologize for being a fucking moron and giving him this fucking scar that he'll remember for the rest of his life and-

I stop thinking when I see a red turtleneck and gray skin next to me. It was Kankri, and he was on his phone, tapping at it furiously and looking more annoyed than concerned _(Either at his phone or the current situation.)_

"Hey." I said, poking him. He turned to me with a disgusted face. " _Excuse me?_ Who gave you permission to touch me?" Oh boy, here we go.

"Sorry man, I just wanted to see who you were." I said, shrugged. "And why do _you_ need to know that?" _Damn, this boy has some sass for someone who gets the shit beaten out of them everyday._

_But then again, who am I to judge?_

"You're Karkat's brother, right?" I asked. He squints at me, and he raises his eyebrows at me. "Yes. I am. And you must be his pathetic excuse for a moirail." _Oh hell no._

"What?" I said, deepening my voice. Kankri chuckled. "Cronus told me about what happened at the warehouse, and what landed Karkat in this place." He said, looking back down at his phone and typing away. "You just couldn't be a good little boy and my little brother had to pay the price."

"I thought that they'd go after me, not him!" I said, smacking his phone down. He just stared at it for a moment, before I felt a shadow appear above me. _"Watch it, Strider."_

I look up and see none other than Cronus Ampora. _Why the fuck is he here?_ "What're you doing here?" I asked. He chuckled and sat down next to me. "Kankri couldn't carry Karkat by himself to the hospital, so he called me." He said. "Plus, someone needed to tell him the whole story."

"I didn't mean t-" "I know you didn't. And what Gamzee and Kurloz did was fucked up, to say at the least." If Cronus calls something fucked up, then it sure must be fucked up. "But even I know not to fuck with them. You, my friend, have made a _very. Big. Mistake._ " He patted my back to enthuse each word.

"How do I fix this then?" Is all I could say. Cronus shrugged. "Kurloz ain't very forgiving, I'll tell you that much." He took a deep breath in, and let it out. "But he's low on members, and he needs people for his next plan. Maybe if you promise to join and shit he'll let you in."

"Why does he need guys?" I asked, scratching the back of my head. "He needs a lot of people to distract, and do a certain job. That's all I'm saying." Cronus looked over at Kankri, who had picked up his phone and began typing on it. "You okay, babe?"

Kankri nodded, and continued whatever he was doing on his phone. I stared at Cronus, and he sighed. "I know from what you've seen, I seem like a dick to Kankri, which you're right. I am." He said, running a hand through his hair. "But I do care about him. I just have a hard time showing it. And, well, I act like such a dick cause I don't wanna lose him… As weird as that sounds…"

I shook my head and placed a hand on his shoulder. "No worries big guy, I get it." He chuckled at my remark. "' _Big Guy_ '? You're as tall as me!" He laughed. "Yeah, but you're buffer."

He made flexes and poses at me, and Kankri and I laughed. "Karkat Vantas?" We heard the nurse say. I looked over at Kankri, who was looking at Cronus. "Let the lover boy go first." He said, pushing me out of my seat and shoving me towards the lady, taking my seat next to Kankri.

I followed the lady down the hall, and turned to Karkat's room. He had a breathing mask on, and a doctor was just closing his robe, which I saw a bloody bandage wrapped all around his stomach. "He's lucky to be a troll." The man said, walking out of the room. "His thick skin saved him from too much blood loss."

"He should be awake any minute now." The nurse smiled at me, and closed the door. I was now alone with Karkat.

I pulled a chair from the side and placed it next to his bed. Great, time for the waiting game again. I ran a hair through my hair and let out a shuddery sigh. _Shit, don't you dare cry now you piece of shit._

But I couldn't help it, and a few tears splattered on my shades. _This was my fault. I got my best frien- er, moirail nearly killed, and he was already mad at me from before. Fucking hell, why does this always happen to us?_

I heard sniffles, but they weren't mine. My head shot up, and I saw Karkat, sitting up and crying. "Karkat?" I asked, voice cracking. Fuck.

"Dave, what are you-" " _Fuck_ I'm so _so_ sorry Karkat. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen." I hugged him close, burying my face in his shoulder and pushing my shades up to my forehead. "How do you know?" He asked, hugging me back and doing the same to me.  
  
"It was my fault. I made Kurloz mad." I said, crying even more. "You got hurt because of me, I'm a shit moirail."

"No no no." Karkat said, holding me tighter. "I deserved it. I set Gamzee off. I-" "No, Karkat please this is my fault."

"I was a shitty moirail to him, and now I made you cry, and-" "Dude I'm the shit moirail here I got you shot it was indirectly me that shot you."

" _Dave_."

" _Karkat_."

We had both pulled away to look at each other. I was looking at Karkat's face, and _(I could tell he tried not to.)_ he was looking into my eyes. "You aren't shit, and John and I care about you." I said, smiling. Karkat smiled back, but his eyes looked sad. He sighed.

"My dad can't pay for my surgery." He said, tears slipping out. I held him close again. "Why not?" I asked. "He's $80,000 in debt. This surgery was another $5,000, and insurance won't cover it." He explained.

I held him close, thinking of a way to help. I suddenly got an idea. I released myself from the hug. "I'll be back." I said, walking out. "Dave-"

I walked out into the hall, tugging my shades back down. "Go see him." I said to Kankri and Cronus.

 

* * *

 

*John's POV*

 

I was beginning to worry about Dave. He hadn't returned any of my calls or texts. Neither did Karkat. It's been about 4 hours since I last talked to Karkat, and Dave left even longer than that. I was just starting to get worried when Karkat texted me.

_Sorry. I was in the hospital. Call me when you can._

I immediately called him.

"Karkat?"

"Hey John."

"Dude, are you okay?"

"I got shot in the stomach. Do I seem okay?"

"Jesus fuck, Karkat! What happened!?"

"Gamzee. I don't wanna talk about it, Egbert. Look, where the fuck is Dave?"

"Dave? Why?"

"He stormed out of my hospital room 10 minutes ago and he isn't answering his phone."

"Why?"

"I don't know! I told him that I needed money for surgery!"

"Oh shit."

"What?"

"He might be joining his old gang for the money!"

"Why would he do that!"

"He tried to quit before, but maybe he changed his mind?"

Silence.

" _Karkat?_ "

There was a crack, and then the call ended.

 

* * *

*Karkat's POV*

 

I was so fucking pissed at Dave. But more mad at myself.

My phone lied on the floor in a pile of shattered glass, above the dent in my wall from throwing it. _It was my fault that he was going back. Fuck, he was probably going to get himself killed for all I know._

I stumbled over to my dresser and pulled out some razor blades. _Funny, I'm healing my bullet wound but cutting myself all over again._ I began making slices in my leg, crying. I heard Kankri yelling in the other room, and I felt even more like shit.

_Why does everyone in our family always get hurt?_ The gashes began to get deeper until I heard my door creak open, and Cronus's wide eyes brought me back to reality.

 

* * *

*Dave's POV*

_I hope I don't regret this._ Kurloz welcomed me back with open arms, saying all is forgiven and how he loves a man that knows his morals. As I was walking home, I felt shittier and shittier about what I've done. "Dave!"

I look up and see John. "Dave, where have you been!" He shouted, hugging me. "You haven't been answering your phone, and I was worried."

I hesitated. _Should I tell him? He was always so oblivious anyways. Nah. It's better like this. He doesn't need to worry his little head._ I chuckled. "Yeah, I'm fine." I said, giving him a nuggie. _I wish I was that oblivious._

_Maybe I would have avoided the gangs?_ I mentally shake my head. _If I did, then Bro would've killed me and I would have never gotten to be moirails with John and Karkat. That would suck._

"I gotta head home though, I'll talk later." I say, walking past him. "Alright, bye!" He calls out, jogging home. _Man, he is just too cute._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to have some seriously triggering shit in there, and I'll tag and warn accordingly.


	11. Dinner Time in the Skaian Suburbs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get a peek into Dave, John, and Karkat's homelives, and how not everything is perfect in the suburbs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings will be tagged in the beginnings of each POV. Please don't just read the tags instead of the actual POV, since you'll miss important information.

*Dave's POV*

_  (Tw: Abuse, Alcoholism, Death, Mental Abuse, Implied Rape) _

 

My keys jungle as I twist the doorknob of our house open, and step in. _"Dave?"_ I hear Bro slur. _Shit._

I didn't get a warning from Rose or Aunt Roxy, but considering the fact that Bro is drunk, he must be home alone. _Not good not good._ I quickly reach for the doorknob again, twisting it and stepping out-

Until Bro grabs me by the back of the head and slams me into the wall. My grip on the doorknob is gone and my keys fall to the floor. He's fisting my hair, and reeks of alcohol. "Why arre you running?" He chuckles. "Cause you're dru-" I don't get to finish my sentence due to a punch in the gut, and the wind leaving my lungs in a rush.

"I…" He thinks before speaking. "I'm only doin' this to make ya' stronger," His grip on my hair tightens. "Maybe I'd be nicer if I didn't hav' to deal with ya' as a kid. Rasin' ya' and feedin' ya'."

"It's not my fault that Ma and Pa died." I mutter. "No… No… But it's you're fault for livin'." He yanks my head up, making me stand straight, and hoists me over his shoulder, then throws me into the end table.

The shitty wood breaks around my body, and I feel tons of splinters in my arms and back. _Fuck that's going to be a bitch to get out._ A picture frame topples over, falling flat on my chest. Bro looks at it- And just from the look he gives it, I don't need to even look at it to know who it is. _Jake._

He starts crying, then lunges on top of me, socking me in the face, knocking my glasses off, and then another three to the gut. _"I want him. I want him. I want him."_ He keeps repeating mindlessly as he punches me, using me as a punching bag. I just lie there and take it, knowing if I fight back it'll only get worse. _Maybe it won't be as bad tonight?_

"Be a good doll, and stay still." He whispers in my ear. _Oh no._ I try to hold them back, knowing it only urges him on, but I can't control it when a few tears slip from my face when he unbuckles his belt and yanks down my pants and boxers. I begin to squirm away from him, but a hard smack to my face stuns me. "Keep movin' and I won't prep ya'."

I feel his hand stroking my hair and shushing me as my body shakes with my silent sobs, and I hear the cap of something pop and begin to tremble. "Shh… It'll be over soon…"

 _I don't want this. I never wanted this. I never knew that Bro would go insane because of me. I didn't know that he was just sad and wanted someone to love. I didn't know that he would be drunk tonight. I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to survive._ I didn't know a lot of things, and I still don't know some things. Like why although he does this relatively often, it still burns when he puts it in, or why he always cries when he finishes. I still don't know why he never calls Jake back, even though he agreed to still be friends.

I don't know why he even does this with me out of all people. I don't know if he's disgusted by it, or if he puts Jake's face over mine. I don't know why he begs me to make noises for him, or why he asks me if I enjoy it when I clearly don't. I don't know why he apologizes every morning when it always ends up becoming the same cycle after another week. I don't know if he thinks I buy it or if he knows I know he isn't really sorry.

_But if there's one thing I know, it's that I have a burning hate for my brother, and I'll never forgive him for what he's been doing to me for years._

 

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

_  (TW: Self harm, Suicide mention, Brain Damage mention) _

 

I'm sitting at the dinner table with Kankri and our Dad. He decided to come home earlier to spend some time with us, which was sort of normal. He did this once every other week or so, but we mostly saw him on weekends so we weren't really feeling deprived of him anyways, but whatever floats his boat.

Dad and Kankri were both praying- Er, saying _"Grace"_ , whatever the fuck that means- before eating. I waited for them to finish before eating, since I liked respecting their little thing going on. "So, Karkat." Dad starts, cutting into his pork. "How'd you end up getting that $5,000 bill send in the mail from the hospital?"

I gulp. _Shit. What was I thinking? There was no way of hiding it._ I take a deep breath. "I ticked off an old friend of mine, and he broke in and shot me." I pick at my food, losing my appetite bit by bit. Dad clicks his tongue. "You should have better choices in friends."

I scoff. " _I_ should have better choices? Kankri's the one with bruises every day from his abusive boyfriend!" I shout, earning a _'Shut the fuck up'_ look from Kankri. Dad doesn't even flinch or look up from his food. " _Kankri_ is 18. He can handle himself."

 _"Bullshit!"_ I shout, finally causing my dad to look up. "He never asks for help or tells him to stop, _ever!"_ Kankri finally speaks. "Karkat, mind your own damn business!" Dad puts his knife down. "Language!"

Kankri apologizes, but I continue. "Well it's true, and you know it! He's always terrible at making social decisions. He dated Latula, who cheated on him with Mituna and got him brain damage in a car accident after she admitted to cheating, for _the third time!"_

That was it for Kankri. Tears streaming down his face, he gets up and runs out of the room. "I hate you so much!" He shouts as his thundering feet are heard running up the stairs. Dad slams his fork down. "I came home early for one night to spend time with my family, and it has to be _ruined_ by you, Karkat!" He shouts, voice booming. "Go to your room!"

"Fine, asshole!" I shout, standing up and running upstairs, giving him the finger and slamming my bedroom door shut. I lean back on it and sink down to my knees, crying. Why the fuck does he always blame me for everything? Kankri's just as fucked up as me. He's not an angel just because he believes in them…

I look behind my bookcase and see my razor blades. _They wouldn't even care if they found out._ I begin taking out one of the sharper blades. _They'd rejoice in me hating myself, thinking that I've realized my utter uselessness. But they're wrong._

_There's nobody who hates me more than myself._

_And by the time they'd realize they'd be too late. They'd realize when they find me handing from a noose, or my splattered body on the ground, or my passed out body next to an empty bottle of pills, or my body in a pool of my disgusting blood. They'd only realize when I've already chose the unknown over the hell I'm in right now._

_You know, if someone's life is such hell, to the point where they're willing to risk jumping into the unknown, thinking that it can't be any worse than this, they've gotta be in some deep shit. What if's just not existing? Like sleeping? Where everything tranquil. Yeah... That sounds nice..._

My cuts slowly begin to get deeper and deeper without me noticing, and it's only when I begin to feel lightheaded when I notice the blood pouring out of my wrist. _Shit, not yet, not yet!_ I quickly pull out my first aid kit from under my bed and begin wrapping my arm in gauze. _I want to die, but I don't want to hurt those who care about me, like John and Dave and Kanaya. I'll just wait until we graduate or move away. Just wait until everyone forgets about me, then I'll disappear._

 

* * *

 

*John's POV*

  _(TW: Death)_

 

I sit patiently at the dinner table, waiting for dad. 30 minutes have passed, and just as I'm wondering where he is, I hear my phone ring.

"Hello?"

"John! Son, I'm going to be a bit late from work tonight."

"But dad! You promised that we'd have dinner together tonight!"

"John, it's hard enough working extra hours, let alone having a needy kid waiting at home. You're old enough to handle yourself to be by yourself for another night."

I sigh. "Alright. Sorry."

"Good. Anyways, there's leftover meatloaf in the fridge, I gotta go!"

"But dad-"

He hangs up, and I remove my phone from my ear. I stand up and go to the fridge, opening it and examining the rotting meatloaf. _That is definitely not edible._ I sigh, and close the fridge. _I guess I'm not eating tonight again._ It's fine though, I had some Doritos at lunch. That's pretty much how I've been getting by lately this week. Eating school lunch of mooching off of friends, which ends up making me feel like shit afterwards.

I begin walking up the stairs and into my room, closing the door behind me. _It's the 5th time this week. He's probably not even at work, and is at a friend's place or strip club trying to forget about mom again._ I curl into bed and under my covers, and softly sob into my pillows.

 _Damn it, I feel like I'm 5. I miss mom. I miss when we were actually happy. I miss when dad used to stay home more other than telling me to clean the house or making me a meal to last me the week._ I let out a shuddered breath and bite the inside of my cheek. _No. Stop crying. It's been years. You need to get over it. You're old enough now._

I stop and think for a moment. _Then why hasn't dad gotten over it yet?_

_Maybe he has. Maybe it's like he says, cause I remind him of her. I have her eyes and her nose, as he says. Maybe he just hates me in general. Maybe he wishes I died instead. No, I don't think he's that mean. I just don't get why he asks me to forget when almost every night he can never get her off his mind. Is it a husband-wife thing? Who knows. I just wish he'd remember he had a son from time to time._

I close my eyes and let myself drift off to sleep, wondering why the world is so complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry again. This is kinda necessary for plot reasons.


	12. Tranquil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month passes, and Karkat and Dave are having a sleepover at John's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking a while with this update! I've been busy getting ready for Anime Midwest this weekend, and I've been a bit sick, so I wasn't able to update. 
> 
> Also, because this weekend is Anime Midwest, I may not update for a few more days (again). I'm terribly sorry!

*John's POV*

 

It's been about a month since Karkat was released. Things have calmed down a lot since then! Karkat is healed for the most part, and can kind of run now! Dave hasn't been coming to school with bruises, so that's another plus.

I know that Dave's Bro beats him up a lot, but he never lets me try to call social services. He says some bullshit along the lines of how he's his only direct family left, whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. Still doesn't change the fact that his brother is an asshole.

I'm happy with Dave and Karkat. They argue sometimes, but it's over little things. I still don't feel satisfied, though. With Dave at least. I really like being his moirail! I do! It's just, it feels like something is missing. I want something more but I don't know what. I've been thinking about it for a few nights, especially after I had a specific dream that left me with a raging boner in the morning.

I don't know if I really want it though, or if it's just my dumb hormones being dumb. Either way, I'm afraid of moving, cause if I try to ask for more I might lose everything I already have. I don't want to risk that. 

_"Fucking hell, Strider!"_ I hear shuffling coming from the kitchen, and the sound of some sort of struggle. I groan and stand up from my comfy seat on the couch, and walk into a wrestling match over an Oreo. _One Oreo._

"Give it!" Karkat is shoving at Dave's face, and another arm is holding his elbow. "Nope." Dave's other hand is on Karkat's shoulder, and the other on his elbow.

"Guys…" I start, but my words are interrupted by Dave being knocked into the radio that sat on the counter. Classical music began to play, and Dave laughed. "Egbert, what in the fuck do you listen to?"

"It's not me, it's my dad!" I respond, crossing my arms over my chest. He liked listening to classical music when he was home.

Dave suddenly smirks, getting an idea of some sort, and slips his hands to Karkat's waist. He jumps. "What the fuck are you-""Just follow my lead, man." He interrupts, beginning to dance to the music with Karkat. Karkat gives in, grumbling something under his breath as he reluctantly puts his hands on his shoulders.

They're sliding around on the tile, since they're wearing socks, stumbling here and there. "Egbert get in here." Dave says, making room for me. I smile, wondering how the hell we'll manage to make it work. We do, somehow, and it's a strange, stumbley triangle of dance.

Eventually, all of the stumbling causes us all to topple over, leaving us lying on the floor. "Well that was fun." I say, chuckling. "That was stupid, like half of the other dumb shenanigans you guys do." Karkat grumbles. Dave pets his hair, laughing. "Yeah well I'd only think it's stupid if my shades broke."

"Those shades are like a symbol of your pride, aren't they?" Karkat rolls his eyes, and stands up. "That, and what I use to hide my eyes and actually have the ability to see." Dave grabs Karkat's arm and uses it to pull himself up.

"What, are they like shades and glasses fused?" I asked. Dave laughs and shakes his head. "Nah, I have ocular albinism."

"What the hell is that?" Karkat asks, walking over to the couch and sitting down. "It's a genetic thing. It's what makes my eyes red and sensitive to light." He explains, rubbing his eyes underneath his shades. "Oh." Karkat says. "Wouldn't that mean your Bro has it too?"

Dave nods his head. "I've only seen his eyes a couple of times. They're orange."

"Orange?" I ask. Dave shrugs. "I guess he got the shit-colored genes." He laughs.

 

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

 

I'm sitting on the couch, watching Dave and John act like complete fucking morons. Not only am I doing this, but I'm also attempting to recover from Dave's little stunt _(And trying to "Act cool" as he would put it.)_

I know that Dave is just messing around and trying to be a good moirail, but I can't help but feel tingly about the current events. Watching Dave run around the house with John on his back wasn't helping these feelings either.

He was trying to prove that John wasn't fat, since he caught him complaining about his weight. Which he wasn't, at least in my eyes. I feel a pang of jealousy, but I've already had a taste of Strider's shitty moirail stunts. I hear a thud, and I see Dave swing John around, hold him bridal style, and fall to his knees.

He starts fake crying over how his best bro is dying, and John slaps a palm over his mouth, telling him to shut up. I see him laugh at John, and it makes me kind of sad.  
I've always felt a little out of the loop in this whole 3-way-moirail thing. I know that Dave is hiding something from me, but I don't know what. He came to school a month ago with really bad bruises, but when I asked what happened he shrugged it off.

Plus, a few weeks after that, he came over to my house and left a box full of stacks of money. I flipped my shit, asking him where the fuck he got the money from. _("Did you rob a fucking bank?!" "No, you idiot just take it-")_ He said that it didn't matter, and that it was the $5,000 to cover the medical bills. He left right after that, ignoring my shouting and even throwing the box at him.

I ended up using it to pay the bills, to ease the tension on the family. My dad was suspicious but brushed it off as "God's work" or whatever other bullshit he wanted to believe. It was kind of funny, making me wonder what Dave would do as a God. _Probably fuck shit up, for sure. Make his music good. Sell it or some shit like that. Spawn attractive people in his bed._

John seems to know about his strange behavior, but he won't tell due to respect for his friend. I understood why he didn't want to tell, but does he respect Dave more than me? I don't really mind being out of the loop though, since I at least have some form of a filled quadrant. I needed this, after Gamzee and Terezi. I needed to have someone to talk to, who wasn't a motherly figure like Kanaya. I needed a bro.

_Well, I have two now._

But in all honesty, did I even need two? One is mostly common, but there have been instances of two. I just don't want them to be doing this for appearances. I really like them both, the last thing I need is for this to all just be one big joke to them, and leave me behind like everyone else. 

I take troll romance really seriously. I study it because it's so complex and difficult to understand at times. And I've mastered the books, just not the actual thing. It's easier to imagine it in fantasies or in books than to go up to someone you're red for and just kiss them. You can feel your heart beating in your chest every time you look at them, let alone kissing them.

I have lots of friends, and now I have two moirails. _What I need is a matesprite. Someone to kiss and cuddle and do dumb things with. Although, most matespriteships happen after someone has a moiraillegance with them..._

I stop thinking and shake my head. _I'm not thinking about kissing or doing anything like that with John or Dave, out of all people._ I look over and see Dave and John both lying on the floor, talking about some shit movie and how Dave should get the haircut of one guy. I roll my eyes. _These two are morons, but they're my moirails. And I'm happy with that._

* * *

 

*Dave's POV*

 

_Man, I fucking love messing with Karkat and John._

Especially Karkat, since he flips his shit over any little thing, whether it's movie criticism or leaving the popcorn in the microwave 30 seconds too long. It's always a show whenever he starts yelling… Depending on the circumstances of course. But, today was weird.

For one, he was a lot more quiet than normal. Granite, I get it, shit could have happened and all that, but what really got to me was that he was going with the flow more than usual. Like with my ballroom dancing stunt, he just went along with it only after one complaint. I even brought a first aid kit to this sleepover in case of a black eye from him!

Although, maybe it's just me. Actually, it probably is me.

I can tell that he's a little bit pissed at me for not telling him about the bruises or even about where the fuck I managed to get $5,000. Seeing as I'm normally broke all the time, I could see how that could have raised some red flags. And well, it's not that I don't trust him- I do!

It's just that the last thing I need is to have him worry his ass off about my safety when he still hasn't fully recovered mentally or physically from that bullet wound. Plus, I've never really seen him this tranquil in my life! I don't want to ruin that. His grades are even reflecting on his mood.

The only reason I told John _\- and only about the physical abuse-_ is because he doesn't really have that much to deal with right now. His grades are pretty good for the most part, and I know he cares, but it's not like he's going to spend sleepless nights over my dumbass self.

As for me, my grades are letting me pass. I'm in a pretty good mood since John and Karkat are, and that kind of radiates onto me. Bro's still an asshole, and Rose has been staying over at Kanaya's a lot lately. I don't remember the last time I saw her in her room. Although, it's always locked, so I would never know.

Aunt Roxy hasn't been home much either, and when she is, she's drunk off her ass. I guess this is what happens after you live with them for a while. They get comfortable again and it's back to normal. Leaving the only ones in the house most of the time to be Bro and I.

Bro's not that bad when he's sober. He's still fucked up, throwing smuppets at me and making disturbing comics. Sometimes I walk in on him having "Alone Time" in the fucking living room. Other times I pass by his room and hear quiet sobs and feel kind of bad.

We have interesting conversations with Rose, though. Which is one of the few ways I can talk to him without being beaten. Through other people. He's fairly friendly with Rose, and I even learned a few things about him, like how he knows a ridiculous amount of things about movies, and how he had a Harry Potter phase.

Things with Alternian Devils has been pretty smooth. I'm making some money and not hurting too many people. I seem to be on Kurloz' good side for now. Gamzee hasn't been seen very much, but I'm not concerned. Probably getting high off of his brother's drugs again.

Kurloz is going to be revealing his new plan, of course. With a few other things on the side. He's graduating this year, so I'm not sure what he plans on doing afterwards. I don't even know what college he's going to- If he goes at all.

There's so much shit going on, but at the same time everything seems chill. It's kind of surreal to be honest. This month has passed by so fast. I'm actually happy with what I have right now, and I don't feel as bitter as I normally do.

I don't feel like anything can really go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cries because gay nerds*


	13. Not As Sweet As You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Please read the Chapter Notes!) Dave's dreams come true, and all seems well. But someone's shedding tears behind an invisible wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to credit the ask blog askskaiahigh and the tumblr users ectobiologist and gooberjam for their post on that ask blog, which I'll leave a link to in the end notes! (No pls look at it it's fucking adorable.)

*Dave's POV*

 

"Hey, I gotta go." Karkat says, slipping his phone into his pocket. "My dad called, and he needs me for something."

"Alright!" John shouts from the kitchen, making popcorn for the movie we were going to watch. "Bye Karkitty." I tease, feeling a scowl and angry troll eyes at the back of my head.

John walks back into the room, sitting next to me and placing the bowl down on the coffee table. He doesn't touch the TV remote. "Hey Dave?" He asks, looking up at me with worried eyes. Shit. "What is it?" I turn my body towards him as I speak.

"I hope you don't mind my asking…" He starts. "Cause it's kind of personal, and you aren't really the personal type. And I mean, it'd really help if you could answer but-" "Spit it out, Egbert." I say, covering his mouth and waiting for him to finish his blubber before removing it.

"How did you know you were pan?" He blurts, then makes an awkward face. "Didn't you ask me this before?" I say, scratching the back of my head. _Didn't he?_

"You didn't really answer my question." He chuckles at the end of his sentence. "Well, I had a crush on a guy friend for a few years, and I was in denial until one night Bro came home sober and happy enough to explain to me what it was."

I grab my Coke from the coffee table and take a swig. "It's one of my few good memories of him."

"How could you tell you liked them, and it wasn't just like a temporary feeling?" He doesn't look at me, but looks at his twiddling thumbs. "I waited it out until it lasted long enough for me to know it wasn't temporary." I chuckle, since it seems kind of obvious to me. He still looks nervous.

"Who was it that you liked?" I remain silent.

He sighs. _"Okay…_ Do you still like whoever it is?" I nod my head.

"What is it that you like about them?" He asks, seeming less nervous. I laugh. _Oh boy._

"Man, there's not just _one thing_ , man." I explain, setting down my coke and twisting my entire body to fully face him, sitting criss-cross on the couch.

"His eyes are fucking beautiful, okay. I've never seen eyes that much of one color. He's so naïve, which is a good thing for him. He's really optimistic, and he makes me have faith in humanity again. He seems so innocent sometimes." I started to ramble, but when I finished John was looking at me in partial shock.

"Is it me?" Silence again, although I feel a blush creeping up my face. _Damn it._

John scoots closer to me, getting on his knees on the couch in front of me. He grabs my shades and slides them up and onto my head. He places his hands on either side of my face.

"Is it?" I close my eyes and nod my head. I hear him take in a breath before I feel his lips smash into mine.

He pulls away after a few moments, realizing what he did. Before he could pull away, I tug him back and kiss him just as hard. After a few minutes of that, my lips slide down to his neck, and he continuously calls my name. Over, and over…

_"Dave… Dave… Dave!"_

 

** ==> Wake up. **

 

My eyes open, and then close again due to the brightness of the room. "Dave, get up!" I hear John calling me, and shaking my entire body. " _Fuck,_ I'm up, I'm up!" I say, sitting up and shielding my eyes. "Turn off the fucking sun and then we'll talk."

John groans, and stands on the bed, tugging the blinds down. The room becomes dark enough for me to see, so I open my eyes and notice that Karkat is absent. "Where's Crabbycakes?" I ask. John points at his shower. "Then I guess I'll have to wait."

I stand up and out of bed, running a hand through my hair. That was a fucking crazy ass dream. I still can't believe my brain was even able to manage to create something so fucked up. I would never feel that way about John. Not even if any of it was true.

Cause fuck me, I'm now realizing that all of that was indeed true.

Not only the facts, but the feelings as well.

_Well this is just fan-fucking-tastic, now isn't it? You have a reestablished crush on your best bro who just so happens to be a triangle-platonic-soulmate thing and doesn't have the hots for you at all. Would he even know?_

I tried asking him out once when I first moved here. I asked him out after the second week, but he just called it off as a really good prank _(Okay I'll admit it was April at the time.)_ At first, I thought he just said that as a way to politely turn me down. However the way he acts towards me hasn't faultered, so maybe he really believes that.

_Lord help this poor boy._

 

* * *

 

*John's POV*

 

I woke up Dave, since it was already 10:00 am and Karkat was in the shower already, and if I didn't do it, he would. I basically just saved Dave's ass, whether or not he wants to admit it. He's always bitchy in the morning, but normally that's just due to the fact that my window happens to face east.

He's been acting strange this morning, and I can tell from his body language, and his eyes. Dave seems like an asshole with no feelings- which is mostly true- But without his shades, he's a completely different person. You can actually see more in him. It's like they say, 'The eyes are the window to the soul' or some shit like that.

"Hey Dave, is everything okay?" I hop off the bed, standing by the door to the shower. He turns to me, sliding his phone into his pocket. "Yeah, why?"

"You're lying. I can see it in your eyes." I say, frowning. Dave groans. "I knew I should have slept with my shades on."

"Seriously Dave, what's wrong? You know you can talk to me about this shit." I say, walking closer to him to grip his shoulders. He looks down at him, then rolls his eyes. "Fine. I had a weird ass dream about someone I thought I got over, but now I like them again."

"Who is it?" I ask, jumping up and down at the revelation. "Confidential."

I pout at him, but continue my questions. "What was it that made you realize that you liked them?" Dave shifts awkwardly. "Well, I explained parts of their personality that I was aware of, but never really that deep into it until then."

"Why'd it change your mind?" I tilted my head to the side. "Well, someone as fucked up as me needs something to keep them going in life. To prevent myself from… _Oh I don't know,_ jumping off a bridge or some shit like that." He began pacing a bit, which is what he does when he rambles.

"I just want someone to make me genuinely happy, feel fucking wanted, to care for and be cared for back equally." He starts speaking faster, as if he was rapping. "Nobody's ever cared for me that much, besides my family, but I don't believe any of their bullshit for a second. I just want someone who's loyal and who won't fucking leave me, and will listen and actually want to help me and… And…" He trains off, walking closer to me, then grabbing me by the shoulders.

"I-I want… I want…" He stumbles on his words, and for the first time, I've heard him be at a loss for words. "W-What is it?" I ask, which seemed to trigger what it was.

He looks me dead in the eyes. "I want _you."_ Before I can react, his lips are on mine and I can't move.

 _What do I do? I don't even know what I want! I don't even know if I really like Dave! What if it's temporary?!_ My thoughts and worries melt away as I kiss back, unsure what else to do.

 

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

 

I walk out of the shower to see Dave and John kissing. _No, not even kissing- a full blown makeout session. This is definitely not what moirails do._

I feel a pang of hurt in my heart, along with jealousy. It's not really cheating, since we're moirails, but I still feel insulted. _What if they end the moirailelligence with me?_

I clear my throat, causing them both to jump away from one another. They both get red. "Wow, you two are almost as red as Dave's eyes." I joke, trying to hide my hurt. John covers his face in his hands, and Dave glares at me. "We need to talk."

He tugs us all over to the kitchen, and we all sit at the table. "I'm still confused on whether I really like you, or it's just temporary." John says to Dave, fidgeting. "Well, do you want to be my boyfriend? I can give you a chance to actually like me."

 _"Whoa, whoa, whoa."_ I say, stopping them both. "What about our moirailelligence?"

Dave and John stop to think. Dave stands up and searches the kitchen, then grabs a pen and paper and begins scribbling on it, muttering _'I hope this isn't important'_ under his breath.

"Here," He turns the paper to John and I. "John and I will be red, Karkat and I will be pale, Karkat and John will be pale. Done." He said, looking satisfied with himself. John nods his head in agreement. I also nod my head, even though I disagree with a few things, but I'm outnumbered here.

"Well, it's settled." Dave says. "John and I are dating."

 

* * *

 

** **A Few Hours Later** **

 

*Dave's POV*

 

Karkat left about 10 minutes after that conversation. He said something about how Kankri needed his help, or some bullshit like that. I knew for a fact that Kankri would be getting his "Beauty Sleep" right now.

I want to show John that I'll be a good boyfriend, but I'm not sure how. I really care for the guy, I really do! I just have a hard time showing it. Then, I get the perfect idea. "John." I say, looking down at him. He hums and looks up at me.

We were watching some movie together, and he was lying down in between my legs, using my stomach as a pillow. "Wanna go on a date?"

"Aren't we already having one?" He asks, giggling. "No, I mean like going outside." I say, resting my chin on his head.

"Where would we go?" He asks. "Denny's. I'm hungry."

He agrees, so we walk over to Denny's for breakfast. Once we were seated next to each other, I spoke up. "Order whatever you want." I said, grabbing a menu and skimming through. "I want something sweet." He seems excited, like a little kid.

"Nothing on this menu is as sweet as you." I bring out my smoothness, which John blushes at. _"Dave…"_ He mutters, hiding his face. The waiter walks up to us, asking what we're ordering.

I order buttermilk pancakes, and John orders strawberry ones. _"Oh my god,_ that's adorable." I say, laughing into my hands. "What?" He says, not understanding what I meant.

"It's like what those cute anime girls order, you're so adorable." John huffs at my words. "Shut up!"

"Hey Dave?" John asks, turning and looking up at me. "What is it?"

"Do you really want to date me?" He says, fumbling with his glass of water. "I mean, I've never really dated anyone before. Besides that one time in 4th grade, but it wasn't anything serious. I'm probably going to suck at this whole ' _Dating_ ' thing."

I take John's hands in mine. "Dude, don't worry. I'll guide you through this, and I'll be patient with you. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to, or rush you." He smiles at me, then leans up and kisses me.

I kiss back, and after he pulls away he laughs and hops out of his seat, running over to an old Jukebox in the corner of the restaurant. He fishes out $3 from his pocket and chooses two songs, then comes back. As he sits down, I hear "How Do I Live Without You" play.

I laugh, pecking his lips. "Of course you'd choose that." He laughs, pecking me as well. "Ghostbusters is next."

"You cute nerd." I say. "You're a cute dork."

"No I'm not!" I cross my arms in defense. "Yeah you-"

John is interrupted by the food arriving, and I immediately dig in. John eats slowly, which concerns me. "You okay?" I ask. "I don't wanna seem piggish."

" _Dude,_ I look like you just pranked me with whipped cream." I point to my cream-stache. John laughs, and continues to eat at a more normal pace.

 

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

 

There's blood pouring down my wrist. I tried not to, I really did. I also tried not to cut too deep, but just look how that went. I just felt like complete shit, and a huge blow to my quadrantial self-esteem didn't really help. I was wrapping gauze around my wound when the door opened.

Kankri walked in, then saw my blood and gasped, falling against the doorframe. He regained himself, and thought before he spoke. _"Again?"_ He asked. I sighed and nodded my head.

"What was it this time?" He said, coming closer to look at my wound. "None of your damn business." I pushed past him, walking into my bedroom.

Kankri looked hurt, as if I had cut him instead. "Excuse me?" He said, placing his hands on his hips and following me. "You tell me everything!"

"Yeah, well maybe I don't want to talk about it." I snap, sitting on my bed. Kankri looks at me with concern. "Karkat, are you feeling... _Suicidal?"_

"Shut the fuck up! I just feel shitty right now, so would you leave me alone!?" I yell, causing him to flinch at my words. Kankri takes a breath, and slowly walks out of my room. "Fine… Fine…"

"But just know that _this-_ " He points to my wound. "Will not help you deal with or solve any of those problems of yours."

He closes my door, and I lie down into my bed and cry into the pillows. _I would stop if I could._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to post: http://askskaiahigh.tumblr.com/post/123096635784/dave-yo-man-its-getting-pretty-late-i-should  
> Link to Dave: http://ectobiologist.tumblr.com/  
> Link to John: http://gooberjam.tumblr.com/


	14. I Understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John sees something that he shouldn't have, and it changes everything between him and Dave. Meanwhile, Karkat meets an old friend and gets some advice. Kurloz begins putting the final pieces of his plan together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SCREEE I'm sorry this is probably my favorite chapter to write, and I can't wait to see the reactions of people reading it. Also, I'm just going to leave the name of this story the same since changing it will cause too much confusion.

*John's POV*

 

I know that Dave's hiding something from me.

We've been dating for about three weeks, and I can tell that there's something he's not telling me. I don't think it's that he's cheating on me! _Although, I wouldn't be surprised if he was. He could do a lot better than me._

_Er, that's not the point!_ I'm just concerned, since he's been more stressed out lately, and he always has this guilty vibe coming off of him, like he did something wrong. It makes me kind of worried.

Karkat hasn't really been talking with us that much lately, and hanging with his troll friends instead. I asked him if he was uncomfortable that I was dating his moirail, but he just smiled and said that he was happy that we were happy. Although, I'm not really sure if he actually meant what he said.

Today after school, I decided that I would follow Dave home. Okay, yeah, I know, that sounds really creepy. But he always seems kind of off whenever he goes home. _Maybe it's because of Bro._

I watched him slip inside of his house, and the door barely closed, leaving a small crack open. _Perfect!_ I waited a few minutes before carefully slipping inside and closing the door behind me, locking it.

_Maybe I could prank him while I'm here? Yeah, that sounds like a great idea!_ I looked around, and I quickly slid the hallway closet door open, sliding inside and looking around for something to prank him with.

I heard keys jingling outside of the front door, and I quickly slid the closet door closed, leaving it open just a crack so I could see. The door opened, and I saw a tall man with a white shirt and a gray baseball cap step in. He was wearing pointed shades, like Dave's old ones.

_Bro._

"Dave!" I heard him shout, making me jump. Man, he's loud! "Get yer' ass over here!" His Texan accent was more pronounced than Dave's, even though Dave tries to repress his.

I heard shuffling, and I saw Dave keep a distance from Bro. "Come closer, you little shit." He spat, making me cringe. Dave took another cautious step forward.

Bro made an annoyed face, and grabbed Dave by the side of the head and slammed him into a nearby wall. I had to cover my mouth to prevent myself from screaming.

"You were waiting for me to do it, so I did." He chuckled, grabbing Dave's shades and tossing them on the floor, letting them clatter unceremoniously. He pulled his leg back and began kicking Dave in the stomach, over and over again.

I looked away, feeling tears prickling at my eyes. Hearing Dave screaming out was making me terrified, I wanted to help, but I didn't know how. I looked back, shocked to see Bro ripping Dave's jeans off while he struggled. _Is he really…_

Bro began to unbuckle his own belt. _No no no no!_ I began frantically looking for something-anything, to attack. I saw a broom and grabbed it, sliding the door open. "Get off him!" I screamed, swinging for his head.

The broom was stopped by Bro's head. He looked at me, smirking. I caught a glimpse of his eyes underneath his shades. _Orange?_ Suddenly, the broomstick was out of my hands and smashed against my head. I fell back, hitting my head on the wall behind me and sliding down.

I felt something warm dripping down the front of my face. I looked down at my hands, which were being covered in my own blood. I looked up and Bro was suddenly trying to climb up me, one hand holding my hip down and the other groping my butt.

"Your friend is a fine piece ass." He smirked. Dave shoots up, grabbing the nearby lamp and tackles Bro.

They both fall to the floor, with Dave on top. He raises the lamp high- still plugged into the wall- and slams it down into Bro's head. The wire shocks Bro, and when Dave pulls it back, he's out cold.

Dave gets up, breathing heavily and shaking. "D-Dave…" I say, standing up and hugging him. I began crying. "I'm so… So sorry…" Dave shook his head.

"Call an ambulance."

 

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

_**NOTE: Sollux does have a lisp. I'm not writing it in since it's a pain in the ass to read.**_

 

I was at Sollux's place for the first time in 5 months. I was desperate for someone to talk to, who wasn't dating anyone and who would actually listen.

The last time I was at Sollux's place, was when we both beat the shit out of each other in a fight.

Sollux was pissed off, since Mituna was in a mental hospital after the accident that Latula had caused. He was taking it out on Terezi, and she was a sobbing mess. Terezi and I were dating at the time, and I flipped my shit, getting protective and telling Sollux to fuck off.

He said that if it were Kankri, I'd be doing the same thing.

I flipped my shit and punched him right in the nose, to which he used his psionics and slammed me into a wall, then repeatedly punched me. Those fucking claws of his got me pretty fucked up.

Terezi begged us to stop, and eventually ran from his house. Sollux ended up wiping the blood from his nose and telling me to get the fuck out. So I did.

"Man, KK. You still suck at Mario Kart." He said, laughing victoriously as he got first place. "Shut up, man." I mutter, laughing as well and getting in 3rd place.

He paused the game, and turned to me. "So, I heard you got into some heavy shit." He scratched the back of his head. "What happened?"

I sighed. "Look, before we get into some deep shit, I just wanted to apologize, for you know…" I looked over at the wall that I smashed into, which was fixed and repainted. "Beating the shit out of you."

Sollux laughed. "No, it was my fault. I went off on your girlfriend, and that was totally uncool of me."

I scoffed. "Yeah, well I was dumb enough to attack a Psionic." I chuckled. Sollux laughed, and then cleared his throat. "So, what's up?"

I took a deep breath, and told him everything. About Gamzee, about Dave and John, about how I got jealous, about my depression, about Cronus and Kankri, my asshole father.

Sollux nodded his head as he listened, his expression growing more and more concerned. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, man." He said, exhaling a deep breath and running a hand through his hair. "I left when you needed me the most."

I shrugged, brushing it off. "Let's just… Go one thing at a time… _Gamzee…_ He really did that to you?" He asked, looking me in the eyes. I nodded my head. Sollux leaned back, eyes going wide.

"Is Terezi okay?"

My world shattered, and I remembered what Gamzee said. I began trembling, and Sollux took my shoulders. _"Whoa whoa,_ KK, calm down now."

"He's going to hurt her." I sobbed. "She blocked my number, she won't talk to me… I don't even know if she's okay…"

"Dude, I'll talk to her." He said, rubbing my shoulders. "I haven't in a while, and I need to catch up with her too. Maybe even make up after my asshole behavior."

I sniffled, and nodded my head. I hugged him. "You're a good friend." I said, smiling. Sollux hummed, but then suddenly gasped. Suddenly my arms were being held above my head by some force, and my sleeves were pulled down.

"What the fuck is _this?"_ He pointed to my scars. I tried pulling away, but there was no use. He carefully traces his fingers over them. "Why the fuck didn't you come sooner? If-" He exhaled in frustration. "If _this_ was what you were doing to yourself!?"

My arms were let go, and they plopped back down on the couch. "I felt like shit, and I didn't feel like I deserved any help." I muttered, breaking eye contact with him. It hurt to see him upset. "Hurting yourself won't heal others, KK. Hell- it does the opposite."

"I can't just stop, Sollux. Even if I wanted to- Which I do, trust me, I _really_ fucking do. But it's an addiction." Sollux just stared at me for a few seconds. "How many do you normally do?"

"What?"

"How many cuts do you normally make?"

"How the fuck should I know!? I don't count them!"

Sollux takes a frustrated breath, and one of my arms are yanked outward again with his Psionics. He counts my fresh wounds softly. "116." He whispers, and I cringe. _Did I really do that many?_

"Count next time you do it. Make it only 50 per week." He says, releasing my arm. "50 per _week!?_ I did that much in one day!"

"You're trying to teach your body to deal with smaller amounts until it doesn't need anymore at all." He explains. "It'll be a pain in the ass for the first few weeks but you'll get used to it."

"How do you know all this?" I ask, pulling my sleeves back down. Sollux sighs, pulling up his own sleeves and showing me his scars. "Before the… _Accident…_ Mituna helped me stop."

I frown at him, and he just pulls his sleeves back down. I never imagined him to do something like that to himself. I never even knew that he would have a reason to. But I guess everyone has their own demons.

"Now," He says, smirking. "About your jealousy issues."

"Sollux, I swear to god-" "I'm just kidding, KK. Don't flip your shit."

I grumble at him, but he clears his throat and continues. "I think you might have a flush crush for Dave as well." He explained, placing a hand over my mouth to prevent me from protesting. "I know that you don't want to admit it, but you have the symptoms."

I pull his hand from my mouth. "Well, what the fuck do I do about it?" I grumble. Sollux scratches the back of his head. "That, I'm not sure of."

"Considering how he already has a matesprite, I don't know how to approach that." He ponders for a moment. "I mean, maybe just try to do what you guys did with your moirailegance? You know, a three-way." 

I cringed. "Humans are more comfortable with multiple friendships, rather than romantic affairs." I explained. "Then that's their loss. It's a miracle for some people to find successful romantic relationships with one person, let alone two." He said, and I felt kind of bad.

It reminded me of how his girlfriend Aradia died when she was murdered one night. She loved to explore the woods and look at animals there, but she was there alone and someone killed her. Sollux was crushed. He was planning on proposing to her when we graduated.

He tried to get over her by dating Feferi, a cheerleader at our school. But he was just trying to staple Aradia's face over her, and try to pretend that she was her. Plus, they didn't work out since her friend Eridan showed up and got jealous, since he wanted to ask her out. There was a huge fist fight and Sollux was knocked out and Feferi ended up getting beaten up by Eridan. She got her stomach sliced open, and she was in the hospital for weeks.

Since then, he hasn't dated anyone in about a year. Sure, he gets crushes, which I think he's either pale or red crushing on Terezi. But that's all I really know. He hates talking about that stuff. Probably because it brings back bad memories. 

"I'm not sure what to say about that, though." Sollux, said, cracking his neck. "Humans are weird. Why do you think I prefer avoiding them at all costs?"

I laughed at him. I looked at the clock, and it was already 5:00. I had to be home before Kankri, since there was something I needed to get from his room. "I gotta go, man." I said, hugging him one more time. "I'll talk to you again tomorrow."

"Yeah, I'll make sure to get info on TZ." He said, smiling at me. I walked out of his house, and for the first time in a while, I felt at ease.

 

* * *

 

 *Sollux's POV*

  

I'm really worried about Karkat. I knew that he was sort of off during the school year, but I never imagined that it would get this bad. His scars were so deep, deeper than I even made my own. Even though I guess I could have more of a control on that, considering the fact that I used my psionics.

I needed to talk to Terezi. If that was Karkat then Terezi must be going through hell with Gamzee. I dialed her number and told her to get over here now, and that it was an emergency. I heard Mituna shouting about something upstairs, and silently hoped he wouldn't come down when I was talking to her.

She ended up coming, and I guided her inside. "Look, I know this is sort of sudden, but I _really_ need to talk to you." I said, looking into her blood red eyes. She nodded her head. "I'm sorry that I was a dick towards you these past few months, but there's something I need to know, for your safety and for others."

She raised her eyebrows at me, but let me continue. "Gamzee isn't acting normal." I explained, and saw her tense up a bit. I began to focus my psionics on her body, to feel for any more internal reactions. "He shot Karkat, and nearly killed him."

"What!?" She shouted, and I felt her heart rate increased. "Why the hell would he do that to him!?"

"I don't really know, Karkat didn't say." I said, and Terezi raised a hand. "Wait, you talked to Karkat?" She gave me a dirty look. _Was she still upset at him?_

I groaned. "He came to me for a therapy session, not to get the gossip about your life." I said. Okay, that wasn't totally true, but it was true enough. She didn't look satisfied, but I continued onward. "Has Gamzee done anything… _Questionable…_ Towards you?"

She hesitated, and I swear to god her heart skipped at least 2 beats. "N-No! He's the best matesprite he can be! I-" "Don't lie to me, TZ."

She sighed, smiling a bit. "Can't lie to a Captor." She laughed. "Damn right." I say, softly punching her. "Now tell me, what's really going on?"

She took a breath. "Things were great, until he got controlling. He would take my phone and check who I was texting, accuse me of cheating, and even slap me if I hung out with people he didn't like." She paused. "He became really manipulative."

"You're speaking in past tense." I noted. "What's going on now?"

She bit her lip, and her heart rate increased. She shook her head, remaining silent. "TZ, you're safe here." I said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Please, tell me."

She began to tremble, and teal tears slipped down her face. She pulled away from me and turned to the side, lifting her shirt and revealing series of bruises, bites, and claw marks all over her body.

I pulled her into a hug, as gently as I could, and pet her hair as she sobbed into my shoulder. "It'll get better, I promise…" I whispered, holding her close. "I'll kill that bastard."

She abruptly pulled away, shaking her head violently. "You can't!" She nearly shouted. "He's blackmailing me. He drugged me and took pictures of my body. He threatened to send them to the school and my mom. I can't risk it."

"I can hack his computer." I said, holding her shoulders. Terezi laughed and sniffled. "He has it on three separate flash drives, including his phone." Damn, he's smart.  
"Where are they?" I asked. "The hell if I know. I would have destroyed them a long time ago if I did."

"Don't worry." I said, pulling her into another hug. "We'll figure this out."

I heard someone clear their throat, and I looked up to see Mituna standing in the hallway. _Shit, now what?_ "Someone's on the phone for you, Sollux."

"Tell them to _wait."_ I shouted at him. "It's an emergency, they said."

I groaned, and got up, taking the phone from Mituna. He shrugged and walked back upstairs. "Hello?" I asked, hinting annoyance in my voice.

_"Sollux Captor? This is Kurloz. I need your help."_

 

* * *

 

*Dave's POV*

 

I'm locked in my room, sitting on the edge of my bed as tears slip down my face. Bro's at the hospital, and is going to be questioned by the police when he wakes up. Aunt Roxy is talking to an officer and claiming that she didn't know anything about it, and Rose is banging on my door and trying to get me out.

I'm slicing into my arm with a broken shard of glass from a broken jar in my bedroom. _Embarrassed. Ashamed. Words can't describe how I feel. I can never look at John again. I can't believe I'm actually doing this to myself._ I never thought I'd be upset enough to want physical pain over emotional.

_I'd rather that Bro had beaten and raped me than John to come and save me. Does that make sense? I  understand now... Why Karkat does this to himself._ I continue to cry. _This isn't working. I'm not numb enough._ The mirror in my bathroom gives me an idea.

I stand up, blood dripping from my arm and onto the floor. I look in my cabinet and find a bottle of sleeping pills. I pour out a handfull and begin swallowing them all. _This world never had anything in store for me anyways. I was destined for failure, and to die some other miserable way._

_I'm fucked up enough, and John's probably disgusted with me. I'll never be able to give John the pleasure of taking my virginity. I'm sick of myself._ I look in the mirror, and the pills are already taking their affect. I feel dizzy. I look into my eyes, red as my blood. I want to pluck them out with a pair of scissors.

My thoughts are interupted when I hear my bedroom door broken open, but I'm too drowsy to care. I begin to lean on the bathroom sink for support, knocking the bottle of pills to the floor, having them scatter everywhere. I see the blue of the pills contrast with the puddle of red blood on the floor, and smile. _That would be a really cool picture._

I look up and see Rose's horrified face, and Aunt Roxy's face of disbelief as I fall to the floor. Their faces almost make me sick enough to throw up the pills. Almost. Instead I just lie on the floor, wondering why my blood feels so cold down there as Rose shrieks for a medic and I slowly slip away.

 

* * *

 

 *Sollux's POV*

  
"What is it you need help with?" I ask into the phone.

"You're a tech guy, right?" He asks, and I can practically hear his grin.

"Yeah, so what?"

"I need you to be my tech guy for a plan I got going on with my gang."

"You know I prefer to stay unaffiliated."

"You don't gotta be _affiliated,_ you just gotta take the money and do the job."

"I'm not interested in money."

"Well then what _are_ you interested in?"

I hesitate, wondering if I should really trust him.

_What do I have to lose?_

"Here, I wanna make a deal." I say firmly.

_"Oh?"_   Kurloz asks, seeming intrigued.

"Your brother happens to have some images of something that I don't need going around, you get my drift?"

Kurloz hums, urging me to continue.

"I need you to get me his phone, laptop, and three different flashdrives with those images on there, then you'll have my help."

"Ugh, those are going to be a bitch to get." I hear him grumble.

"Well, considering you contacted me, I'm going to guess that the job you have for me will be a bitch to do."

I hear Kurloz laugh into the phone. "Yeah, yeah, it probably is."

"Speaking of which, what is this job anyways?"

"I need you to program some bombs and make them go off at certain times."

_"Whoa,_ what the fuck!?" I say, wondering if he's joking.

"Calm down, nobody's gonna be in the building."

"Look, I'm going to need to know _a little bit_ more about this operation before I dive in."

"I understand. I'll tell you, but not here. Meet me at my warehouse in 10 minutes."

"Ugh, _fine."_

I hung up, and looked over at Terezi. "I gotta go, something came up." I say, giving her a hug. She nods her head, and walks out the door.

As I grab my things and leave, I see Mituna give me a concerned look before I close the door. 

_I really hope I don't regret this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note, yes, Terezi is blind. She has a walking stick but I didn't mention it since there were more important things going on.   
> Also, what Sollux did to help Karkat slow down actually does work- At least for me. If you ever want to try to make someone slow down or even stop, I suggest using that method. It helps a lot.  
> And yes, I ship Sollux Terezi, and Sollux Karkat. Whoops?


	15. I Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat finds out some stuff. John becomes flustered. Sollux struggles with morals. Dave sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your suggestions! I had gotten some inspiration from a few but I can't find them in the comments ;-; Anyways, I just wanted to give you guys an idea about what I'm going for. Dave is the one who's polyamorous. Karkat is also *slightly* polyamorous, but John is more neutral.  
> The reason why I'm bringing this up is because people have noticed I go more 'JohnDave' or 'DaveKat' rather than 'JohnKat', and that's because I ABSOLUTELY SUCK at writing JohnKat. So until I can think of a way to inch those two together (Or get suggestions for them) It'll probably end up with everyone dating Dave. If you don't want that happening, please assist me with thinking of a way to pull those two together.  
> 

*Karkat's POV*

 

I felt so out of the loop in between those two. Whenever we had sleepovers or got together, they would always be sucking face or flirting, leaving me as a third wheel. I know, I know, they really like each other. And I'm happy that they're happy! It's just…

I wish I could have the same happiness as them sometimes. And yeah, I know it's selfish and that I don't really deserve it, but it still doesn't curb my need to be held at 4:00 am.

I just felt like they needed some alone time. Like a honeymoon, sort of. Just for dating though. So, I decided to just leave them alone for a while. They seemed happy still, and I had Sollux, so I was fine. But for the past two days John's been blowing up my phone, and I've been doing my best to ignore him.

Well, until he knocked on my door today.

I had opened the door, expecting a grumpy Kankri who had forgotten his keys, but no. A sad-eyed bucktooth nerd was on my doorstep, looking like he was going to cry. As soon as I open the door, he stepped up, and slapped me across the face.

I stepped back from the force, and held my face. "What the hell, _Jo-"_ "Where the fuck have you been!?"

I was startled by his volume. "What?" I squinted at him, wondering what in the absolute fuck he was talking about. "I've been calling you for the past two days! Why haven't you been answering!?"

"What are you, my wife?" I scoffed, leaning on the wall behind me and looking at him. He scowled. "Dave is in the hospital, you ass."

My expression changed from annoyance to worry faster than I expected. "Wait, _what!?"_ I said, pushing off the wall and standing up straight. "What the fuck happened!?"

"I…" John took a deep breath. "I fucked something up. I saw something he didn't want me to see and then he locked himself in his bathroom and…" He swallowed, seeming uncomfortable with bringing the topic up. "He was on the floor in a pool of his own blood. He slit his wrists really bad."

I just stared at John, still processing this information. _Dave? Out of all people, Dave Strider cut himself? And how the fuck did I not know about this? Or notice? Holy shit, he always wears that long sleeve T shirt, how the fuck did you not notice this you moron!_

_What if he did it because of you? Because you kept pushing them away? Fuck, you really fucked up now. You almost got your friend killed. He wants to die because of you._

"Is he okay?" I manage to say, still processing. "He's in the hospital. They sewed up his wrists and they think he'll be okay. His brother's in jail right now."

"What? Why?" I asked. John tensed up. "I uh… I saw his brother hitting him and I called the cops…"

"Oh." I said, flinching at what he said. _Great job you asshole, opening up a fresh wound in the poor kid._ I feel tears slowly pricking at my eyes.

"C-Can you take me there?" I ask, rubbing at my eyes. _Damn it, you're so weak._ John nods his head, and comes in for a hug. He feels warm, and I melt into the hug, burying my eyes into his shoulder. It feels really nice to be held by someone who cares.

"Karkat?" John says softly in my ear. I hum in response. "Why have you been ignoring me and Dave?"

"I just felt like a third wheel, and that you guys would be better without me for a while." I sigh into him. "I guess I was just envious of the love you guys have together."

"What? Dave and I love you too!" He says, holding my shoulders and looks me in the eyes. I groan, and push him away. "No, not _that_ kind of love. I want red, not pale."

John's face gets a little red, and I turn away from him. _Nice job, dingus._ "I mean, uh…" John starts, rubbing the back of his head. "I used to have a crush on you in middle school. But I never wanted to admit it cause I didn't want to be gay." He chuckles awkwardly.

"Is this your attempt at making me feel better?" I ask, smirking. John nods his head, making me laugh.

"I mean, before Dave asked me out, I always thought he liked you. In fact, he still might." John says, smiling at the thought. "He's always the one to talk about your cute butt, or come up with the idea of a threesome with you."

My face went red. "Dave is just joking and being a fucking pervert." I mutter, shaking my head and rolling my eyes. Striders. "What made you think he liked me, anyways?"

"Well, I would always catch him staring, or lingering a little too long when he made contact with you." He smiled softly. "And how would you notice this?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

John gets a bit flustered. "I… Uh… I guess I had mixed feelings about you guys before I started dating Dave…"

I don't respond, since I can't find one. My head still hurts from confessing to John and learning of Dave, so an awkward silence hangs in the air. "So, uh, can we get going to the hospital?" I ask. John nods his head, and we both walked out to his dad's car.

 

* * *

 

*John's POV*

 

 _Wow, you just told Karkat that you used to like him. And even hinted that you kind of did still like him. Way to go._ I lean my head against the car window, looking at the houses passing by. Karkat's sitting on the opposite side of me, doing the same thing. He seems worried about Dave.

I was too, but I had already seen him earlier today. He had stitches and bandages on his wrists that looked painful, and a peaceful expression on his face. I wonder what the doctor's reactions to his eyes were.

I doubt that Karkat got the reference to my sort of still liking him, though. He's too worried about Dave to think of that. I wonder how Dave will react when he wakes up. He'll probably be sad that he worried us.

I still don't know what this means for Dave and I, though. _He was so embarrassed. Will he break up with me? Oh god, I hope not. I'm really worried about us._ He makes me really happy, and I don't want to lose him. He makes me feel like I have someone that cares even more than anyone.

When we arrive at the hospital, we're brought to Dave's room. He's still asleep, and the doctors doubt he'll wake up today. I watched Karkat examine Dave's body. He seemed so upset. I hope he doesn't blame himself.

He walks around the bed, and sits next to me in the guest chairs. "So," He starts, turning his body to face me. "How far have you guys gone?"

"Whoa- _What?!"_ I say, scooting back. _Did he really just ask me that!?_

"Yeah, you heard me." He shrugged. "You can tell me. I'm not going to judge."

"I… Uh…" I took a breath. "He might have, uh…" _Man, this is really hard to say out loud._

"Gone down on you?" Karkat said. I covered my face and nodded. He chuckled. "I bet you returned the favor, didn't you?"

"Karkat, _please-" "Oh my god,_ that means you've seen his dick. Is he as big as he says he is?"

"Karkat, _what-"_ "Wow, have you guys gone all the way?"

"What! No, what's gotten into you?" I asked, looking at him. His eyes were covered with his hand as he laughed. He started shaking his head, and I saw some tears slip from the sides.

He suddenly got up, cleared his throat, and began walking out without saying a word. "Wait, Karkat-!" He had already left, leaving me worried and confused. _What the hell is going on with him?_

I sighed, standing up and leaving the room. _I hope Dave wakes up soon._

 

* * *

 

*Sollux's POV*

 

I've never been more conflicted about anything in my entire life. I'm proud yet disgusted with myself.

Terezi was finally able to break up with Gamzee. I deleted everything on any form of technology he had. Although, he didn't give up very easily. He attacked her after school and I nearly killed him with my Psionics until Kanaya caught us and broke us up. And now, I have to be the bomb master for blowing up the entire fucking school.

Kurloz wants to leave with a bang. A.K.A, committing suicide on the last day of school by taking the whole school down with him. The guy's got problems, alright. But either way I saved a friend and I'm $10,000 richer.

Who knew that my nightly hobby would make me a shit ton of money? Well, it's not like what I'm doing is legal. But hey, I'm setting off smoke bombs first to evacuate the school to a safe place to watch the whole thing go down. I'm pretty sure 3/4th of the school will like the show, anyways.

Man, Aradia would be rolling in her grave if she knew what I was doing. Although, if she was alive I'd probably use the money to buy a ring for me to marry her. _Okay, stop Sollux, leave her be._

Terezi's been coming over a lot more lately, and I'm actually happy with what we have. We're moirails now, but there have been times where I contemplated a romantic relationship. Especially when she kissed me. Oh yeah, that was a thing.

We were back at my place after the fight, when Gamzee agreed to leave her alone. She was so happy and I held out my arms for a hug, and yeah she hugged me, but she kissed me too. I may or may not have kissed back, but later on we agreed to just being moirails. I don't want to risk her being another Fef or Aradia.

Mituna's not being a bitch, that's new. Latula's been keeping him distracted, and things seem to be going well for me. Although I know that if he was his old self, I'd be getting thrown into a wall right now. He never liked Kurloz's gang stuff, nor did he want anything to do with it. I doubt he'd like me involved.

Karkat's been happier too, which is a huge victory in my book. Although I know that there's something bothering him, no matter how much he smiles. I know that he's been having some relationship troubles, so I'd rather stay out of that.

Gamzee's been giving me death glares from time to time, but it's not like he can do anything. Especially if Eridan just bitches at him and threatens to have his daddy sue.

I have a lot of people backing me up with my decision, even though some people are skeptical. Latula doesn’t like me getting in trouble, and Eridan thinks I'm going to kill everyone.

I just hope that nothing goes wrong during the plan. The last thing I need to do is kill someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I hate to say it but I'm going to continue my slower updates. It's a miracle I was able to do it today. Waves of depression mixed with other things are not fun.


	16. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We dive into the minds of Gamzee and Terezi. Dave awakens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had forgotten if I had mentioned how Aradia died beforehand, so if I did and this is different (Which I doubt it is), just stick with this part.

*Gamzee's POV*

 

Everything is losing it's haze, and I'm going fucking nuts.

I need to get high again. I can't stand being sober. I get too cranky and I can't even think straight. My high is my normal self. My high keeps my mind from wandering too far deep. My high blocks out the voices.

I'm in the warehouse, and I'm suffocating. _How the fuck did I not feel this insane heat when I was high?_ I can't even fucking think, it feels like I'm drowning in my own sweat. I begin to quickly walk to my office, shoving people out of my way who don't move first.

I'm too sober to care and beat their asses if they don't. I'm second-in command here, and everyone knows to stay out of my way. I burst into my office and slam the door shut behind me, locking it and going around to my desk, pulling out drawers and looking for something- Anything.

Loud knocks on my door break me from my spell. Oh shit. There's only one person who can knock on my door like that. "Just a minute!" I grumble, trying to make my office look presentable. The knocks come louder, and I quickly scramble to open the door, only to be punched in the face.

I stumble back, stunned from the blow, and lean back on my desk. I try to recollect myself, before Kurloz spins and drop-kicks me to the ground. I wish I took Tai Kwon Doe with Kurloz in middle school. He puts his foot on my back, preventing me from moving.

"Why have you been slacking off?" He says in barely audible voice. I always hated those stitches in his lips, it's always a bitch to hear him speak now. "I wasn't." I cough, straining to breath or even speak properly.

I let out a harsh wheeze when he plants more weight onto my back, crushing my lungs. "Then why is my vault missing $50?" He lurks over my head, and I can already feel his smirk. "I needed to get high, alright? You don't know what it's like." I muttered.

I felt Kurloz frown, and he spat on me, removing his foot and stepping back. "You're just weak." I slowly get up, and look over at him. _"I'm_   weak? You're the one who wants to kill yourself and potentially injure others."

I instantly regretted saying that the moment I felt the words spill from my lips. I regretted it more when I felt Kurloz's fist collide with my face. "This world is better without me," he points to himself with his thumb. "Or that shithole of a school."

I remain silent until I watch Kurloz leave, then I crawled to the door and shut it, locked it, and slid myself down against it. I curl into my knees and run a hand through my hair. _Fuck, you're so weak, crying over something as stupid as this. This is nothing new, why are you still fucked up over it?_

 _I need someone to care for me for once. Someone who would actually listen to me._ My mind flashed back to Karkat, and I groaned, biting my knee hard enough to draw blood. _Fuck, fuck. Why did it seem like such a good idea to fuck your moirail over when you're high?_

_Before you could have fixed it. I probably could have fixed it even after I tried making him join. But after this? Fuck no, he's gone. He's even got two moirails now. Two that are way better than you ever were. God, you're so fucked up. He should die. He should just die and not deal with this bullshit of a world._

_He's too good for this world. He doesn’t deserve this. Doesn't deserve me, or those two dumbasses that he's with. They've been onto each other more than him anyways. God, I want to hug him. I want to hug him and I want to cuddle him and I want to wrap my hands around his neck and just squeeze._

I take a breath and stop myself. _No, killing is bad. You already shot him, you hurt him enough. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it._ I begin to bang my head against the door over and over again. _Get these stupid thoughts out of your head._

I hear words outside of my office, and laughter. "Hey, Gamzee must got a girl in there, don’t he?" I hear them laugh. _No, no, that's not who I am. I begin to shake my head, and bang louder. I don't want that image. That's not who I am. I don't want to be this person. I wanted to save the world. I wanted to be a police officer as a kid. Whatever happened to that?_

_God, I was such a stupid kid. I didn’t even know how easily I could be corrupted, and fucked up. Hell, my record would grant me as more of a criminal than a cop. God, I wish I could just be fucking normal. I want to start over and change everything. I want to fix it, I want to go back and slap that joint out of my little fucking hands and scream and punch myself in the face._

I remembered Terezi, and how I was such an ass to her. _How the fuck can you fix anything? You've broken relationships, people, and even yourself. God, you just used her as a fucking punching bag and fuckmeat. Did she even want you? Probably not. Oh god, you raped her. You fucking raped her. You're terrible._

I feel another bang behind the door, and look up to see Kurloz's shadow looming over me. "Get your pathetic ass out here, I need your help." I heard him say through the door. "I'm busy." I replied back, wiping my eyes and taking slow, deep breaths.

"You'll get weed if you participate." He said, and began walking away. I quickly stood up and opened the door, following him. _I want these thoughts out of my head, so I'll just let the smoke chase them away._

 

* * *

 

*Dave's POV*

 

I woke up to a sleeping Egbert. It was probably about 3 or 4 in the morning. I'm surprised they even let him in here. I nudged him with my arm, ignoring the stinging pain. After a few tries, he slowly blinked and awakened. He looked up at me, and smiled.

"You're awake." He sighs, looking up at me. "Yeah…" I say softly, taking in his features. He seemed worried about something.

"You okay?" I ask, sitting up a bit. "Yeah, I'm fine… I just…" He trailed off, breaking eye contact and seeming to choose his words carefully.

"Are we still…" He paused. "You know… Dating?"

I just looked at him. "What?" I squint. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I know I saw something that… I probably shouldn't have…" He muttered, scratching the back of his head. "I was worried that you'd want to break it off… You know, cause I saw."

I just looked at him. I admit, I'm ashamed for what he saw, but did I really want to break up with him over something as stupid as that? _Does he really think that?_

"Dude no, I'm not dumping you over this." I said. "I care about you way more than some stupid pride of mine."

He looked at me and smiled. "Really?" He said in a voice just above a whisper. He looked like he was on the brink of tears. "Yeah, I'm not an asshole man." I chuckle at him, and lift my arms slightly for a hug.

He wraps his arms around me, and I feel him tremble in my arms. He smells like vanilla and soap. I missed his hugs. They're always warm and sweet.

I feel bad for what I did, but then again I don't. I'm grateful I lived but then again I'm also miserable at the same time. I don't even know what happened to Bro, and I doubt John would know anything about that. I just don't want anyone beating themselves up over this.

I remembered Karkat, and instantly pulled away. "Does Karkat know?" I questioned, looking up at him. He nodded his head. Crap.

"What does he think about… Well, this?" I ask, scratching my arm near the IV. Man, those things are a pain in the ass. "He seemed really upset about it." John shrugged, and I squinted at him.

"Do you know where he is?" John shrugged again, grabbing his backpack. "I dunno. I'm gonna go call a doctor for you, though."

"Wait-" And he left. Wonderful. I felt for my phone, but I found myself in a hospital gown instead. _Where the fuck are my clothes? My phone, specifically._

_God, I hate hospitals. It smells like death and bad memories._

 

*Terezi's POV*

 

_I think I have a crush on Sollux._

Ugh, I hate hormones so much. Can't a guy do something nice for me without having me want to kiss them to death? Well, I already kissed Sollux, but I don't think he's ready for another relationship.

Besides, I wouldn't dare date him after what happened with Aradia. Those two were inseparable. Nepeta and I would talk about how much we shipped them sometimes when we FLARPed. There was a rumor going around that Sollux was going to propose to her in Senior year, but I don't know if that was true.

Those two had dated since 6th grade, when Aradia had no friends except for Sollux. Their relationship ended up advancing into high school and Sophomore year, until she died. Those two were always with each other though. Nobody messed with Aradia, and if they did they had to answer to Sollux.

She ended up dying when she went wandering in the forest like how she normally did, but she never came home. They ended up finding her body in the forest all cut up. Someone had murdered her. Sollux was heartbroken, and went on a rampage with his psionics in town.

Sollux ended up being put into jail for a month before being released back into public again. He managed to keep his grades up somehow, being the genius he is. He has a lot of crap on his plate. With a dad that makes computers and is never home, and a mentally unstable brother with psionics that are of equal _(Or maybe even greater)_ strength than his.

On the bright side, Karkat and I are on good terms again. Now our little trio is back together again. We can play video games and have our old feeling jams again. Okay, we haven't had feeling jams yet but we really need to. I want it to be like old times again, before everything got all complicated.

Gamzee is finally off my back. I hate his guts, and I want him to just go die in a hole. Well, Sollux almost murdered him until Kanaya showed up with her chainsaw. Eridan came too, but nearly got chopped in half trying to break them up.

I'm really happy that I'm away from him, and I wish I never dated him in the first place. Although I was in a dark place at the time, with everyone hating on me because of Latula, and he was there for me when nobody else was. Karkat was being a shut in, and I was sad and lonely.

_That still doesn't excuse what he did._

Lying on my bed and looking at what seems to be the ceiling _(Blind, remember?)_ doesn't help much. It smells like chalk and wax, and I can smell Latula somewhere, presumably texting Mituna or someone in her little group.

"Who are you texting?" I ask, leaning my head towards the smell of Latula. "Hm? Why do you ask?" I hear her shuffle, possibly turning towards me.

"I'm bored, and we don't talk much." I say, blinking at nothing. Latula hums. "Mituna."

"I see." I desperately think of something else to say. "About what?"

"He's worried about something happening." She says, sitting up and patting her thumbs against her phone's screen quicker. "What?" I ask, also sitting up.

"It's probably nothing." She says, and I already know that she probably shook her head at me. "Just tell me. If it's nothing it shouldn't matter."

She sighs. "He thinks that Kurloz is going to blow up the school. Ugh, he probably started messing with Tuna again. He gets so annoying." She mutters, and I hear her fingers tap at her screen again. I know about the price that Sollux had to pay to help me, so I didn't say anything.

"Terezi?" Latula asks. Her fingers had stopped typing. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Nope." I said, rolling over and away from her. I heard Latula shuffle, and suddenly she was lying on my side. "Latula!" I shouted, trying to shove her off of me.

"Tell me!" She shouts, pushing me back and causing me to fall to the floor. "What do you know!?"

I groan. "I don't even know that much about it!" I snap, rubbing the back of my head. Hitting carpet still hurts, no matter how soft it is. "Just tell me what you know!"

"Fine, but you can't tell anyone!" I say, holding out my pinky. She grumbles. "Fine." She hooks her pinky with mine.

"All I know is that he's planning on blowing up the school as a way for him to commit suicide. He's setting off the fire alarms first to evacuate everyone out of the school so nobody dies." I explained. Latula remained silent.

"He's fucking insane!" She shouted, trying to get up. I grabbed her leg, causing her to trip and fall. "Where are you going!?"

"To tell mom, she's a cop! She has to stop this!" I slapped my hand over mouth. "No! You promised!" I screeched.

She pushed my hand away. "Terezi, this is terrorism." She said slowly. "Nobody's dying except for him!" I said, raising my hands in the air.  
Latula sighed, and I heard shuffling. "Fine. I won't tell mom. I'll just talk to Kurloz." She said, getting up once again. "What!? No!" I cried out, grabbing her ankle again. She didn't fall this time.

"'Rezi, get off of me!" She said, shaking her leg. "You do realize that that's my abusive ex boyfriend's brother!"

She paused, and stopped moving. "Kurloz used to beat him up too. He doesn't care. Even if it's you." I said. Latula remained silent. "Fine." She said, plopping back on the floor.

"I just hope you're right about nobody else dying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #howtomakepeopleloveandhateacharacter  
> #ireallysuckatwritingsisterlyrelationships  
> #iampalesolrezitrash  
> #iconsideredhavingjohnanddavebreakup
> 
> c:


	17. Family Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave gets some news. Karkat gets some balls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *PLEASE READ* Bro is Alpha Dirk, as we all know. The actual abusive one. Roxy is Alpha Roxy. All of the Alpha Kids are in their Alpha forms except for Jane and Jake (Jane is John's cousin who's in college and Jake is Jade's older brother who dated Dirk.) Roxy is oldest, Dirk is second oldest, Jake is second youngest, and Jane is youngest. I'm not going to go into age specifics but basically Roxy is in her early 30's (Teenage pregnancy is a thing.) and Jane is in her early 20's. That should give you guys a pretty good idea of their ages.

*Dave's POV*

 

"Alright, Mr. Strider. You're free to go." My doctor smiled at me, and stepped back, allowing me to stand.

"Thanks, Doc." I said, rolling my head around my neck, cracking it and getting rid of the little kinks in my neck. I look down at my wrists, which are covered and wrapped in thick bandage.

_I wonder how Karkat will react when he sees this._

_Why the hell am I thinking of Karkat?! Why not John or Rose!?_

I begin walking out of the hospital, grabbing my sweater and pulling it on. _Do I have a crush on him, too? No, fuck no, you're dating John you sicko. Jesus Christ why do hormones do this to me? Maybe I should just talk to Rose about this. She knows about all of this weird ass romance shit. She's an expert with trolls, at least._

I cringed at that thought. _Dave, stop thinking of your cousin banging her troll girlfriend._ I quickly hailed a cab, and gave him my address. _I definitely need to talk to someone about this._

***One Cab Ride Later***

As I stepped into the house, I could see from the view at the front door that Rose and Aunt Roxy were sitting on the couch, waiting for me. As I stepped closer, Aunt Roxy seemed sober.

_Well that's not a good sign._

"Hey, I'm back." I said with my usual stoic mask. "What's with this get together?" I asked, chuckling a bit. Rose looked up at me, and motioned for me to sit in the love seat across from them.

I swallowed, and sat down, looking at Aunt Roxy's uncomfortable body language. She clearly didn't want to be having this conversation, but she's forcing herself to for some reason. It must be really important then.

"As you know, Dirk hasn't been the _best_ guardian…" She sighed, twirling her hair. His actual name made me flinch. He never let me call him by that, otherwise I'd be beaten bloody.

"Normally, for things like drunk driving or crashing his car, I'd be able to cover for him and pay bail." She explained. "But this time, things are a bit different."

"What makes this different? Is the bail higher?" I asked. She sighed.

"It's… More than something like that…" Rose explained, placing her hand on her mother's knee, which was shaking. "There is no bail. So we can't do anything about that."

I raised an eyebrow, but let them continue. "Dirk is also on charges for physical, mental, and sexual abuse to a minor, and charges of child pornography as well." Roxy seemed physically disgusted by her nephews actions. "I can live with myself for releasing a drunk driver. But not a sex offender."

I slowly nodded my head. "So… What's going to happen?" I asked, looking up at her. She seemed relieved, as if she thought I was going to defend him. _Why the fuck would I do that?_

"He's going to be in prison for at least 5 years, no matter how good of a lawyer he has." Rose explained, smiling at me. "And according to the law, he cannot have legal contact with you ever again."

Rose seemed enthusiastic about the news, making me assume that it's good. _It is, isn't it? Then why aren't I happy? Why am I not screaming with joy and crying tears of happiness and feeling free? Why am I still feeling the same?_

"And because of this, I now have full custody of you." Roxy explained, smiling a bit. "So you'll be living with us permanently."

I smiled. "Thanks for not dumping me out on the streets or into foster care." I chuckled. Roxy nodded her head, and then groaned. "Ugh, but it's going to be a pain in my ass to register you as a citizen of Washington."

Rose shushed her, and I chuckled. "I'll always have a part of Texas in me. Whether it's my love of the heat or when my accent slips out." I joked. Rose smiled at me. "Well you don't have to stress anymore, Dave. It's just us now."

I smiled and nodded my head. Although I still feel melancholy about all of this. I don't feel any calmer. Actually, I feel angry.

Angry that I'm going to have to adjust to this, that I actually have to adjust to anything! That I was so used to getting the shit beaten out of me and being hated. I shouldn't have to adjust, and I don't want to. I just want to be fully accustomed, and not flinch whenever I hear metal sounds.

"I'm just gonna go in my bedroom now." I said, standing up and walking away. Roxy was going to say something, but Rose stopped her. I should remember to thank her for that later.

I shut the door behind me, and sit on the edge of my bed. _What do I have to do to feel something? I feel number than ever now. Maybe it's the drugs they put in me at the hospital. Well now I can bring John over. Or even Karkat. Ugh, Karkat again!?_

In my heat of thought I didn't notice what I was doing until I felt the after sting of fresh cuts. I exhaled a shallow breath and chucked the glass shard against the wall, shattering it. I hope they didn't hear that, or get the idea to come in. That'd be shitty.

I lie back down on my bed and curl into my covers, not giving a shit if I stain them in blood. I should probably wait on talking to Rose. Right now I just want to be alone. In the softness of my blankets, my lack of sleep, and mental exhaustion, I fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

_You fucking moron. Look what you did. John's probably confused as fuck and thinks you're a jerk. He's dating Dave! How the fuck could you just act out like that!? God you deserve this, you fucking deserve this._

I was slicing into myself again. _I deserved this. It was a punishment. Cause you have to open your disgusting mouth and talk. Nobody wants to hear what you have to say. God, why do you always fuck up everything?_

_John probably told Dave, and he's going to be disgusted with you. He's going to hate you and never talk to you again and neither will John and you would have lost your moirails and-_

You notice Kankri standing in your doorway, watching you. It was kind of creepy, his face just looking in between the crack of your door. "Need anything?" I call out. He groans, and steps inside.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself." He says, crossing his arms and looking at me with disappointment in his eyes. He reminded me of mom when she would catch me wearing her heels as a kid. "Just fucking watch me." I spat, making another cut. Kankri cringed.

" _Please_ , stop." His voice sounded strained. "You're not only hurting yourself, but those around you that care. Like me."

"You don't care. You've hurt me when every other night I hear Cronus _raping_ you." I hiss. "It's not always-" He stops himself, and looks at me. I notice a red haze over his eyes. "You wouldn't understa-" "You wouldn't fucking understand _this_!" I shout, standing up and gesturing to my wrists.

"Maybe I would understand you if you would just let me!" Kankri shouted back, balling his hands into fists. "Maybe I would if you did the same! Stop treating me like a fucking wriggler and talk to me like another person!" I sighed, and ran a hand in my hair, smearing some of my blood on my cheek.

Kankri sighed, and used his sweater to wipe the blood off. It meshed right into the color. "You know, I'm not surprised you get beaten up when you just show off your blood color." I mutter. Kankri sighs. "Cronus says the same thing."

I tense up. "… Sorry." Kankri shrugs. "It's fine, I'm used to it."

"Why do you even date him?" I asked, sitting back down on my bed. Kankri takes a deep breath, and sits down next to me. "He shows me parts of him that he doesn't show anyone else." I snicker, but he punches my shoulder and gives me a warning look.

"He has his own problems of his own with his dad and his shitty little brother." He explained. "It's okay if he just uses me to relive stress, even if he's a little… _Rough_ … He just has a lot on his mind."

"I just hate myself, and whenever I fuck up I always think of the worst to come." I say, looking at my scars. "I never feel like I deserve anything I have."

"You have two amazing moirails." Kankri says, smiling. "Those two moirails are dating. And I'm red for one of them." I mutter, blushing.

"O-Oh." He says, chuckling. "My, that is quite a pickle."

I shrug. "Tell them how you feel. Maybe the one you're red for could make an exception." He said. "I'm not a homewrecker!" I shout.

Kankri laughs and shakes his head. "No, no, no. I mean date both of you."

"Like what we're doing with our moirailship?" I asked. "Exactly."

"Humans are… What's the word… _Uncomfortable_ with that… At least when it comes to being flushed for someone." I explained. Kankri sighed. "Yes, you're right. Humans are rather selfish about those things. Some are even selfish over friendship in general."

"But you could always give it a try." He shrugged. "What if they become disgusted with me?" I ask.

"Then just say that you were just putting an idea out there and you're happy to remain platonic friends." He said. "What if they don't want to because of what I said?!" I say, empathising my point.

"Then they're not very good moirails, are they?" Kankri asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I slumped. "I give up."

Kankri laughed. "Just try." He patted my head. "Fine. If it doesn’t work out I'm killing you." I say.

_I really hope it does work out, though._


	18. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave finally talks to Rose. Jade thinks about stuff. Karkat asks the big question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [PLEASE READ KINDA IMPORTANT] So I, being my forgetful self, have forgotten to have Sollux mention that Jade is one of the watch guards in the plan, and give her her own POV with dialogue and everything, due to being interrupted while writing. I'm kinda pissed at myself for letting this happen, so I'm trying to make up in this chapter.

*Dave's POV*

 

I wake up from my nap, and it's dark as hell. _This is why I never fucking nap, this shit happens._ I stumble out of bed and snatch my shades from my end table. I crack my neck, and slowly walk out of my room. I hear soft grunge music coming from down the hall, which is probably Rose. I peek over the railings of the stairs to look down into the living room.

It was empty, with a single lamp on and a mess of books. The fireplace was put out, a small stream of smoke was still floating from it. Aunt Roxy must have just left then, she normally would be sitting on the couch reading a magazine while drinking some sort of alcoholic beverage.

I remembered my troubling thoughts about Karkat and John, and recalled wanting to speak to Rose. I took a few steps towards her room, then stopped. _Should I really be venting to my therapist cousin about my love life issues?_ Then I answered myself. _Do I have anyone better in mind?_

I groaned internally, hoping I wouldn't regret this, and knocked on her door. I heard her soft footsteps, and her door opened a crack, revealing a lavender eye looking at me. "Do you need something?" She asked through the door. I nodded my head. She squinted her eyes at me. "What is it?"

I took a breath. "Can I talk to you?" I said, trying to show my frustration in my voice. Her look softened, and she swung the door open, stepping aside. "Of course. Come in." She had a hint of a smirk on her lips, as if she was expecting me.

Her black lipstick makes it more obvious that she's smiling. I sit down on one side of her bed and look around a bit. I never really go into Rose's room; half the reason because I want to respect her personal space and the other half because I'm honestly sort of scared of what could be in it. I had only been in here about 2 times.

She took a seat in her desk chair, spinning around to see me. She crossed her legs, and folded her hands in her lap. "So," She started, tilting her head to the side and starting off her 'therapist' vibe. "What seems to be the problem, _David?"_

"Don't call me that, first off." I said, which made her chuckle at me. "Second, you need to promise not to tell anyone about what we're going to talk about."

"What happens in this room, stays in this room." She assured me. "I want to help, not harm you. Please, just spill your troubles to me."

I hesitated before speaking, then sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Well, I've been having some trouble with my thoughts."

"Your thoughts?" She repeated. I nodded my head. "What kind of thoughts are these, exactly?"

"Well, you know how I think of John, right?" I began. Rose nodded. "I think I'm starting to think of Karkat that way, and I don't know why."

"You're viewing Karkat in a romantic way? Aren't you two moirails?" She asked. I clicked my tongue at her. "Well yeah, but doesn't it normally start like that in most relationships? You're friends then realize you're crushin' on each other."

"Well, that may be true. However you and Karkat have been friends for quite a while now. Almost a year, wouldn't you say?" Rose questioned. "John and I have been friends for three years, but he just started liking me a month ago." I rebuttled.

Rose laughed. "John has liked you for _much_ longer than that, he was just denying it." Rose explained. "He actually came to me about a month before that to ask me about some relationship advice."

I was slightly in shock to hear this news, but I pushed it away. _Let's not pry into John's life._ "You're kidding." I said. "Nope. I only speak the truth."

"And, that may be what's happening to you with Karkat."

"Whoa, _what?!"_ I said, leaning forward on the bed a bit. "You seem to be showing romantic attraction towards him, and you've been friends for a while. It's only expected." Rose explained.

"Yeah, but I'm happy with John."

"Are you?"

I hesitated before speaking. I feel happy with him. I genuinely like him. I've liked him for two years! I've tried so hard to get him to even fucking notice me, let alone like me. Dating him after all of that is a dream come true. "Yeah, I am." I confirmed. "Does Karkat make you happy?"

"I mean, he makes me laugh and shit." I mutter. "So that's a yes."

"So what? What is it that you're trying to get at?"

"Dave, have you ever heard of polyamory?"

"Yeah, I have. Why?"

"I think you might be polyamorous."

"Whoa, I'm not into threesomes!" I shout, shaking my hands at her. _Is she fucking with me right now?_

Rose groans. "No, it means that you are attracted to more than one person at once." I blink. "Isn't everyone?"

"Well some are, but the difference is that you could date more than one person at once."

"Wouldn't that be cheating?"

"Not if both parties accept and agree with it."

I thought of the idea of asking John if I could also date Karkat, but I just imagined John getting sad and thinking I was leaving him. "Wouldn't that be kind of awkward?" I asked. "It is. You don't have to go with it, it's up to you."

"How would I even ask John?" I asked, looking at her. "John would be okay with it, but the trick is to show both individuals equal love and attention. Otherwise one is going to think you favor the other." Rose explained.

"John already has abandonment issues, I don't need him thinking that I'm going to leave him." I groaned. "Like I said, you don't have to do this. It's only for whatever will make you comfortable."

"Yeah, but it would be fucking awesome if I could date both John and Karkat." I said, already imagining the cuddles and butt touches. _Karkat does have a really fine ass._ "What makes you think Karkat would even say yes?" Rose asked, popping my fantasy bubble.

"What?" I asked. "He seems to have a rocky relationship with you. I don't know if he'd even want to share you with John."

"Karkat's a chill guy, he wouldn't mind John. He's already friends with him anyways so it doesn't even matter." I explained. "Yes, but Karkat has already been neglected by you and John, and was even neglected by his previous moirail and matesprite." Rose explained.

"Wait, I neglected him!?" I shouted. "Yes, you did. When you and John began dating."

"He pushed us away!" I said. "But you didn't fight it. That's what he was looking for, to see whether or not you cared."

I felt like a complete asshole, then and there. _Fucking moron! How could you have missed that!?_ "Wait, who was his last matesprite?" I asked. "Terezi Pyrope."

Terezi was in my biology class, and we would talk and joke a lot and make Tavros's stuff blow up in his face. She seems like a pretty cool person, and we talk sometimes in school. I don't have her number or anything though.

"She's pretty nice, though." I said. "How did she neglect him?"

"She felt like Karkat wasn't taking the relationship seriously, and that he never sided with her and always chose his friends over her. She broke up with him by ditching him at a party and leaving to make out with Gamzee when she was drunk." Rose was looking at her nails, and chipping the black nail polish on them.

"What a bitch move." I muttered. "She was drunk. She didn't know." Rose was quick to defend her. _They must be friends._

"Karkat must have flipped out." I chuckled. "Actually, he did quite the opposite. He just left when he saw them. She didn't call him back after that and neither did he. They both ended it without saying anything to one another." Rose corrected me.

"That's a shitty way for a relationship to end." Rose nodded her head. "Indeed."

"Speaking of relationships, how's you and Kanaya?" I tried poking into her life to see her reaction. She lifted an eyebrow at me. "We're doing just fine. What about you and John?"

"He thought I was going to dump him for seeing what Bro did." I felt kinda shitty when I said it. _Am I that much of a dick?_ "I'm guessing you didn't."

"Of course I didn't!" I shouted. Rose laughed.

"Everyone views you as a jerk, but you're really just a misunderstood softie." She made a heart with her hands and put me in it. I stuck my middle finger up at her and stood up. "Thanks for the therapy session." I said, walking towards the door. "Anytime, my friend. Close the door behind you." Rose commanded, putting her grunge music back on.

I nodded my head, and shut the door behind me. I just stood there for a moment. _That went better than I thought it would._

 

* * *

 

*Jade's POV*

 

As much as I hate to admit it, I fucked up.

I only joined this stupid gang because everyone else was, and I'd be able to buy that new rifle I always wanted. Little did I know that I wouldn't be allowed to leave, and that I'd be harassed every single day. Can these guys just learn to back the fuck off!?

Worst of all, I'm going to be apart of a plan to destroy a huge part of my life here. I love this school, as much as I hate to admit it. I'd play in the parking lot as a kid and I'd chill with my friends outside or on the roof. It's kind of hard to chill out on some rubble.

At least I'm not doing the big heavy stuff. I'm just keeping an eye out for the cops and shooting them down if they come. I'm in one of the 4 vans we're using to complete the plan. I feel bad for Sollux, since he's commanding all of the bombs while Gamzee breathes down his neck. 

Equius and Cronus are going to give the signal of when the building has been evacuated and Kurloz will enter the building and take his throne in the gymnasium. He wants to die in his favorite part of the school, which will be blown up the most to ensure that he doesn't survive.

_In my opinion, why couldn't he just take a bullet to the brain or a noose around his neck? Not blow up a high school. It seems kinda pathetic if that's how he wants to die. But then again, maybe it was a big part of his life too. But blowing it up seems kind of extreme. Maybe he just really hates it._

_What'll happen to everyone who goes there? Will I have to go back to homeschooling? Ugh, I hate homeschooling! My teacher was so mean! And there's nobody but Bec around!_

I'm lying on the top of the school's roof, letting the cool night air chill me as I look up at the moon. My legs are dangling off the edge, and I kick them slightly to feel the wind through them. It's a strangely cool night for May. But I like it. I've normally always liked the heat, but tonight's different. Everything's different.

John and Dave are dating now. Which kinda sucks for me. I always liked Dave, from the first day John introduced him to me. I never imagined that John would go gay for him. Well, who wouldn't? I'm happy that he's happy, but it kinda sucks that I don't have a chance now. In fact, maybe I never had a chance in the first place. He never seemed to get my hints or even think of me like that.

My thoughts were interrupted by my phone buzzing. I took it out. I had gotten a text from Meenah. _Get down to the warehouse. Bring your best rifle. I have a job for you._

I sighed, and grabbed my rifle and it's case. It's always when I'm thinking about something. I've been counting down the days to the plan, and it's only a week until everything goes down.

I smile and skip the rest of the way to the warehouse.

 

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

**[Note: I am absolute shit at html and making pesterlogs on here, so just bear with me on this please. Also I'm not using their normal typing quirks because they're a bitch to read in the first place.]**

 

 

**CG: Hey, can we talk?**

I take a deep breath, and hit send. I had just texted Dave, and I'm worried that everything's going to go to shit real fast. I can't believe I let Kankri talk me into this. I had drank 2 Monster drinks, so I was wide awake and slightly anxious for his response. _What if he's asleep? What if he ignores me? What if-_  I felt my phone vibrate.

TG: Sure. What's up?

**CG: I've been meaning to get this off of my chest for a while,**

**CG: So I'm just going to say it.**

TG: ?

**CG: I think I'm going red for you.**

Silence. It takes him two minutes to respond, and I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding when he does.

TG: What?

**CG: I think I like you, okay!?**

TG: I uh

TG: Karkat

**CG: …**

TG: I think the same thing is happening to me too.

I stop. _What? What? Did he just? What!?_

**CG: Wait, what?**

TG: Yep.

_Is this even real? Dave Strider likes me? Me?_

**CG: Wait, so**

**CG: What does this make us?**

TG: I dunno.

**CG: What about you and John?**

TG:I still like John too.

I sort of cringe at that. Then regret it. _God, am I being a homewrecker? Am I being too selfish? Fuck Karkat what the hell is wrong with you, you stupid idiot!_

TG: Look, I talked to Rose about something called polyamory.

The same thing that Kankri talked about with me.

**CG: Yeah, my brother told me about that.**

TG: Oh, less explaining, great.

TG:Anyways, I was thinking maybe I should ask John about it.

TG: So I can date both of you.

**CG: Would he even agree to it?**

TG: I dunno. It's worth a try.

**CG: What if he gets mad? Or jealous?**

TG: …

**CG: Dave?**

TG: We'll cross that bridge when we get there.

**CG: …**

**CG: I have a bad feeling about this.**

I don't want to hurt John's feelings, and lose my closest friend.

TG: Don't.

TG: Worst thing happens is that we just stay moirails.

TG: It's not the end of the world.

**CG: Yeah…**

**CG: I suppose.**

TG: I gotta get going though, CrabbyCakes,

TG: Striders need their beauty sleep.

**CG: I can tell.**

TG: ;)

_Whoa, did I just flirt with Dave? While he's dating John? God, what's wrong with me!?_

TG: Night.

**CG: Night.**

I shut my phone off, and roll over and plant my face into a pillow. _I'm a terrible moirail. God, John is gonna hate me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to make Jade seem slightly psychotic in a way :3 She gets a kick out of violence and explosions, since it takes her out of her usual daily life. Also yeah Karkat grew some balls. I clap for him. This story will probably go up to 25 chapters MAX, so the end is near, my friends! c:


	19. What Did You Do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave talks to John. Dave learns more of the plan and his role. Sollux learns Eridan's true feelings and his dark side. Cronus gets scared shitless by the Captor brothers. Eridan gets a taste of his own medicine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, for the Vans, there are drivers but they're just side trolls.  
> But uh, yeah, this chapter gets fucking intense at Sollux's POV. Like, holy shit, I loved writing this.

*Dave's POV*

 

Tomorrow is a Saturday, and I wake up around 11. In my dreary mid-waking, all of the events of last night flood back to me, and I fall out of bed. I hit the ground hard on my back, and just lie there for a while, staring at the ceiling.

 _Did Karkat seriously confess his undying love for me? And did I do the same thing back to him?_ I groan, remembering how stupid I get when I'm really tired. He had woken me up with his text message since I forgot to put my phone on silent. I'm kinda glad he did, though, giving the circumstances.

 _How the hell am I going to ask John about this?_ I cringe, imagining his face showing me a smile but his eyes looking sad. I hate sad eyes, especially John's. _How can I ask about it without making it seem like I'm replacing him? How would he-_

My phone begins blaring out air horns- Which is Gamzee's ringtone. I groaned, and picked up the phone. "Yes?"

"We need you at the warehouse. _Now."_

 

~15 minutes later~

 

"What is it?" I asked, pushing the large door aside to get in. I saw a large group of people circling around someone. Most of the gang members were there. I noticed a shorter girl, and she turned around, revealing herself as Jade. Her eyes widened a bit, and she motioned me to come over.

I jogged over and joined the circle to see Gamzee and Kurloz in the middle, seeming to be looking for someone. Gamzee's eyes locked with mine, and he broke into a grin. "Ah, he's all up in here." He said to Kurloz, who shrugged in response and signed something to Gamzee. I noticed that Kurloz looked a lot more tired, and the thread through his lips were tighter than usual, making it seemingly painful to speak.

"As we all know, on Friday is when we get this plan going," Kurloz began, pacing around in the circle with his hands behind his back. "But in order for none of us to get caught, we need a system."

"That system is that we will be having 4 vans, which each of you will be assigned to." He picked up a clipboard with a sheet of paper on it, and skimmed over everything. "Each van has a specific job with certain people with that job."

"Van 1 will be the ones who go inside before everything starts, and when Sollux deploys the smoke bomb, they'll make sure that the whole school is evacuated except for me, and then leave themselves after they give us the queue. Then they'll make sure nobody goes inside again." He was loud, although the thread was tugging at his lips. I felt like it was going to snap. "Van 1 will be Dave and Cronus."

I let out a small breath of relief. I didn't want to fight anyone, especially after everything with Bro. Jade gave me a small smile, and I had silently wondered if she had pulled any strings for me. I'd have to ask her about it later.

"Van 2 will be security. If any cops come and try to come inside, they will defend the fort. They will be wearing masks, and will be armed well. They'll leave 30 seconds before the bomb goes off." Kurloz cracked his neck before continuing. "Van 2 is Jade and Meenah."

"Van 3 is the masterminds. They control when the bombs go off and are the centers of control. They will give most of the queues. They will also have to be closer to the school because of this, so Van 2 needs to make sure they defend Van 3." Kurloz gave Jade a look, and she visibly tensed up. "Van 3 is Sollux and Gamzee."

"Van 4 will be the ones who actually get the bombs in place. They'll be doing this on Wednesday, when the security guards leave early." Kurloz put down the clipboard. "Van 4 is Horuss and I."

"Any motherfucking questions?" Gamzee straightened up, and looked around. Nobody said anything.

"Good." He chuckled, picking up the clipboard. "Now get the fuck out of here."

The crowd had dispersed, and I had left. I was sort of just walking around aimlessly until I found myself on John's block.

TG: Hey, can I come over?

 

* * *

*John's POV*

**[I'm shit at programming these fucking chat things so just deal with this.]**

 

I was playing TF2 on my computer when I felt my phone buzz. I pulled it out of my pocket to check it, and it was a text from Dave.

TG: Hey, can I come over?

**EB: Uh... Sure?**

TG: Good cause I'm already in front.

**EB: What!?**

I heard my front door open, and I already knew it was Dave from the footsteps. He walked quietly for some reason. I didn't like asking him about that kind of stuff, though. I heard him hopping up the stairs, and he peeked through my bedroom door.

"Come in." I said, pushing off of my desk and spinning in my rolley chair. He hesitantly opened the door and closed it behind him, then sat on my bed.

He looked tense. "Is something wrong?" I asked, stopping my movement. I took a breath and ran a hand through his hair. "I uh... Can I ask you something?"

I nodded my head. "Okay, so just to let you know, I really care about you man, okay, I really do," I felt a knot in my stomach. _Oh no..._ "But uh, I've been talking with Rose lately, and I've been having weird ass thoughts."

 _Is he breaking up with me?_ "But uh, she thinks that I'm polyamorous." He seemed to be waiting for my reaction. "So, you date more than one person at a time?" I asked, feeling slightly worried that he was cheating.

"With consent from the other person." He added. There was an awkward silence for a few moments. "Are you dating someone besides me?" I asked.

"No! I'm not!" He tensed up. "I just... There's another person I wanted to try with... But if you're not okay with it I won't!" 

"Who's the other person?" I asked. He gulped.

"Karkat."

I felt my eyes widen a bit, but I tried not to show that I was shocked. _My best friend? I mean, I could kind of see it. But maybe it would be better if we did this. Maybe Dave would feel happier..._

"How long have you liked him for?" I asked, trying to get a grasp on it. "Well, I think I have for a while but I just never really... Noticed..." He muttered.

Another few seconds of silence. "Would I have to date him too?" I asked. Dave shook his head.

"I just wanted to know if you're okay with it. I care about you a lot, John. There wouldn't be any favorites." Dave clarified. I took a breath.

"I mean... I guess it's okay..." I muttered, hoping he doesn't keep talking about it. "John, are you sure? You don't sound very happy." He asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, sorry." I said, chuckling. "It's kinda new to me. I just don't wanna lose you as a boyfriend or Karkat as a friend."

"You won't. I promise." He said, getting up to hug me. I laughed, and hugged him back. "Alright, alright."

"Thanks, man." He said, pulling back and then kissing me.

I kissed back, and eventually the kissing lead to me getting the best blowjob I've ever gotten (Even though it was only my second one.)

 

* * *

 *Sollux's POV*

 

"Are you fucking insane!?" Eridan screamed, pinning me against a wall. He was listening in on the warehouse discussion, and his older brother told him that I was a major part of the plan. Fucking hell, Ampora's can't keep their mouths shut about anything that isn't their business, can they?

I shoved him back, but he kept at it, glaring at me with violet eyes. "What the fuck was I supposed to do!? I had to help Terezi!" I growled back at him, digging my nails into his arm. His grip on my shoulders tightened. "What if you're arrested?!" 

 _"I won't b-"_ "You don't know that!" He shouted again. I shoved him once more, making him lose his balance and fall back.

"Mind your own fucking business, Ampora." I began walking away, but he grabbed at my leg and toppled me over. He pinned me by the shoulders. "Get the fuck off me or so help me I'll-"

And he kissed me.

_Why the fuck is he kissing me?_

I shoved him off and scooted back. "The fuck!?" I shouted, wiping my lips. "Why the hell did you do that!?"

He was looking down, and trembling a bit. I saw violet dripping from his face, and cringed. _Shit, you made him cry, jerk._ I crawled closer to him, and placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down. He came in and hugged me, crying in my shoulder.

"Dude, I've never seen you like this," I said, awkwardly patting his head. "What's wrong?"

After a minute of getting his composure back, he began speaking again. "You were there for me when nobody else was..." He began fixing his hair, and trying not to look like  mess. "Fef left me, Cronus wouldn't talk to me, Kanaya wanted to kill me..."

"You were my only friend... I had nobody in my quadrants until one day you called me your kismesis and I felt kinda happy." He smiled a bit, and fidgeted. "I just don't wanna lose my only friend..." He began tearing up again. 

I sighed, and hugged him again. This is really sad, but that's alright. Eridan is just misunderstood, and he thinks that being an asshole will get him friends. He just needs to know what people don't like. He does things without thinking and he ends up ruining his relationships with other people.

"Sollux?" He was trembling even harder. "Yeah?" I asked.

"There's something I need to tell you."

He pulled away from me, and scooted back a bit. "You're going to hate me for this." He said quietly. "No I won't. Tell me."

He took a deep breath. "I wanted to be your matesprite really badly..." He started, sniffling as he spoke. "And A-Aradia always was with you..." 

"What are you getting at?" I asked. He paused. 

"Remember how I invited you to that party? The night Aradia died?" He asked. I nodded my head. I ended up getting blackout drunk there and Vriska took me home.

"W-Well... I drugged you, and you passed out..." He started. "Then I paid Vriska to control you and-and..." He was sobbing again.

"What did you do?" I asked. He whimpered. "Vriska controlled you to kill Aradia."

I remember a flare of anger, and then I blacked out. I came back with Mituna holding me down and screaming at me to stop. I was in a puddle of purple and yellow. I saw a severed leg a few feet away from my body. _"Sollux! Stop it!"_ I heard Mituna's shrieking. I slowly began sitting up. 

"What happened?" I asked. I saw Cronus holding someone, and Kankri wrapping someone up. I could hear an ambulance wailing in the distance. "We need to get you out of here." I heard Cronus say to Mituna and I. He waved someone over and they put me into their truck. They drove us home and Mituna carried me home.

"What happened?" I asked again, Mituna patching me up and using his psionics to put the bone back in place on my knee. I grunted from the pain. "You started beating the shit out of Eridan, and slamming him into the ground and walls and shit." He explained.

"You tore down an entire wall of some shop, and because you were focusing on holding him by the legs, one ripped off and the other is crushed." He explained. _Jesus fucking Christ, that's why I'm covered in blood._  "Am I going to be arrested?"

"You blew out the cameras, so no. No video footage." He explained, wrapping a cast on me. I sat up, looking at him. "Well, I fucked up, didn't I?" I said. He shrugged.

"You're alive. That's a good thing." He smiled. I sighed. 

_I kinda wish I wasn't right now._

"I'm guessing you attacked me as well." I chuckled. "Well yeah, how else was I supposed to stop you?"

"No, I don't blame you... I just wanted to... Well, thank you." I muttered. "The one time I get thanked for beating the shit out of you." He laughed.

I clicked my tongue and swatted at him, chuckling a bit myself. "So uh... What happened, anyways?" He asked. "What do you mean?"

"Aren't you and Eridan friends?" I sighed. _I can't hide shit from him._

I explained to him what Eridan did, and how angry I was. He sighed, and put his arm around me. "Remember the accident? With Tula?" He asked. I nodded my head. I absolutely hated the Pyropes for a while. "I was mad at her for a while, but eventually I realized that being mad wouldn't do anything. So I ended up forgiving her, and now we're dating and happy!" He laughed.

I sighed. "I can't forgive him right away." I muttered. "You don't have to. I took 6 months. You may take longer, 'cause you're stubborn." He giggled, and I slapped his side, making mutter 'owie!' and fake a cry. "Just remember that even though I'm half insane, I'm here for you." He patted my shoulder, and then walked to the door. "I gotta go see Kankri and Cronus." He said, waving as he left.

I groaned. _What the fuck did I just do?_

 

 

* * *

*Cronus's POV*

 

Kankri and Mituna were with me as we were walking over to Tuna's place. As we walked past somewhere, Tuna began freaking out. "T-the voices. S-S-S-" "Tuna!?" I said, patting him and thinking he was having another anxiety attack. He went full sprint towards a building, and Kankri and I followed. We turned and followed him to an alleyway, where we saw something terrifying.

Sollux has this huge yellow-ish aura around him, and he was floating. His red and blue eyes were glowing and switching. He was holding Eridan by the legs with his powers, and Eridan was sobbing and shaking. He slammed him into the ground, and a huge splatter of violent went everywhere. He lifted him again, and he hit the walls, completely destroying them. Some flower shop was ruined, but it was closed so nobody was inside.

He was chanting something. It started off soft and quiet but it slowly amplified where he was screaming it. _"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"_ Eridan was slammed into a corner piece of a wall, and his leg severed off. Mituna was screaming and crying. _"Sollux! Stop it!!"_

Mituna's horns began to crackle, and I grabbed Kankri and ran in the opposite direction. I heard a thud, and Sollux had dropped Eridan. Mituna was holding Sollux now, and he slammed him into the ground- _Harder _ than he did to Eridan. Yellow pooled around him, and his eyes stopped glowing. Mituna slowly lowered, and his horns stopped cracking as he tended to his brother's wounds.

 _Well shit, now I know not to fuck with the Captor brothers._ I looked down at Eridan, who was still wide awake, and bleeding. _I guess Eridan didn't know..._ Kankri grabbed his emergency kit out of his man-purse, and we began wrapping up the stump on his left thigh and his mangled right leg. "Call an ambulance!" I heard Kankri scream. "Eridan? It's going to be okay buddy. Everything's going to be okay." i whispered to him as I wrapped his wounds. He just nodded his head and continued crying.

_Weren't he and Sollux good friends? What the hell happened?_

I saw one of the gang members from the warehouse drive by and stop to see what happened. "We need to get you guys out of here." I said to Mituna. I told the guy to get Mituna and Sollux out, which he did. The ambulance arrived, and I went inside, leaving Kankri behind. Eridan was now unconscious, and I watched as the doctors began to work on him.

_God, please let this kid be alright._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who think Mituna is too "sane" I like to think of it that after he uses his powers to a certain extent he can sorta think clearly for a while, since the "voices" and "noise" is just the build up of psionic powers that makes a static noise for those who are sensitive to it.  
> Also, I know I haven't had much of Eridan but I do ship EriSol so I needed to add at least a little bit in this fic.


	20. It's Worth It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat go on a little date. John is depressed. Terezi is daydreaming. Sollux is anxious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [PLEASE READ] Just to clarify, which I may have mentioned before or have not, but in this AU the beta kids and the trolls are Juniors, and the Dancestors are Seniors. Alpha kids have already been mentioned beforehand.

*Terezi's POV*

 

Eridan survived the brutal attack, but lost one of his legs in the process.

I had heard about it the next day, when I had called Sollux's phone but he didn't answer. Mituna answered and explained what had happened, and I freaked out, running over to his house to try to figure out the whole story. I nearly killed him for what he did, until I heard the whole story.

We ended up playing video games for hours before I went home again, and it left me thinking.

 _He's probably still beaten up over Aradia's death, especially now out of all times. Maybe I shouldn't try making a move on him..._ As I walked home in the dark, I shivered from the crisp air. My cane tapped against the concrete, and I hoped that I wouldn't bump into anyone. He probably doesn't even view me in a romantic way. Especially not after this.

After hopping up my stairs and dramatically flopping on my bed, I began trying to view things in his point of view. _What if I was controlled to kill Sollux? And I never knew about it until a year later and had gotten over it? Would I even go for anyone?_

I groaned and rolled over, stuffing my face into my pillow. _I doubt I'd ever be able to get into a romantic relationship, but hey, friendship is still great!_ I smiled, and rolled back on my back. _Things will still work out. I know it._

_I mean, I don't really have to date him. I just want to have him in my life somehow. As a friend or boyfriend, either way is fine. And maybe if he ever does get over it, I might try again. But I don't know if I'd want to risk our friendship by then. That is, if we were still friends._

I shook my head. _No, I'll keep things going. I won't let us stop talking again over some dumb argument like last time. It'll all work out. And Karkat will be with us, and it'll be like the three musketeers again, before everything went to shit._

_But wasn't dating Karkat what caused everything to go down?_

_No, it wasn't, was it? I mean, Sollux was dating Aradia then too. He still found time for us. I mean, sometimes we'd miss some video game nights, but it wasn't that bad? But then Aradia died, and we left him alone for a while._

_Oh god, we left him alone._

I facepalmed myself. _We thought he needed alone time, but he just needed consolations from his closest friends. Oh god, we're terrible. How could we have been so stupid? I took a breath._

_I won't let this happen again. I swear._

I ended up falling asleep to the thoughts of future video game wars with those two, and Sollux's smile.

 

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

 

"Wait- _What!?_ "

"Yep."

"Y-You're serious?"

"Yeah, what makes you think I'd lie about something like that?"

John had agreed to Dave dating both of us, which came as a bit of a shock to me. Not that I'm calling John selfish, but I didn't think he'd want to share Dave. _I just hope that John doesn't secretly hate me or anything..._ "A-Are you sure?" I questioned. Dave groaned. "For God sake, yes! Why do you keep asking?"

"Well, I didn't think he'd want to share you." I confessed, shrugging and trying not to sound like a dick. Dave chuckled. "I had to assure him a couple times that I wasn't leaving him, but yeah, he's alright with it."

I let out a small breath. "Well, I mean-That's good then." I smiled at him. Dave just smirked at me, and I frowned.

"What's the smirk fo-" 

And Dave kissed me.

I've had my first kiss before, as well as many others in the past, just not in a while. I had nearly forgotten how nice it feels to be kissed, and hesitantly, I melted into the kiss and kissed back as slowly and carefully as possible. The last thing I wanted to do was fuck up.

Dave pulled away, chuckling. I frowned at him. "Now what?" I asked. "You taste like cherries."

I felt my eye twitch. Terezi would say the same thing. No, don't think of Terezi. Not now. "Shut up." Was all I could muster as a comeback, earning a small burst of laughter from Dave. He pat my head, smirking at me. "Now, now, don't be rude." 

I growled at him, which made him retreat his hand. "Bad." He said, poking a finger at me. "I'm not a woofbeast." I snapped.

"'Woofbeast'." He mocked. I groaned and slapped his arm, just earning more smiles from Dave. _Well, at least this isn't as painfully awkward as you thought it'd be..._

"So, uh," I started, causing Dave to turn to me. "What now?"

Dave shrugged. "Wanna get some ice cream?" He asked, pointing at the Dunkin Doughnuts behind us. "Sure." I shrugged. I wasn't much of a fan of ice cream, but being with Dave might smooth things out.

Our 'date' as he called it, went fairly well. Laughter and ice cream-staches ensued, as well as sweet kisses and hugs. He ended up walking me home, and halfway he decided to give me a 'piggyback ride' as he called as he made me climb on his back. I wasn't complaining, however.

This was a nice day. I really needed this.

 

* * *

 

*John's POV*

_ ~Three Days Later~ _

 

Dad hasn't come home in two days.

Dave has been hanging out with Karkat for the past three days.

Jade won't answer her phone.

Rose is grounded.

_I'm alone. I'm alone and I hate it. I hate not talking to people, it makes me feel terrible. What did I do? Did I even do anything? God, I'm just overreacting, as always. You're just an attention whore, always too needy. That's why. Everyone needs a break from you._

_God, is this what Karkat felt like when he left us alone? I feel like shit for what we did. I want to apologize a thousand times for what we did and how selfish we were. Maybe it's better if he's dating both of us. I deserve this for what I've done to him before._

_Dad doesn't even love you anymore. He takes extra shifts at work to pay for the bar time he spends avoiding his only son. I wonder why that is? Maybe because you don't get good grades. Parents love their kids when they get good grades. Is it because you fucked up that last piano composition? Maybe..._

_I just want him to be proud of me._

I threw up in the toilet for the third time today, despite not eating anything. _You're too fat, maybe that's why? He was a football player as a kid... Is it because you're not very jock-like? Should I try out for sports? No, you're too weak to even be accepted. They'll just laugh at your pathetic excuse for an attempt._

_Oh god, nobody's going to love me. I'm so boring and plain. I have no talents, I fuck up everything. Not even dad is proud of me. Nobody is. Dave is probably enjoying Karkat way more than me. He's better for him, he's more experienced and funnier and skinnier and better-_

I threw up again, leaving my throat burning from the stomach acid and crying. _You deserve this. You deserve this. You deserve this. God, you're pathetic. You don't deserve Dave. He needs someone better than you. He's just going to leave you eventually. Just fucking walk out, holding Karkat's hand. Years of friendship will be gone, and you'll be all alone again._

_I wish I had a pet. I could hug it and love it and feel happier. But it wouldn't love me. It'd probably hate me. I was attacked by a squirrel when I was 3, maybe animals just naturally hate me? Man, what doesn't hate me? Dave? No, he's probably only saying that because he feels bad..._

_It seems like whenever someone is happy there's always some else who feels terrible. I feel like how Karkat felt, or how depressed Dave was before. Why can't everyone just be happy? Why does it have to be one or the other? Do I not deserve happiness?_

I tried throwing up, but nothing would come out. I was as empty as I felt.

_If my sadness makes someone else happy, then it's worth it._

 

* * *

 

*Dave's POV*

 

I had broken into the school and placed the bombs in proper order that night. I've been busy with Karkat and getting my end of the plan completed to keep Kurloz's wet dreams afloat. I hadn't realized that I had been ignoring John for some time. Even in class, I wouldn't talk to him. But we weren't in many classes together, and he wasn't partnered with me in any of them.

I could still feel his eyes on me, though.

But between dates with Karkat and getting little to no sleep due to these bombs, I hadn't had much time. By the time I had gotten home, I tried messaging him, only to get no response. It was only 8:00, so there was no other reason for him not to. _Maybe he took a shower? Yeah, that's probably it._ I had began playing TF2 on my laptop, waiting for my phone to ding with a message from John.

Two hours pass. Nothing but a spam email. Now I was worried. _Was he ignoring me? No, it's not like him to do that. Did he just fall asleep? Did his phone die?_ I calmed myself down. _I'm overreacting. I'll just talk to him tomorrow at school. Everything will be fine. No biggie._

My phone had suddenly buzzed, and I quickly grabbed it.

_ Two days left! :P _

_ -Jade _

I sighed. Not exactly who I needed a message from, but it didn't matter anyways. In two days shit would be going down, and I would be partially responsible for it. Let's just hope that everything works out.

 

* * *

*Sollux's POV*

 

  
"Do you still want to do this?" Mituna asked. "Not like I really have much of a choice, do I?"

"Kurloz's completed his end of the deal, and now it's my turn." I explained. Mituna sighed.

"I have a bad feeling about this." He muttered. I placed a hand on his shoulder. "Everything will be fine. I won't get caught, I promise."

"No, something else." He said again, scratching the top area of his head. He does this when he feels panicked. I began rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. "It's not safe. P-Please, don't go."

"I have to." I sighed. He shook his head.

"Something really bad is gonna happen. I can feel it." He stumbled over his words a few times. "You're just saying that because your ex-moirail is commiting suicide."

He shook his head. "It's bad. But I don't know what." He was trembling. I gave him a hug. "Just stay home from school then. Don't worry about it." I said. He sighed.

"I-I'll try..." He swallowed. I smiled at him, and patted his head, before heading into my room and getting back on my laptop.

 _Two days way from the day I murder someone. Wonderful. I'm definitely not going to heaven._ My eyes caught the sight of an older photograph of Karkat, Terezi, Aradia and I at a carnival together. I sighed, and ran a hand through my hair. _It's worth it though._

_And even if Mituna's right, at least I'll be with Aradia... That'll make death less boring. It's not like many people would miss me anyways._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for such a short chapter. The next two are going to be longer, trust me. I'm estimating about 2-3 chapters left until this series ends. *gay gasp*  
> 


	21. Everything Goes According To Plan (?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [REALLY IMPORTANT READ]  
> There is a rape scene in the beginning of this chapter. It's detailed enough to be triggering. PLEASE SKIP THE FIRST POV IF THAT'S TRIGGERING FOR YOU.  
> Also, this is going to be a very heavy chapter, so I highly suggest that if you can't handle some things like that that you just don't read the rest of this story. The next two chapters are going to be heavy and dark. I respect if you choose to stop. Just ask in the comments how it ends after I post the next two chapters and I'll be happy to tell you. :)  
> [ALSO IMPORTANT] So about Terezi's vision; She's legally blind, however her red glasses help her see and everything has a very heavy blur on it. So she's very colorblind (To the point where she needs lenses of a different color to help her eyes filter the light through) AND just crazy blurry blind.

*Karkat's POV*

 

I had woken up this morning to a text from a number I didn't recognize telling me to meet in the computer room at 7:30. I thought it was one of John's pranks or something, or maybe some cute girl confessing to me like in one of those animes. 

I didn't expect to see Gamzee standing there in front of me, crying.

The first thing I told myself was that it was another trap. I tried going for the door, but it was locked. I looked back up at Gamzee, who has looked up at me, smiling softly and twirling the keys around his finger. _Oh god I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die._

He took a few steps towards me, and I stepped back. His eyes looked sad- hurt even. He sighed. "I'm sorry." He said in a voice barely above a whisper. I squinted at him. "What?" I asked. He cringed.

"You're _sorry_?" I said feeling a wave of anger wash over me. I couldn't stop it, it was too much. "Sorry won't fix the pain I felt that day." I stepped towards him.

"Sorry won't prevent the feelings of hating myself, and wishing nobody saved me." I felt my face contorting. "Sorry won't undo the pain my friends felt, and the guilt Dave felt."

"Sorry won't bring back the trust I used to have for you." And then I slapped him. His head turned, and he didn't look at me. "How... How can you say sorry to me _now?!"_ I would be lying if I said I didn't see a tear fall from his face.

Before I could say anything else, I was pulled into a hug. "I'm sorry, Karbo..." He said shakily. "I really am..."

"I always fuck shit up... Too high to even motherfuckin think..." He chuckled to himself, and I felt his chest shake and his heart beat. "But, I've been sober lately... And _thinkin'_ now..."

"This world is full of _so many_ bad things... So much pain... And terrible shit..." He said, tightening his grip on me. "But out of all of that... _You_ make things better..." He looked down at me, smiling. He locked eyes with me, and I found it strange that I could barely recognize his eyes without the red haze and anger in them.

"You were a crazy good moirail... And I never fucking appreciated that." He closed his eyes tightly, and balled one of his hands into fists. "I pushed you away... I..." He looked hurt to even say it. " _Hurt_... You..."

"And I don't want you to feel that way anymore..." He whispered, pushing me back and grabbing my shoulders, leveling himself with me. "I... I want you to be _happy_... And... _Protected_..."

"I... I think..." He scratched at his head. "I think this is _love_ , bro."

My eyes widened. _No..._

"I think I love you." He smiled, tearing up a bit. He chuckled, wiping his eyes on his shoulder, smearing some of his makeup. I had only seen his skin bare a few times, and I had always preferred the chocolate color over his light gray paint. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak.

Gamzee had leaned in and kissed me, and I couldn't do anything. I felt his tears on my face, and some of his makeup smeared onto me, which when he pulled away, he wiped off. He smiled at me, and hugged me.

"I know you don't feel the same." He said, sighing shakily. I tensed up. _Oh god. Oh god. I'm fucked. He's going to kill me, isn't he?_

"But that's okay..." He tightened his grip on me, rubbing the small of my back. "I... _Deserve_ your hate..."

"But you don't deserve to experience the pain and suffering in this world..." He whispered in my ear, and I saw him pull something out of his pocket, but I couldn't see what. "So I'll take it away from you."

I felt a sharp pain in my back, and tried pulling away from him. I felt warm and fuzzy, and when Gamzee's arms let go of me, I fell to the ground. I saw Gamzee holding an empty syringe. _Oh god, no. He drugged me. Why? What's he going to do?_

"I want you to feel _good_ , Kar... As good as you made me feel..." He whispered, getting down and climbing over me. His hands began to undo my belt. "At night, I'd make myself feel good like this, but imagine you doing it instead..."

I tried kicking away, but my legs were jelly. "No.. _N-Noo..._ S-Stop..." I slurred. Gamzee shooshed me, and papped my hair. _This can't be happening. Not now. I don't want this._

"I'm not gonna let it hurt you, Kar. I love you, I'm not gonna do that to you." He whispered. " _No..._ No... I d-don't... Want it... Not _you..._ " I began to cry, and Gamzee had tugged my pants off.

"You'll want it soon. I promise." He held my hand, and I limply tugged it away. My underwear was now gone, and I was trying to curl away from him. He kept pulling me back. I wasn't strong enough, and I felt myself getting weak.

I heard his zipper, and his pants shuffle to the floor. His hands were on the back of my knees, and I felt him coming closer. Too close.

_I want to die. I want to die. I hate him. I hate him. Why? Why do I have to deal with this? I don't love him. I don't want him. Whenever God makes me happy he just fucks me over later on. He hates me. God hates me. Everyone hates me._

_I don't like this feeling. I shouldn't be feeling this. My body is disobeying my mind, and I don't like it. God, I'm disgusting, I hate this. I hate how I'm making noises that I don't want to make. He thinks I like this. I don't. I hate it. I want to scream at the top of my lungs._  

I'm sobbing now as he thrusts and finishes, panting heavily. He kisses me again, but now I can't even move, whether it's from the drugs or from fear and disgust. He gets up and zips his pants, running a hand through my hair. "I have to go now. But I promise you'll be happier soon." He whispers to me, walking away. 

I see his blurred silhouette walk away as I just lie there, half naked and in a state of goop.

I don't know how much time passes, but I feel the ground shake and an alarm go off. The noise bothers me, so I close my eyes and wait for clarity.

 

* * *

 

*John's POV*

 

Today is a Friday.

Today is also the day where I prank the living crap out of Dave!

Dating Dave is fun, but I haven't had any good options to prank him lately, since he's always with me. I can thank Karkat for hanging out with him long enough for me to develop a master plan!

I'm going to lure him into the janitor's closet with the false idea that we're going to make out, and then once he open the door- _BAM!_ \- bucket of ice cold water falls on his head! It'll be hilarious!

I had left with a bathroom pass out of chemistry to initiate my plan, sneaking inside and setting up the rope and pulley system, tying it to the doorknob and tying the bucket on top. I had to stand on a ladder to do most of this.

I had to go to the 2nd floor janitor's closet, since that's the only one that wasn't locked (And the one that Dave and I normally went to anyways.) _I hope he won't be too mad about this… I brought some extra clothes for him to wear afterwards, so maybe he'll understand. Maybe I sho-_

A loud boom interrupted my thoughts, shaking me from the ladder and causing me to fall to the ground. I heard a snap, and felt a sharp pain in my ankle. The fire alarm went off, and the ladder toppled over on me, and when I looked up at the glass of the janitor door, I saw something falling from ahead.

_Was there an earthquake?! No, we don't get earthquakes here... What the hell just happened?!_

I shoved the ladder off of me, watching it clatter a few feet away from me. I tried to stand, but I ended up stumbling to the ground. I pushed at the door, but it wouldn't budge. Something was blocking it's way.

I began to breathe heavily, recalling how small this space actually is. I began screaming for help, but the alarm drowned out my cries. I felt tears pricking at my eyes, and I began to tremble.

_What's going on!?_

I took out my phone and tried to text Dave, but there was barely any signal at the angle I was at. I raised the phone in the air, and it gained another bar, but it wasn't enough to send the message. I dropped my hand pathetically. _Someone will come... Someone has to come. I'll just wait here... And breathe..._

I closed my eyes, and began focusing on my breathing, hoping I don't get another asthma attack.

 

* * *

 

*Sollux's POV*

_*A few moments earlier*_

 

"Is it time yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Why not?"

"Because, the smoke bombs are acting funny."

"Well can you fix it?"

"Probably."

Gamzee grumbled, crossing his arms and frowning at me. I was alone with him in this small, FBI-like van with my computer moved into it. He was clearly getting impatient, but I couldn't deal with him right now.

He was late coming here anyways, so I don't even know why he's so anxious to get things going. It's barely even time yet. And besides, I have other reasons besides timing of why I can't anyways.

I was getting a shitty connection to the smoke bombs for some reason, probably because Dave and Cronus didn't listen to a single thing I said about finding an area where the signal could reach, but whatever. It's not my fault Kurloz can't choose functioning people for each role.

Gamzee began tugging at me shirt. "It's motherfuckin' time, bro." He growled. "Wait! I still need to establish a stable connection!"

"That can fuckin' wait." He reached over and began going for my mouse. "Stop it!" I shouted, grabbing at his arm.

"We need to do this now, relax!" He pushed against my head, and I heard him randomly clicking things. "No! Sto-"

A loud boom, and the sound of glass breaking tore our eye from the screen to in front of us.

The bombs on the third floor had went off, completely destroying a section of the lab, where luckily nobody was there at this time.

"Gamzee!" I shouted, shoving him off of me. "Look what you fucking did!? Are you insane!?" I stood up from my computer chair.

He placed his hands in the air. "Relax, bro." He smirked. "It was an accident. It's not like anyone's going to get all up and fuckin' hurt now."

I scowled at him, but the static on my radio caught my attention.

"What the hell was that?!" I heard Jade's voice shrieking. I picked up my radio.

"Gamzee fucked something up. Nobody's hurt. Continue with the plan." I said, taking a deep breath. "Van 1, get inside and make sure the school is evacuated. Van 2, hold off any fire fighters or police for as long as possible."

"Got it, chief." Cronus responded. "Okay!" Jade sing-songed, and I put my radio away to see Gamzee hovering over me.

"Wha-" His hands were on my neck, and I was slammed against a wall. "Don't you ever fucking disobey me again." He spat at me, letting me go and causing me to fall to the ground, coughing and spuddering.

"Now, I'll be right back, I have some matters to attend to." He chuckled, hopping out of the van and running off. I wiped the spit off of my face and sat up.

_What did I get myself into?_

 

* * *

 

*Terezi's POV*

 

I was bored out of my mind in class, when the ground trembled and the fire alarm blared in my ears. I felt for my walking cane, but someone was tugging my arm and running out of the classroom with me. The words 'Bomb' and 'Terrorist' were thrown around the halls as I was dragged, passed onto someone else, and then dragged again.

"Whoever this is, I appreciate your help but I'd like to know what the hell just happened!" I shouted, stopping and pulling my hand away. I heard a familiar groan. "It's me, Rezi."

Latula? "Why are you dragging me? I don't hear anyone else with us." I said. "You can't hear anything because of the sirens. Just trust me, okay."

We went down a flight of stairs until we were outside, and I heard a large amount of people in another area. It smelled like old bricks out here. We were in the back of the school. "Why are we here?" I asked. "Because this is where I'm bringing my friends so we can all stay together." She explained, then gasped as if she forgot something.

"Stay here." She said. I felt her hands on my shoulders. "Don't Move."

I nodded my head as I heard her swing the metal door open and run back upstairs. A few minutes later she came back with Mituna, who assuming by Latula's frantic wording and Mituna's mumbling, he was having some sort of panic attack.

"Something... Bad... Happening... It hurts... I hurts-s... Make it stop... Stop it... STOP IT!!" He was going nuts, and I leaned my head up against the wall of the school, waiting for this to just end.

"Mituna needs his meds." Latula said, and I heard shuffling. "I'll be right back. Don't move." She repeated again, and then I was alone.

 

* * *

 

*Dave's POV*

_*30 minutes into the plan*_

 

"We're missing two people." Cronus said, checking off his list. "What? Who?" I turned to him. We were on the third floor of the school, and had finally seemed to have cleared out everyone. The teachers had created a google doc of a lsit of students that were with them, and of course, we were able to have access to this. It made our lives a lot easier.

"According to the online checklist of the teachers, John Egbert and Karkat Vantas." He paused. "Vantas? Kankri's little brother?!" He squinted at the text.

_Oh no._

_No. No. No. NO. **NO. NO.**_

_Not now._

"We have to find them!" I shouted. Cronus flinched. "Why are you goin' nuts over this?"

"They're my boyfriends!" I screamed, running down the halls and calling their names. "Boyfriend _s?_ Plural?" I heard Cronus ask, before I ran down the stairs.

I heard the static beeping on my radio go off. "Guys, get out of there. We need to blow this joint before the cops actually arrive, which is soon." Jade said. "Hold on!" I shouted into the radio. "Dave, the bombs are on a timer, it's going to go off in two minutes, hurry up!" Sollux shouted.

"No! Two people are missing!" I said. "Who?" Jade asked.

"John and Karkat." I began banging on doors down each hall. "Alright, you have five minutes. _What? No! I want it now!_ Gamzee, pleas-" Sollux's radio was cut of by something, and I shrugged and kept running.

Cronus was trying to chase me. "Who're you lookin for first?" I kept running faster. "I can't fucking choose between them!"

"Two boyfriends?" Cronus asked, helping me bang on doors. "Yeah, what's it to you?"

"Which one do you like better?" He asked. "I can't decide, sorry." I muttered, ignoring his ignorance.

I was banging on doors, and becoming frantic. This school is pretty fucking big. How the fuck am I going to find him? I suddenly felt my phone buzz. I looked down and had gotten a text from someone.

**EB: Dave! Help me! I'm stuck in the janitor's closet on the second floor with a broken ankle! I'm getting hungry and I'm scared!**

I began sprinting down the hall to the janitor's closet, almost falling into it. When I opened it, John fell out, landing on his side. His foot was bent in a way that it clearly shouldn't have, and it looked like he was using his good foot to try to stand and holding onto the ladder to hold himself up.

I lifted the ladder, freeing his good foot, and wrapped his arm around me and helped him get walking. "What the hell were you doing in there?!" I asked, lifting him and helping him walk down the stairs. "I was going to prank you, but then something happened. Speaking of which, what happened?"

I hesitated before telling him. "A bomb went off." I said. His eyes widened. "A bomb?! Are we going to die!?" He asked, trembling.

"No, we just need to get out of here before more go off." I said. I heard static on my radio. "Did you find them?" Cronus asked. "I found John. Not Karkat." I said.

"Karkat already got outside, just go." I heard Sollux say. I let out a sigh of relief, and I ran out of the building with John.

 

* * *

 

*Gamzee's POV*

_*A few minutes earlier*_

 

"Gamzee, please, they need to find them!" Sollux begged. I grumbled, recalling that I locked the door behind myself when I left Karkat, and I already knew they weren't going to find him. "Fine. Five minutes only." I said, sitting down and groaning. Why does it matter if a couple people die? 

"Do you have sympathy for anyone?" Sollux asked. I clicked my tongue. "Yes, as a matter the fact. Yes I do." 

Sollux sighed. "Alright, let me rephrase that;" He spun around in his computer chair. "Do you have sympathy for anyone in this school?"

"Yes." I said, rolling my eyes. "Who?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why the fuck should I tell you?" Sollux shrugged, and spun back around. "I dunno, I thought I should just make conversation."

"What you should be _makin'_  is shit go boom." I empathized the boom with a sound affect and hand motions, which made Sollux chuckle.

The radio static gained my attention, and Cronus's voice came through. "Did you find them?" He asked. "I found John, not Karkat." Dave said.

I grabbed my gun and put it to Sollux's temple as he grabbed the radio, causing him to freeze. "Say that Karkat got out." I ordered. "Bu-" "Say it." I cocked the gun, and Sollux swallowed as he responded.

"Karkat already got outside, just go." He said. He put the radio down, and turned to me. "Why did you-" _Boom_.

 

* * *

 

*Terezi's POV*

_*Ten minutes earlier*_

 

"What're you doing here?" I heard a voice asked. I could just barely see a shadow over me. "I'm waiting for my sister. She told me to stay here."

"You're Terezi, aren't you?" The girl asked. I nodded my head. "I'm Jade. You know Sollux, right?" She asked.

I nodded my head again. "Do you want to go see him? I'm a little worried about him, seeing that he's alone with Gamzee." I hesitated at the Gamzee part, but nodded my head. I wanted to see the mastermind behind these bombs and tease him about it. 

I grabbed my cane and Jade took my hand, and we began walking in a direction towards the parking lot but, because of the trees it was mostly hidden. She made me crouch down. "Don't approach right away, just spy a bit and see if it's okay. If not, _run."_ She whispered, then pushed me towards the van.

She seemed to walk away, so I slowly crawled towards the open door of the van, peeking inside. I heard radio static, and Gamzee standing up. He put a gun against Sollux's head, and whispered in his ear something that I couldn't catch. "Karkat already got outside, just go." He said. Then he spun around. "Why did you-" Then Gamzee pulled the trigger.

Sollux's body fell to the ground, limp and lifeless. The glow in his eyes turned black and white, and mustard blood began seeping from his head. There was a crack in his glasses. I screamed and fell back. Gamzee's head snapped towards me, and he smirked. 

"Well, look who it is..." He stepped towards me, cocking his gun and hopping out of the van. "The little _whore."_

I felt myself trembling. _This is it, this is where I die._ I closed my eyes, hoping that he wouldn't keep talking. "You always liked it when I _fucked_ you, didn't you?" He spat, walking in a circle around me. "Y-You _raped_ me..." I said in just above a whisper. He laughed.

"I did the same thing to Karkat just now too." He said. My eyes shot open and I gasped, feeling tears streaming down my face. I began sobbing, curling into myself. I felt the barrel of the gun against the back of my head. "And now, you've been fucked like Karkat and you're gonna be shot like Sollux."

I heard a gunshot, but it didn't hit me. I felt myself being lifted, but not by arms, by psionics. I was hoping to see Sollux walk out of the van, still alive, but instead it was Mituna. He pulled me into Latula's arms, and he was holding Gamzee in mid air as he walked towards the van.

"Mituna don't look!" I shouted, but it was too late. He was fuming. _"YOU KILLED HIM!"_ He screamed. Gamzee's body was slammed into the ground. **_"YOU KILLED HIM YOU KILLED HIM YOU KILLED HIM."_** Purple blood was spewing from the his body. Gamzee was then lifted, and suddenly a loud crunch was heard. Latula covered my eyes, but I had already seen what my blurred vision could let me witness.

Mituna broke his neck, spine, and legs, without even lifting a finger. 

Gamzee was dead.

And the bomb had just went off.

 

* * *

 

*Karkat's POV*

_*??? before*_

 

Kankri was standing in front of me. _"You're disgusting. I'm ashamed to have you as a brother."_ Dave was there. _"I shouldn't have dated you."_ John glared at me. _"You stole my matesprite."_

 _"You're a disappointment to this family."_  My father said. _"God does not love those who are unworthy."_

 _"You are unworthy."_ They all said in unison. I tried to stand, but then I saw my mother.

_"I left because I could not stand the idea of being known as having you as a child of mine."_

I stumbled back to the ground, dizzy and head spinning. I couldn't read the clock without thinking it was a lie. I heard Dave calling my name, but ignored it. It was just another hallucination. I saw Gamzee licking his lips and smirking at me. _"You're just a whore that loves to get fucked."_

I began crying. _I hate this. I hate myself. I want to die. I want to-_

I heard a loud boom and I saw a bright white light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat got his wish.  
> #sorrynotsorry


	22. What Happened?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat realizes what happened and what happens next. Sollux meets an old friend. John is heartbroken. Dave is confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilouge is going to be the next chapter. I suggest you read that to end it on the note that I'd rather have it end on.

*Karkat's POV*

 

I saw a bright white light, and then I was just standing in a large open space. I saw a large group of what looked like shadow people ahead of me, and I looked down at myself and realized that I was standing. The first thing that I noticed was that I wasn't breathing. The second thing was that I had no pulse. I poked myself in the stomach. I didn't go through myself.

_Am I dead?_

"Yeah, sorry." I heard from behind. I turned around to see Sollux. My eyes widened.

"What... What are you doing here?" I asked, in shock. His eyes weren't the usual red and blue, but black and white. He sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Well uh... I died."

"How?" I asked, feeling tears pricking at my eyes. "Gamzee killed me."

I fell to my knees. I especially hate him now. He killed my friends. He hurt them. He's terrible, I wish he'd die-

I felt a hand on my shoulder- And it definetally wasn't Sollux's- He was in front of me, and his eyes had turned to shock. He began crying as well. "Aradia..." He whispered. I turned and looked behind me to see her standing there, smiling softly.

I had never talked to her much when I was alive, but I knew how special she was to Sollux. "Hello." She smiled at us. "Try not to keep negative thoughts, or else you may not stay here for very long."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "Well... Essentially you can think of this place as the middle ground between Heaven and Hell." She explained.

"Look around. Notice how Kurloz or Gamzee isn't here." She said. "Wait- Gamzee?" I asked.

She blinked at me before realizing. "Oh, yes. Gamzee is dead as well. Mituna killed him after finding Sollux's body." She said, looking over at Sollux. "Tuna..." He shuddered, and began to cry.

Aradia came over to him and hugged him, rubbing the small of his back. "I've been dead for a few years now..." Aradia said, focusing on Sollux. "I can see into the real world, but I haven't exactly figured out how to move things and show I'm there..."

"I've always been able to talk to the dead, now I need to figure out how to talk to the living." She chuckled. Sollux looked up at her. "You... You're not mad at me...?" He asked.

Aradia shook her head. "When you die you learn the details of how you died." She pulled him into a hug. "I know you were being controlled."

Sollux pulled back and kissed her, and I turned my head, giving them their privacy. "S-So, uh..." I said. "What's happening now?"

Aradia closed her eyes, and frowned. "Do you really want to know?"

 

* * *

 

*Dave's POV*

 

_I fucked up._

Terezi is the one who told me. That Karkat never got out, and Sollux died, and Gamzee killed him and got killed. She told me about what he did to Karkat. If I checked more thoroughly, this wouldn't have fucking happened.

I was on my knees, sobbing. John was crying too, and he was messily trying to calm me down as well. Terezi hugged me and cried. Mituna and Latula cried. We were just a group of people as a crying mess.

I was so sick that I threw up when I got home. I couldn't eat for days. I didn't talk to John. I pushed Rose away. I just ignored everyone. I couldn't stand it. I felt like Karkat would have hated me. He would be ashamed that I risked my relationship with John to get him and didn't even protect him like how a matesprite should.

_I'm a joke._

I couldn't even look at John. I didn't show up to the last 3 days of school. I didn't answer his texts or calls. One month into the summer, I was practically dating a stranger. I had ignored him for so long, until I had gotten one message that ruined it.

**EB: Are we even still dating?**

 

* * *

 

*John's POV*

 

A loud pounding at my door jolted me from my computer desk. I was silently hoping that it wasn't Rose, trying to therapise me with the incident. I was crushed over Karkat dying, but not as much as Dave. Karkat was my best friend, and I felt like shit, since I never clarified to him that I wasn't mad at him.

I guess he died never knowing.

I haven't talked to Dave in a little over a month, and I've been beginning to wonder if I should even consider myself his boyfriend anymore. As much as I hate to say it, but he hasn't been there for me in the slightest. 

I had opened the door to expect to be dragged into the living room by Rose. Instead I was smashed into the wall and kissed. My eyes shot open to see Dave- Not even caring to shut my door- kissing me.

When he pulled away, I slapped him across the face- hard. "Where the hell were you?!" I shouted. He didn't respond. "All this time, did you just forget about me?"

He didn't say anything. But he picked me up, and began carrying me up the stairs. I was still yelling at him about how I missed him and needed him, but when he threw me down on my bed and climbed over me, I knew that he wasn't going to be listening to me for the next few hours.

I ended up losing my virginity as a 17 year old guy who barely even knew if he lost it to someone he was dating. After that, Dave turned to me and told me that he was moving back to Texas with an old friend because he needed to sort things out on his own.

I had never felt more heart broken in my life.

Dave, the one person I loved and trusted the most, abandoned me when I needed him. Just like everyone else. I had shown him more than I had to anyone, and he threw it away. _Was I even his first?_

I shook that thought out of my head. He would have told me if he did, right? I let out a shuddery sigh, and I even prayed to whatever otherworldly being that existed for him to be lying or joking, or to even come back.

He didn't come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for this. I hope you cried. Also, comment on whether you actually enjoyed this cause tbh it really helps me get a feel off of what people would like in any of my future writings.


End file.
